The Island
by CCullen1978
Summary: Bella finds herself caught up in a storm of heartache and a storm at sea that sends her sailing in uncharted waters straight to an Island inhabited by only one man. Can Edward help her see that she can overcome the hurt inside and smile again? (I suck at summaries...)
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone.**

**So, here is my second attempt at this.**

**Right now I only have a vague idea of where this is going, I'm hoping to define it as we go.**

**Also, I have no idea how long it's going to be, how many words I'll be trying to keep to each chapter…it's just going to flow. Today might be a thousand words, four days later might be three thousand words…I'll try to get it more structured as we move along.**

**Anyway…hope you enjoy the first chapter…**

"Stupid Girl," I mutter to myself as another freezing spray of sea air hits me from the side.

It is way past sunset and I shouldn't be out here. What was I thinking?

My Bayliner Discovery is holding up against the massive swells but inside…inside my body my heart is shattered beyond recognition.

I try to concentrate on the lighthouse from Dassen Island but my head reruns what happened a few hours ago like a bad episode of Golden Girls.

"_I'm sorry Bella," Jacob said, his head in his hands. He looked up to me with what seemed to be pity and all I wanted to do was take that pity and shove it up his ass._

"_Sorry?" I screamed. "Exactly what are you sorry for Jacob? For the five years of my life that you wasted? For making me believe that you loved me? Or are you sorry for jumping into bed with the new waitress not even a month after she started here. I'm not sure which one you're sorry for."_

"_For all of it," he cried softly. "I don't know what happened. When I saw her…I just knew we were meant to be together. She feels the same."_

_I looked up to the ceiling, trying to keep the tears from falling but they cascaded down my cheeks anyway so I fixed him in my gaze._

"_Yeah, I'm sorry too," I whispered, my throat aching from the pain I feel deep in my soul. "I'm sorry I believed you. I'm sorry I gave you everything I could all the while believing that nothing would ever break us apart. I'm sorry for loving you too much."_

_I didn't stay after those words were spoken. I ended up driving around town like a stray dog until I ended up in the docks. I made a split decision._

_Which is how I ended up here._

"Fuck," I whisper as I approach the island's dock cautiously, the swells pushing the boat as I try to her steady.

It's easier to come to the dock with the bow into the current or the wind, whichever is stronger so I stick to what I know.

As soon as I'm close enough I step onto the dock with the ends of both dock lines. I tie her down with icy fingers, the rain lashing my face, my bare arms and legs, eating into my skin and biting me there.

I look around helplessly for shelter but can't see much. I jog up the jetty towards the steps I see leading up through the bushy grass surrounding it. I've never been on the island. Very few people have. It's a nature conservation area and only marine biologists are allowed to stay over doing research.

Last I heard there was a weird old couple running the light house but that was years ago. I shiver even more at the thought of being stuck on an island nine miles from civilization with weird old people that no one knows anything about.

I stand still for a few moments, taking in my surroundings as I make it up the steps. To my right on the very far side of the small island is the light house, majestic and tall as it's beam lights the way for all to see.

Slightly to my left I see a small house in the distance, a flickering light in one of the windows. I take a deep breath before running towards it, my insides knotting with fear of the unknown.

My fingers throb as I knock on the door a little harder than I meant to.

The door is pulled open and I take a step back as I look into green pools of confusion. The man in front of me instantly takes my breath away, his jaw sculpted perfectly, the frown between his eyes…I want to touch it.

"I…" I don't know what to say.

"You must be freezing," his voice floats through my ears, all cold forgotten. His hand reaches for me and I let him pull me inside.

"How did you get here?"

"I…I was out on my boat and lost track of time and the weather. There was no way I would make it back to Yzerfontein. I really am sorry to intrude." My voice is low, shaking and breathless from the cold.

"Jeez," he says harshly as his hand touches my bare skin on my arm again. "You need to warm up."

I nod shakily as he pulls me through to the kitchen. I notice candles all along the way, confirming my suspicion that this little island has no electricity. The coal stove in the kitchen heats up the entire room and I make my way over to it, standing as close as I can get. I'm vaguely aware that I'm dripping all over the floor but the heat seems so much more important right now.

He leaves and comes back in a few seconds, holding a long sleeved Island Style shirt my way.

"Unfortunately there are no women clothes here but I guess this will cover you down to almost your knees. You need to get out of those wet clothes and warm up. I've left a wrap blanket on the stool just outside the bathroom for you."

"Thank you," I say gratefully. As I turn the corner I stick my head back into the kitchen. "I'm Bella," I say softly.

He turns my way and his dazzling smile heats up my centre and spreads languidly through the rest of my body.

"Nice to meet you Bella. I'm Edward."

We stare at each other a little longer than necessary before I turn and make my way down the passage as fast as I can.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi All,**

**To everyone that is already reading, a million thanks…it really does warm the soul…I can't believe when I came in this morning the amount of following/favorites notifications I received.**

**To the guest reviews….I love answering questions and replying to reviews; please don't think I'm ignoring you but I have no way of answering you if you don't log in.**

**To Guest – why is Edward living alone on an island? I think this chapter should just about explain that one for you. If you guys google Dassen Island you'll find some great info and some pics that will show you what it looks like, maybe it will be nicer to read this story if you have an idea of what it looks like. Same with Yzerfontein, that's where Bella lives and I grew up.**

**Leibeezer…words can't describe what your insistent following does for my ego ;-)**

**Now let's see how the rest of this night goes…**

I'm pleasantly surprised to find a gas geyser in the bathroom. I decide to take advantage of Edward's hospitality and jump into the shower. The geyser doesn't look very big so I quickly wash myself and my hair with his yummy smelling body wash and shampoo.

Once I dry myself I pull his shirt over my head and he was right, it hits me just above the knee. I spot a brush and quickly pull it through my hair while staring at myself in the mirror. I'm starting to feel more human and it shows. My cheeks have returned to a healthy hint of color and my eyes are alert and awake.

I almost forget why I'm here in the first place as I inhale the glorious spicy aroma of body wash…

But then it hits me like a ton of bricks…Jacob in the arms of another woman, his hands touching her the way he used to touch me, his kisses now reserved for her lips…

I'm winded and for a few seconds I can't breathe. Light spots flash in front of my eyes and I claw desperately at the door handle.

It opens and I want to take a step but my body collapses in what I assume is a pitiful mess.

I don't hear him but I feel him pick me up and I want to say thank you but I still can't breathe. I feel myself being put down on something firm yet soft just before Edward's face comes into my view.

"Bella, I need you to listen to me carefully," he instructs and the honey in his voice somehow alleviates some of the weight crushing my lungs. "I need you to breathe for me. Like this." He continues to take deep steady breaths as I try to follow.

After a few I can feel my vision returning to normal and the haziness around my view disappearing. All I can focus on are those green eyes, the ones that are somehow looking into the deepest parts of me; even though it's hidden under layers of pain.

"That's it, steady," he praises and I manage a small smile.

"I…I'm sorry," I whisper. "I don't know what came over me."

Edward stares at me for the longest moment, his eyes filled with concern and worry. There was a time when a set of deep brown eyes used to look at me the same way and I fight with everything I have inside of me not to give in to the panic that tries to overwhelm me again.

"No worries," he murmurs as he stands in front of me. "Can I offer you something to eat, to drink?"

"A drink would be nice. You wouldn't happen to have something really strong lying around would you?" I smile at him.

"You're in luck," he laughs. "Come on," he says as he takes my hand and pulls me up.

I look around quickly before we leave the room and realize he had taken me to his bedroom.

I follow him to the kitchen and take a seat at the table. I only then realize that he didn't let go of my hand until we got to the kitchen.

Edward puts two glasses on the table and sits opposite me, opening a bottle of Hennessey.

It looks like he's about to question my sanity so I jump in with a question of my own before he can speak.

"So Edward, what brings you to Dassen Island?"

He pushes one glass my way and the warm liquid instantly sets my stomach on fire, a slow burn that I love.

"I'm a Marine Biologist. I work for South African National Parks and I'm usually stationed in the Eastern Cape at the Addo Elephant Park. The old couple that runs this place takes a six month break every four years so I volunteered to come up here while they are gone."

"Interesting," I note as I run my finger along the rim of the glass. "Why would someone volunteer to live on an Island without electricity and only about 220 hectares in size?"

He sits back amused, a twinkle in his eye. "If you're hoping for some sinister story about me being on the run from the law and hiding out here or running away from a broken heart you're going to wait for a long time. I volunteered because I love nature and being here for six months while doing research is ideal. Did you know there are over 15 000 breeding pairs of African Penguin on the island?"

"Did you know the highest point above sea level is 19 meters?" I counter offer some information.

We laugh.

"How do you know so much about the island?" Edward asks as he takes another sip of his drink.

I shrug. "I grew up in Yzerfontein. I've lived there since I was 8 years old. My dad used to come out here a lot for fishing and I used to tag along."

"Doesn't he come out here anymore?"

I sigh. "No, both my parents were killed in a car accident three years ago."

"That's awful," he breathes. "I'm so sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about," I say as I straighten myself up. "It wasn't your fault and it was a long time ago."

"So what were you really doing out at sea this time of the night?"

I look away from his intense gaze.

"I told you."

"You're lying. If you've been exposed to sailing and boating since a young age you would have noticed the storm rolling in way before sunset and could have easily made it back in time."

I shrug again, tears threatening to fall. "I really don't want to talk about it."

I get up quickly, almost startling him. "Look, I'm sorry to intrude as I said before. I'll be out of your hair early in the morning. Is there anywhere I can crash? I'm really tired."

He pushes his hand through his hair. I want to do that. I can see the frustration written all over his gorgeous face.

"Of course," he says as he also gets up. "This way."

He grabs one of the candles as he walks down the passage and opens a door to his left. I notice it's directly opposite his.

The bedroom is musty and plain but clean.

"I wasn't expecting visitors and I haven't used this room since I got here but it should do."

"It's great, thanks."

He puts the candle next to the bed and takes my hand in his again. I look up at him, tears filling my eyes to the brim.

"Whatever has you running, you seem like a strong woman, you'll get through it. We don't know each other but if you want to talk, I'm here."

I nod my head and the first tear spills over and runs down my cheek. His hand comes up and his finger catches it, wiping it away. For a few seconds I lay my cheek into the palm of his hand and he cradles me like that, the warmth of his fingers comforting me somehow.

"Thank you," I whisper as I move away from him a bit. "Good night."

"Good night Bella," he whispers back. "I'm right across the hall if you need me."

I nod and he closes the door as he leaves me behind.

I curl up on the bed and let my tears flow, trying to get rid of the pain, the humiliation and the fact that Jacob will never be mine again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Just to let you know, there's a paragraph in here that comes from a pic someone sent me the other day. The words are not entirely mine although I mixed them up a bit. I just thought it was very fitting for the circumstances.**

**Thank you to everyone that is reading. I try and respond to every review I get…if I missed anyone please let me know, it was not intentional.**

**To Nathlia, a guest, sorry I can only answer you here: We visited the island frequently when I was in high school as my parents knew the couple that lived there. I met a guy there once that was staying there with them for a few weeks. He was doing research on the penguin colonies and was a Marine Biologist so I guess that's where I got the idea from.**

**Leibeezer…unfortunately I have to prove your theory wrong for this chapter **

**Song in this Chapter: Say Something by A Great Big World feat. Christina Aguilera **

I wake up in unknown surrounds. It's still dark outside but I feel that it must be close to dawn. A noise in the background coming from outside sounds like a generator running.

Jacob. Leah. Pain. Crippling pain. Edward. The Island.

I get up and make my way to the bathroom. I wash my face and laugh softly as I see a note on the mirror.

_New toothbrush inside. Please feel free to use._

I open the cabinet and do as instructed.

I make my way to the kitchen and I'm momentarily stunned when I hear the song playing. My heart beat picks up again and I hold onto the sink to keep me from falling. I've always loved the haunted lyrics of this song but now it hits too close to home.

_Say something, I'm giving up on you  
>I'll be the one, if you want me to<br>Anywhere, I would've followed you  
>Say something, I'm giving up on you<em>

__I move to the table and sit down, not trusting my legs anymore. Fuck, Jacob, how could you do this to me?

_And I am feeling so small  
>It was over my head<br>I know nothing at all_

_And I will stumble and fall  
>I'm still learning to love<br>Just starting to crawl_

I'm trying very hard to control the waves of nauseating grief that grips my heart and squeezes. How much more can I take? __

_Say something, I'm giving up on you  
>I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you<br>Anywhere, I would've followed you  
>Say something, I'm giving up on you<em>

"I hate you Jacob Black," I cry softly. "I love you so much. I'll never give up."__

_And I will swallow my pride  
>You're the one that I love<br>And I'm saying goodbye_

"Not goodbye. Don't say goodbye.."

I'm suddenly pulled up into strong arms. I latch onto the strong body that holds me to him even though it's not the body I want right now. I hold on for dear life. If I let go now I don't know how I'll ever get up again. __

_Say something, I'm giving up on you  
>And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you<br>And anywhere, I would've followed you_

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

_Say something, I'm giving up on you  
>Say something<em>

"You're going to be okay Bella."

Edward's voice is filled with the pain I feel inside and I'm too far gone to be embarrassed about my behavior.

"Why does it hurt so much? Why can't I breathe?" I cry as I grip him tighter.

"Just let it go Bella," he whispers into my hair. "Let it out, feel what you need to feel."

I don't know how long we stand like that but he doesn't let go. He holds me to him until the tears subside and I gently push away from him.

"I'm sorry. I just…I'm trying to control this but I'm not doing a very good job."

"No need to be sorry Bella. You've obviously been through something very painful recently."

We sit down and he pours me some coffee which I gratefully accept.

"I have the generator running. It's washing day. I hope you don't mind but I put your stuff in the washer as well. It's in the dryer now, should be done any minute."

"That wasn't necessary, but thank you. I guess I can't go back to the mainland dressed in just your shirt," I laugh.

"Are you heading back today?"

I look his way and by the way he asks I get the feeling that he doesn't want me to go.

"I have to get back. I didn't tell anyone that I was leaving. My brother and his fiancé will be worried if they don't hear from me soon."

He nods. "I understand. With the cell phone reception on this island being as bad as it is, I can't guarantee that we'll get through to them with my cell. Can't you call in on the radio to the mainland?"

"I could but…Emmett, my brother, will be beside himself if he knew what I did last night. He'll want to see me to believe that I'm okay."

"Well, let me check on those clothes for you."

I wait for him to return and rush to the bathroom and get dressed.

Edward walks with me to the boat.

"It's so beautiful here during the day," I mention as we walk. "I remember swimming down that way to the left, the little cove. I used to believe I was a mermaid and could speak to all the fish. I used to find it very annoying that they would swim away from me when I came closer."

We laugh together at that.

He helps me onto the boat and loosens the dock lines but turns my way before throwing them over.

"Bella. You're hurting right now. But it isn't love that hurts. Rejection hurts like hell. Losing someone you love hurts so much you can't think straight. Everyone gets these things confused with love. In reality, love is the only thing in this world that covers up all the pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. I want you to remember that."

He tosses the dock lines into the boat and without another word turns around and starts walking back towards the stairs.

His hair is a glorious mess of colors in the wind and sun and his back muscles defined beneath his white shirt. He's in a league of his own and I wish I didn't love Jacob anymore. I wish I was happy and carefree and trusting enough to get back off this boat and follow him.

But I do love Jacob.

And I'm not happy and carefree.

And I don't know what trust is anymore.

I pass a few familiar boats and faces on the way back but don't stop to talk.

I dock her and make my way up to my car. I slow down slightly when I see a seemingly frantic Emmett pacing up and down on his cellphone. I get a part of his conversation as I get closer.

"Her car is here Rose. No…no one has seen her…harbor master says it was here when he got here this morning and her boat is gone. Fuck, that storm was hectic last night. If something happened to her…"

He looks up and sees me coming closer. I see his broad shoulders sagging in relief.

"Rose, she's here. I'll see you just now...I love you too."

He comes running my way and envelopes me in a bear hug only he can give. He's squeezing too hard.

"Emmett, let me go," I beg as he push away from him.

"Bella. Are you okay? What the hell were you thinking going out last night in that weather? Where have you been all night? On the boat? Are you nuts?"

"Whoa, Emmett. One at a time. I'm fine, I think. I don't know what I was thinking; I don't think I was thinking at all. I had to stay on the island; I would have never made it back. I'm sorry for worrying you, I was hoping to get back before you noticed I was gone." I sound like a robot.

"That isn't good enough Bella. Fuck, you're not this irresponsible. Something's up and I want to know what it is."

"Emmett, I'm really tired right now. Please, let me go home and I'll come by your place a little later. Please."

It doesn't look like he's going to let me get off but he nods solemnly, opening my car door.

"You better make an appearance before two p.m. Bella. I'm serious, I want to know what happened."

I nod, closing my car door. I take the short drive up the hill to my house. I love this place. My parents left it to me and Emmett but I live here while he lives with Rose. It overlooks the harbor and most of our little coastal village. The double story with mostly glass front lets you take in all the splendor of the ocean, as does the affinity pool that makes you feel like you're swimming straight into the sea.

I change into my bikini and grab a bowl of cereal before making myself comfortable on the outside lounger in the shade. I'm hungry as hell but after a couple of bites I start feeling sick and I put the bowl down.

Edward's words run over and over in my head. I try to make sense of them but right now I can't. Love is what has me feeling this way. Love did this to me, nothing else.

Edward. I shake my head as if to get his image from my mind's eye. Golden bronze hair blowing in the wind, his hand running through it. I wonder what it feels like.

I walk to the edge of my patio, leaning over the railing. I can see the island in the distance and I wonder what he's doing right now. Is he thinking of me too?

I don't understand these feelings, they're confusing me. I yearn for Jacob yet I can't get Edward out of my head.

I decide to head down to Emmett and Rose…might as well get this over with.


	4. Chapter 4

**So not much to say except thanks for all the reviews and to everyone that is reading The Island.**

**Leibeezer...my supporter from day one on The Long Walk...again, thank you.**

**Okay...let's see how Emmett handles it all.**

"I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch!" Emmett roars when I finish telling him and Rose what happened. "I told you from the start he was bad news Bella but you wouldn't listen!"

I flinch as his fist meets the wall and Rosalie walks towards him angrily.

"For God's sake Emmett, stop it. You're not doing any good acting the way you are. And you're not going to kill him, let Bella deal with this the way she feels she needs to."

I throw her a thankful glance and she smiles softly.

"You must be kidding me!" Emmett shouts again. "She owns damn restaurant that flooze is working at. She has to look at her every day knowing what's going on. How is that fair?"

I sigh, get up and walk over to Emmett as well. "I'll manage Emmett. I don't want anyone to lose their job. Leah's mom, Sue, is a single mother and Seth is still in high school. Leah can't afford to lose her job. It won't just affect her but the rest of the family as well. They shouldn't have to pay for her sins."

"I can't believe you're standing there discussing this like you're ordering a damn drink at a bar. You can't be serious about this. What are you, some type of masochist?"

"I'm serious Emmett. Please, the last thing I need is for you to get into it with Jacob. I'm embarrassed enough as it is without people laughing behind my back because my brother has to fight my battles."

He flinches and I soften somewhat towards him. "It's my job to take care of you," he says, hurt evident in his voice. For a big guy like Emmett, he sure has a mushy center.

I hug him hard and when I let go I take his and Roses' hands in mine. "I know Grizzly," I say, using the nickname I gave him when we were kids. He offers a small smile. "But I'm not a kid anymore. I'm twenty four and I've been in charge of my life since mom and dad died. I love you so much but you have to let me handle this how I see fit. Please."

He doesn't seem like he's going to budge and I'm grateful when Rose pipes up.

"Listen to her Emmett. I tell you what, seeing as though I have a month before I start my new job, how about I take care of things at the restaurant for you for a few weeks? I know the ins and outs by now. That way you can come in if you want or not come in, the choice is yours."

I eye her skeptically. Rose can be one mean bitch when she wants to as well. Maybe that's why she and Emmett fit so well, they are both fiercely protective of the ones they love.

"I promise not to fire her or give her the third degree…if she stays in line."

I laugh at that and Emmett seems to like the idea because he nods once.

"I can live with that," he relents.

"Me too," I agree.

Emmett leaves shortly after to check on his boats that are coming in. Seems it's been a good catch today so far. He owns twelve fishing boats and he loves every minute of being outside all day like a child with no worries. It suits him and he makes a fortune doing what he loves.

I sit around watching Rose bake for a while before I make a split decision.

"Rose, I'm heading out on the boat for a bit."

She eyes me with a smile on her face.

"Why?"

"Does there have to be a reason?"

"Bella Swan. I've known you for four years and in all that time you've hardly ever taken the boat out alone. I can sort of understand why you did what you did last night although I still want to slap you silly but do you really think I buy that you moored your boat at the island and sat in the light house all night?"

I move from one foot to the other.

"Look, don't tell Emmett yet because I know he'll freak but I met someone on the island last night. His name is Edward and he's watching it for six months while the old couple is gone. I just want to go and thank him for letting me stay there last night."

"And the plot thickens. Jeez Bella, you don't even know this guy. For all we know he could be some weirdo serial killer that wants to cut you up into little pieces and feed you to his pet shark."

I laugh at that and eventually she joins in because of how absurd it sounds.

"He's a marine biologist and works for SAnparks Rose. I doubt he's a serial killer or weirdo or whatever."

"You coming back today?"

"Yes, of course," I say, trying to sound indignant but failing miserably. We laugh again.

"Be careful Bella. I won't tell Emmett but if you plan on seeing more of this guy you need to tell him before he finds out from somewhere else. You know the fishermen will see your boat there if they go up far enough. They're catching at Pike Rock if I'm not mistaken which isn't too far off."

"I promise I will. I don't even know if I'll see him again after today so let's just see what happens."

"Do you want to see him again?"

"I don't know Rose. I'm hurting so much right now. But to be honest, being with him helped somehow, like he was taking way a bit of the pain by just being there."

She sighs. "I know what you mean. Emmett did that for me when I found out Royce was sleeping with half of the town we lived in. Just…like I said, be careful."

"I will."

I hug her goodbye and run outside. I make a stop at my place. I fill the cooler box with ice and pack some beers.

The trip to the island is ten times easier than it was last night. It's so hot I don't bother with a jacket even though I've brought one with in case. I'm still in my bikini top but donned jean shorts and Sperry Top-Siders on my feet. My dad taught me from a young age how to look after my boat and boating shoes are one of the first lessons I ever learned. He had laughed when I had eventually found a pair that looks almost identical to my Converse.

I'm a little nervous when I see him swimming alongside the jetty. He sees me and swims back to shore before jogging down and catching my dock lines again. The smile on his face is wide and magical.

"Didn't expect to see you so soon again," he says as he takes the cooler box before holding his hand out to me.

"I didn't think I'd be back so soon," I say in return.

"Not that I'm not happy to see you, but why are you back so soon?" he asks seriously.

I look at him for a few seconds, his hair darker from the swim but still shining in the sunlight.

"Honestly? I don't know. I guess I just wanted to say thank you. I brought some beers in case you had some free time."

He laughs. "Free time is mostly always Bella. Look around, not much to do. I do some research and keep notes of the penguin breeding habits in the mornings but that's about it."

"Good," I hear myself saying, smiling widely now as well. "I could use the company."


	5. Chapter 5

**Thought I'd post another one for the weekend :-) **

**Enjoy!**

He starts heading up towards the house but I pull him back.

"Remember that cove I told you about? Mind if we hang out there for a while?"

"Not at all, lead the way. How much time do you have?" he asks as we walk.

We get there and it's just as I remember. There's a groove between the rocks with a small sandy beach, the water as blue as can be and as clear as glass.

"I should probably be out of here by around four this afternoon. Emmett was kind of crazy with worry and he'll kick my ass if I do something like that again."

"He seems very protective of you."

"Yeah, big time. Especially since our parents died. I know he's just being all brotherly and everything but seriously, sometimes I wish he'd ease up a bit. I do know how to take care of myself. But after heading out last night…that was silly so I'm going to have to prove myself again in order for him to see that I won't do anything that stupid again. Plus, he doesn't know about you. I didn't want to add to his worries. He just thinks I weathered the storm here for the night."

I take my short and shoes off and sit down in the shallow water. He joins me and hands me a beer. I laugh at the penguins antics as he offers some insight to their behavior. Although the Atlantic is icy cold, the water seems to warm up a bit in the coves such as this around the island.

"You mentioned that Emmett was engaged?"

"Yeah. He's been with Rose for four years. She's amazing and they fit well together. Although she can be a real bitch if the need arises. Sometimes I think she's more protective of me than he is but she lets me slide now and again. And you? Any brothers or sisters?"

"Yeah, younger sister, Alice. She's twenty three. She's been dating Jasper since high school and I've heard whispers about him wanting to ask her to marry him. My parents are ecstatic and I guess I am too. He's a great guy. She's all energy and he's all calm, they even each other out well. Actually, I'm supposed to meet them in Yzerfontein tomorrow. They're going to stay in a guest house for a few days to visit. I'm allowed two days off every now and again."

"You must miss your family. How long have you been here?"

"Only three weeks so it hasn't been that long. But we're a close family so even a week is too much."

"Why don't you guys stay with me?" I hear myself say. What? Where the hell did that come from? Did I just offer that? Emmett is gonna kill me and Rose is going to have me institutionalized.

He looks shocked but amused. "I couldn't ask that of you Bella. It's to great an imposition. You hardly know me and don't know Alice and Jasper at all. You might kick us out in a couple of hours after arriving."

"No, I'm serious. Why go through the expense of paying for a guest house when I have my house all to myself. It's up on the hill overlooking the harbor. The ground floor is all the living areas and the second floor consists of five bedrooms and three bathrooms. It's huge, really, it wouldn't be a problem."

He thinks on it a bit before cocking his head to the side. "You're serious."

"I am." I think I am but it's too late to retract the offer now anyway.

"Then thank you. That would be great. I'll call Alice in the morning and let her know the change of plans."

"Why don't you give me her number and I'll call her when I get back to the mainland? She might have booked already and that way I can find out where and cancel on her behalf. I grew up there so I know everyone in town. It will be easier for me to cancel on such short notice."

"That's really generous of you Bella. Thank you."

I take my phone out of my pocket and save the number before putting it back.

"I meant it when I said she's a ball of energy. Don't let her bulldoze you on the phone."

"Okay, now you're making me worried," I laugh. "Seriously, it can't be that bad."

He laughs. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

I get up to fetch us another beer and as I look past the rocks I see him…and her. His boat is anchored to our left and he has her in his arms, her black hair blowing slightly in the cooling breeze.

I stand frozen. I want to move but I can't.

Those familiar arms are holding her close; those familiar lips are claiming hers in such passion, a passion I can remember so well.

"Bella?"

I hear Edward's voice but I can't respond.

"Bella? What's wrong?"

His voice has turned urgent and I feel his hand on my arm. I glance his way and back out to sea. I see Edward's head turn from the side, looking in the direction I'm staring.

I see Jacob pull away from her and start to turn our way. I practically fall down behind the rocks, not wanting him to think I'm spying on him, or worse, following him around like a sorry psycho ex-lover.

Edward kind of takes the hint and goes down into a crouch next to me.

"Who is that?" he asks worriedly.

"No one. I need to go."

He grabs hold of my arm when I want to leave and I look back at him. "You're not leaving in this condition Bella. Shit, you're shaking."

I look down and see what he's talking about. My hands are shaking violently and I feel a rumbling tremor run through my body over and over again.

"I'm fine," I insist.

"No, you're not," he argues. "You can't take the boat back to the mainland like this. Please, sit down for a few minutes, have another beer…just calm down."

I look into his pleading eyes and sigh, knowing he's right.

"Okay, I'm going for a swim."

He nods and I dive into the cool waters, careful to stay behind the rocks so that they don't spot me. When I'm cooled I sit down opposite Edward on the hot sand, my feet still emerged in the water. I take the beer from him and take a few gulps.

"Feeling better?"

"Yeah, a little."

He chuckles. "The water tends to do that…wash away some of our worries."

"I can't…I don't…dammit, why is it so hard for me to explain." I feel trapped in my feelings. I need to share them; I need someone to carry this burden with me. I can't talk to Emmett and Rose like I want to, it will make them worry so much more.

"Bella, I'm not pushing. I have no right to. All I want you to know is I'm here if you need to talk."

I nod and I just know I must look so pathetic right now because I feel it.

"I better head back. I'm sorry about this. I want to get it off my chest so badly but I just don't know how to. I've never felt this way before. The hurt, it's suffocating me."

He pulls me up and I wrap a towel around me instead of putting my shorts back on because I'm still wet.

He walks with me and I put my shoes on when we get to the boat.

"I'll call your sister when I get back to the mainland. Should I pick you up at the harbor tomorrow morning?"

"I have a car in storage at someone's house, but yes, that would be great, thanks. Let's say around eleven? Alice was saying that they would only arrive in the afternoon."

"Eleven it is. I have to make a trip to Darling tomorrow so I'll wait to pick you up. I'm short on some stuff. See you then."

He tosses my dock lines over and just before I start the boat I look around.

"Edward?"

"Yes?" he says, looking back.

"You're right about the ocean taking away some of our worries. But honestly, it isn't the ocean that's calming me down…it's you."

He smiles that million dollar smile that pulls at something deep inside of me.

"You're better at talking about how you feel than you realize," he says before he waves and starts walking up the jetty.


	6. Chapter 6

**Wow guys, I am totally blown away with the following for this story. Thank you so much to everyone!**

**Leibeezer - I think she wishes Bella was a bit more feisty…we'll get there, don't worry.**

**Nathalia (Guest) – love getting your reviews!**

**Okay, Bella gets a surprise…**

I grin when I put the phone down and get into my pool with a glass of wine. The sun is touching the ocean in a breathtaking mix of colors.

Edward was right, Alice is something else. I felt like I was being interrogated by the FBI. I think she sort of knows everything about me right now…except for Jacob. She sounds like fun and with her vision of us being best friends I find myself wanting to believe it. I only have Rose to confide in and it'll be nice to have someone else to talk to now and again.

I'm lying on my back floating in the pool when I hear a loud knock on the front door. I scramble out of the pool and wet the floor as I walk to open it.

"Emmett, can't you remember the entrance code…" My voice dies on my lips.

Edward. He's standing in front of me with a bag slung on his back. His hair is windblown as usual. He looks…delectable.

"Edward."

"Bella. I hope you don't mind. I was keeping an eye on the weather and it seems a storm might be rolling in. I was worried I might get stuck on the island tomorrow. Some guy named Mike down at the harbor explained to me how to get here."

"Okay. Ummm…it's no problem at all. I'm just a bit surprised to see you, that's all. Please, come in."

I stand one side and he walks in, looking around as he does.

"Wow, this is some house you have here."

"Yeah. I inherited it from my parents. Actually, both Emmett and I did but he lives with Rose. I also inherited the only restaurant in town which I still run."

"Great. Maybe we should take Alice and Jasper there tomorrow night."

I hesitate. He sees. "Or maybe not," he says frowning.

"Let's play it by ear. Come on; let me show you your room. I'm in the pool if you'd like to join me."

"Sounds good, it's been a long hot day."

I don't know why but I opt to give him the bedroom closest to mine. It also has its own bathroom. He puts his bag on the bed and I open the curtains and sliding doors, letting the sea breeze flow through the air.

"I hope you like it," I say nervously.

"It's wonderful. Thanks Bella. This is too much. I don't know what to say."

"You've already said thanks. That's enough Edward," I say as we take the stairs back down.

"Anything to drink?"

"Yeah. A beer will be fine."

"Sure? I've got just about everything I think. Whiskey, cognac, gin, wine…"

He laughs. "A beer is okay. I might have a whiskey later on."

I walk out just in time to see him pull his shirt over his head, the muscles in his back dancing in the light shining from inside, moving agilely under his sun kissed skin. My hand reaches out to touch it out of own volition but I jerk it back when he starts turning around.

"Your beer," I say and I'm sure I'm blushing furiously because he gives me a questioning look which I choose to ignore.

I hurry around him and get back in the pool, taking my glass of wine with me. I hear him get in behind me.

"You were right about Alice," I laugh as he sits on the step in the pool opposite me.

Edward groans. "Oh no. What did she do? Or rather what did she say?"

"The question is what did she not say? She reminds me of a little Tasmanian devil. I think she knows just about my entire history, where I went to school, my family tree."

"I'll talk to her when they get here tomorrow. She just doesn't get it that sometimes people don't want to talk about themselves."

"No Edward, it's fine. Leave her be. Trust me, if I didn't want to dish out information, I wouldn't. I've given her directions to the house. She said they should be here around three tomorrow afternoon."

I start standing up but somehow get caught in my own feet and I fall forward. Edward's arms shoot out, catching me just before I fall face first into the pool. God, how embarrassing is this?

"You okay?" he asks.

I turn in his arms and I'm stunned when I find him face to face with me…so close I can smell the hint of beer on his intoxicating breath.

Something shifts between us, he doesn't let go and I hold on. If I just move a little forward. His eyes dart from my eyes to my lips and back, asking, waiting for a hint of an invitation. I want to kiss him, with everything inside of me I want to taste him.

The doorbell breaks the spell and just like that the bubble that was surrounding us burst. I push away from him and he lets go without a fight.

"Think you can stand without falling down?" he jokes.

"Shut it Smartass," I joke back as I get out of the pool.

Please don't be Emmett, I pray as I start opening the door. But when I see who it is I wish with all I have inside of me that it had been Emmett instead. I'd take his wrath any day over the dagger that has just pierced my heart.

"Jacob."

"Bella."

A few awkward seconds pass as we stare at each other. Seeing him, feeling the heat radiating from his body cuts me open again.

"Can I come in?"

"I don't think that's such a good idea Jake."

He looks at me questioningly when we both hear a voice from behind.

"You want me to refill your glass?"

He looks over my shoulder and his jaw sets in that way that tells me he's not happy at all. I turn and see Edward standing at the kitchen entrance with my glass in his hand. Something on my face must convey the pain I'm feeling inside because he puts the glass down and starts heading our way.

"Who is this?" Jacob asks accusingly, totally ignoring Edward who is now standing behind me.

"Edward," I manage. "Edward, this is Jacob."

Edward must know Jake was the one on the boat. He was close enough to see. They shake hands, holding on a fraction of a second too long but I notice it.

Jacob looks down at me again.

"Replacing me so soon?" he asks snidely.

I'm winded. I can't believe he just said that.

"That really hurt Jake," I say softly, but he's ignoring me, staring at Edward.

"You're that guy," Jacob says. "From the island. I've seen you around there from my boat. You're watching it while the regulars are away."

"Yes, that would be me," Edward says with strained politeness before turning to me. "I'll be in the kitchen pouring you some more wine."

He turns and leaves Jacob and me alone.

"What the hell are you doing Bella?" Jacob growls.

"What are you talking about?"

"You don't know this guy at all yet he's here, in our house?"

"This is my house Jacob, not our house. And I know enough about Edward to feel comfortable with him being here. Besides, I don't owe you any explanation."

"Bullshit. I think I need to talk to Emmett about this."

"Yeah, you do that Jake. Emmett's dying to get his hands on you," I threaten because I can't let him get to Emmett before I explain things to him.

The color drains from Jake's face and I know I've hit my mark. He knows Emmett will make shark bait out of him even though he can mostly stand his own.

"This conversation isn't over Bella," he says as he turns and starts walking away.

"This conversation never started Jake. Maybe you should go and have it with Leah!" I shout after him childishly before I shut the door. I'm shaking.

I stand like that for a few seconds trying to catch my breath before I turn around and see Edward leaning against the kitchen counter.

"You want to talk about it?" he asks softly as he hands me my glass of wine.

"Do I want to? No. Do I have to? Yes."

I sigh as I grab his hand, leading him back outside.

"Look, I didn't like the way he was talking to you, but seeing as though I have no idea what is going on, I didn't feel it was my place to interfere," he explains.

I nod slowly.

"I think it's time I tell you why I'm broken…and why I'll never be fixed."


	7. Chapter 7

**Again, I'm blown away by your awesomeness!**

**Leibeezer and Bugsmamawolf still thinks Leah should get the boot…**

**Nathalia it seems would love for Emmett to kick Jacob's butt…**

**As this story is literally in the making and I'm making it up as I go…I might take your suggestions into consideration.**

**Okay, Bella confesses all…**

"Jake and I have been with each other for five years. Or should I say had been. It still seems so weird to think of us in the past tense."

My hand is still shaking as I lift my glass to take a sip.

Edward doesn't say anything. He's looking at me intently, waiting for me to carry on talking.

"A few hours before I met you he told me that he'd been having an affair for three weeks. I told you about the restaurant I own? Well, about a month ago a new waitress started working for me. Her name is Leah. Apparently it was love at first sight."

I sound bitter and old and I hate it. I look at Edward and he looks murderous.

I take another big gulp of wine. "I don't know what to do Edward. Five years of my life has turned out to be a lie. How can he know in a few weeks that he loves her more than he loved me for five years? Did he ever love me at all? He was my sun, you know? When my parents died he pulled me through the dark times. He always shone so bright. Now…now he's shining for someone else and it kills me inside."

I start crying even though I don't want to. The bleeding wound inside flowing freely, poisoning my system with unbridled agony.

"Bella…" Edward sits next to me and I don't wait for him to pull me closer, I lay my head on his chest. The beating of his heart throbs through my body, pulling me slightly back to reality. He holds me close, his fingers knotting in my hair.

"I just feel so useless and unworthy. After everything we meant to each other, I feel like I'm not good enough, that I never will be."

"Don't say that Bella," Edward says softly. "He's a fool to let you go. Trust me."

I look up at him, our faces so close again. "I don't know what trust is anymore."

"Then let me show you," he says earnestly, his eyes pleading with me to let him in.

"I can't Edward. I'm too scared," I admit.

"Just give it time Bella. Let me be your friend."

This time it's my eyes that are darting between his eyes and his mouth and I don't know what comes over me but I move forward and hesitantly and softly place my lips on his. It's not the lips I'm yearning for but I'll take it. I pull back and we stare at each other for a moment before his hand pulls my hair slightly behind my neck and he pulls me back to him with a moan that vibrates through my body.

His tongue pushes against my mouth, begging for entrance and I open for him, heat radiating between us, melding us together. He tasted like sugar and spice and all things nice.

I fight the part of my heart that is begging me to step away, to hold onto Jake for as long as I can. I move, straddling him and his mouth moves to my throat, licking and nipping and it pulls my stomach tight.

My hips start moving against him and I think he's with me when his hands suddenly grip my sides, keeping me still.

I pull back and look at him, out of breath and wanting.

"No Bella. I can't do this." His breathing is as ragged as mine.

What? Did I just hear what I think I heard? Rejection washes over me for the second time in so many days.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me," I say as I scramble off his lap and turn around to hide my tears.

He turns me around and lifts my face with his finger beneath my chin.

"Bella, I didn't say I don't want to do this because believe me, I've never wanted anything as much as I want you right now. But you're not ready. I can't do this knowing the only reason you're doing this is to forget about Jacob."

His face lowers and he kisses me softly and sweetly, the salt of my tears against both our lips.

"Promise me the next time you do that you're ready to be with me, only me. I don't think I have the power to stop again."

"That might be a really long time Edward," I sigh.

"Then I'll wait. I'm a patient man."

"I don't want you to do that Edward. I might never be ready. I don't want to waste your time."

"Tell me what you feel when you're with me Bella."

"It's hard to explain. I have this ache in my chest that makes it difficult to breathe because a part of me wants Jacob to come striding in and tell me it's all been one big misunderstanding. But then I'm with you and I feel better, like it isn't as bad as it seems. I couldn't stay away today and that scares me. It felt like I had to see you. It just doesn't make sense."

He has the biggest smile and I can't help but smile with him.

"I can't stay away either. I was actually glad when I realized a storm might hit because it gave me an excuse to see you. You don't have to explain it Bella. It is what it is. Let's just see where it takes us."

I nod, wanting to believe everything he says. "Okay. I can live with that."

"So," he changes the subject. "What's for dinner?"

"Oh God, I haven't even thought of that yet. Should we see what we can throw together?"

"Sounds like an idea."

We decide on a quick stir fry and Edward does most of the cooking while I drink wine at the kitchen counter.

Our conversation is light and easy, taking my mind off dreaded thoughts of Jacob.

We say goodnight and I'm surprised at how easy I fall asleep knowing that Edward is in the room next door.

"_You were never the one for me Bella. Surely you know that."_

"_Jake, I don't understand, I thought you loved me."_

_His laugh is akin to a hyena circling a carcass, its mouth watering to feast on the left overs of my broken heart._

"_You're so stupid Bella. Really. Leah is everything you never were. A real woman. A woman that knows how to satisfy a man."_

_Leah appears next to Jake and they turn around and start walking away, laughing at my expense._

"_Jake! Please, don't do this!"_

"Bella, wake up. Please."

I startle as Edward's voice breaks through my nightmare and I sit up in bed, gasping for air.

"It's okay Bella, it was just a dream."

"Just a dream," I mumble, looking around and finally meeting his worried gaze.

"Are you okay now?" he asks.

I nod, even though I'm anything but okay.

"I'll see you in the morning then," he says as he makes to leave.

I grab his arm. "No, please, don't leave me. Stay."

"Bella…"

"Please Edward." I'm begging.

He looks at me helplessly for a few seconds before he nods and he walks to the other side of the bed. I'm acutely aware that he's in his boxers and nothing else and he looks almost ethereal in the pale moonlight.

He gets in and I snuggle into his side, his arm holding me close, my head resting on his chest.

"Is this okay?" I ask, remembering our earlier conversation and not wanting to cross lines that shouldn't be crossed.

"It's fine Bella. Try to get some sleep."

His voice is strained and I realize how uncomfortable this situation must be for him. Yet, here he is, willing to do whatever it takes to make me feel better.

The rest of my sleep is a dreamless pit of despair.


	8. Chapter 8

**Wow, it seems everyone wants Jake to get what's coming.**

**Nathalia – you had me laughing out loud with your comment! **

**Leibeezer likes this Edward…I like him too…**

**To the guest reviewers, I'm sorry I can't respond to you directly but know that I appreciate every single review!**

I wake up with the light of day making me close my eyes again and turn my back to the window. I open them again only to be met by a sight that takes my breath away.

Edward is lying on his side facing me. His hair is a fantastical mess of colors, his face serene in his state of slumber.

I tentatively reach out, my fingers barely tracing the plains of his forehead, his eyebrows, the bridge of his nose. He stirs slightly and I pull my hand back.

"Don't stop," he mumbles and I giggle.

"Faker," I accuse. "I thought you were sleeping."

"I was," he says as his eyes open sleepily to reveal those emerald green orbs. "I woke up at the eyebrows."

"Was I not crossing a line doing that?"

He props himself up on his elbow and I can't help but notice the movement of his bicep.

"What do you mean? What line?" He seems perplexed.

I sit up, pulling my legs to my chest and I lay my head on my knees, looking down at him.

"I mean what you said last night. About promising to wait until I'm ready. I don't know what's going on here Edward but I do know I don't want to mess it up."

Edward sits up too and runs his hand through his hair. If only he knew what that does to me.

"Bella, what I meant last night was that I don't want you to do things with me to try and forget about Jacob. The confrontation last night pushed you to a point where you needed anything to take your mind off it. Firstly, I couldn't go through with it because I know you would have regretted it this morning. Secondly, I want you to want to be with me because you want to, for no other reason. I never meant to draw any lines Bella and I'm sorry if it came across that way. If you want to touch my face while I'm sleeping, please do so. If you want to hold my hand, please do so. All I'm asking is when you share a part of yourself with me, it needs to be because you want it as much as I do."

I raise my head, shocked by his last statement.

"What do you mean as much as you want it?"

He reaches out and takes my hand in his, watching as his fingers play with mine.

"Look, I know we've just met and I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I believe in fate Bella. I believe you knocked on my door for a reason because since the first moment I laid eyes on you all I've wanted to do is protect you, cherish you, be whatever you need me to be. I don't understand it and I'm not even going to try. I'm just going with it, going with the flow so to speak, hoping that a time will come when you want to fall into this madness with me."

I don't know how to respond so I turn my head, staring out the window. Eventually I feel him getting up.

"Do you want me to fix us some breakfast?" he asks.

I look at the clock and jump up myself.

"Jeez Edward, it's almost eleven! I can't even remember when last I've slept this late. We need to take a trip to Darling before Alice and Jasper arrives. Okay, you make breakfast while I shower and I'll clean up after we've eaten while you shower."

He laughs a carefree laugh, showing off his perfect teeth.

"Relax Bella. We have time."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," I say, calming somewhat. "I just hate rushing."

"Well then, let's get to it." He closes the bedroom door behind him as he leaves.

I try not to think too much as I shower. Confusion has me reeling. When I'm dressed I'm still no closer to working through my scrambled emotions than I was when I woke up this morning.

Our trip to Darling is a pleasant one. Edward insists on paying for some things and I let him because I can see it's important to him.

Back in Yzerfontein we see the clouds rolling in fast over the ocean and I'm glad he decided to come yesterday.

We just get out of the car when I hear a hooter behind us. I know that sound. Rose. Shit. Busted.

She's all leggy blonde model as she gets out of the car and approaches us.

"Bella," she says in that tone that makes me cringe, but when she looks at Edward she's all smiles. "And you must be Edward. I'm Rose, Bella's almost sister in law."

Edward chuckles and shakes her hand. "It's a pleasure Rose, I've heard so much about you."

"All good I hope?"

"Yes," he replies smoothly, charming as only he can be. "All good. Bella, should I take the stuff into the house?"

"Yes, thanks," I mumble.

Rose waits until he's inside to unleash her fury on me.

"Bella! Are you out of your mind? What the hell is he doing here?"

"Rose, please, relax. His sister and her boyfriend are arriving today and I offered for them to stay here."

She relaxes a bit. "Well, I feel a bit better knowing you're not shacking up alone with him. Emmett is going to flip Bella. You need to talk to him."

"I know," I whine. "Jacob came around last night."

I swear I see the hairs on her neck stand up.

"I don't know why he came but he saw Edward here. He was more than pissed, said he was going to talk to Emmett. I bought some time by hinting that Emmett can't wait to bash his skull in."

Rose bursts out laughing at that and I know I'm sort of forgiven.

"Good going. He stopped in front of the restaurant this morning but when he saw me he started up and left again. Coward."

"Yeah. Look, I don't want to be rude and leave Edward alone inside for too long. Just trust me Rose. I'm not doing anything stupid. Edward has been the perfect gentleman and it's kind of nice having him around. He's keeping me grounded Rose. I can't explain it but he does. I feel better with him around."

She crosses her arms over her chest and huffs. "Okay, look, I can't tell you what to do. I just want you to know that I worry about you, so does Emmett. Be careful. At least if he shows up here Edward's sister and boyfriend will also be here so it'll be easier to explain. I don't even want to think about what will happen if he finds the two of you here alone."

"Thanks for understanding Rose. And I know you care, I love you for it."

She pulls me in for a hug and even though she's nowhere near as big as Emmett, it's still a bone crushing embrace. "Love you Bella."

"Love you too Rose."

I wait for her to drive off before walking inside. I giggle as I see Edward opening and closing cupboards, trying to see where everything goes.

"Very domesticated," I joke. "I think I'll keep you."

He turns around with a lopsided smile. "I'd like to be kept. By the way, you need to reorganize this kitchen. It's not very user friendly."

"Hang on there Sailor," I say as I round the counter and grab the pasta out of his hand. "I like my kitchen just the way it is."

I yelp and lurch forward as thunder explodes in the air and he laughs as he catches me. "Afraid of thunder?"

"No, I just wasn't expecting it," I say, swatting his arm.

Another hooter blows out front, one I don't know but Edward's face lights up even more. He looks down at me and I want to lose myself in his happiness.

"Ready to meet the Tasmanian devil?" he asks.

I take a deep breath. "Ready as I'll ever be."


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi All,**

**Thanks again for all our reviews. I love you all so much for it. It just makes me push on quicker.**

**I wanted to let you know I am going away on holiday and will only be back with permanent access to internet on 7****th**** January.**

**This will be the last daily post. I have written up to Chapter 11 so far and will try to post Chapter 10 and 11 during this period when I get access. I promise to also try and write some more during the holidays if I can and then post that as well but that's not a definite.**

**All I can say is…Chapter 11…you'll be happy with me leaving you at that.**

**All reviews given during this time will be responded to on 7 January if I can't do so sooner.**

**I wish everyone a lovely holiday season (not sure how holidays work overseas) and to everyone that celebrates Christmas, may it be a festive and happy one.**

I just pass through the door outside when an energizer ball with spiky black hair slams into me out of nowhere. I have no choice but to hug her back otherwise we'll both topple over.

"Bella! It's so good to meet you!" she shouts, her voice piercing my ear.

"Alice," Edward warns and she lets go, smiling shyly.

"Oops. Sorry. Sometimes I can't help myself."

"No sweat Alice. It's a pleasure meeting you too."

"Edward!" she shouts and jumps upon him, her legs around his waist. He laughs as he twirls her around.

I turn back to Jasper. Wow, he's all gorgeous with tousled blonde hair and a smile to die for. His eyes are a calm ocean blue, like the calm after a storm.

"Jasper, glad you could make it."

"Thanks Bella. Please excuse Alice. She's a little overwhelming when you don't know her."

"You don't have to explain Jasper. I'm sure her heart is in the right place."

"Always, of that you can be assured," he answers as he looks over to Alice and Edward.

We both smile as we watch her still attached to him, her smile wide and a tear running down her cheek.

"I missed you Edward," she says softly.

"Missed you too Alice. Three weeks is too long."

"Yeah, I agree. But this is how it's going to be for six months. I don't know how I'm going to do it. Mom and Dad send their love from London. They'll be here when your next free pass is up."

"I can't wait," he says as he lowers her onto the ground at last.

"Edward, why don't you help Jasper carry the bags up to one of the spare rooms. I'll get us all something to drink so long. Beer?"

With that another thunderous roar fills the sky and I jump slightly, making Edward laugh.

"That's twice today Bella."

"Don't get used to it," I joke back. "You want that beer or not?"

"Oooh," Alice pipes up. "She's feisty. I like her."

We all laugh at that as the men take the luggage out of the boot and we go inside.

"So," Alice says as I pour us each a glass of wine and take out two beers for the guys. "I think I pretty much know everything about you. What I didn't ask was what your connection is with my brother."

"Honestly Alice? I have no idea," I laugh nervously.

"Don't you like him?" she pouts.

"Of course I like him. What's not to like? It's just; he deserves someone that can give him everything Alice. Right now, I don't think I can give him anything."

She surprises me when she walks around the counter and takes both my hands in hers.

"I appreciate your honesty Bella. I hardly know you but what I do know is I'm a very good judge of character and I like you a lot. But I can also see the sadness in your eyes, even when you smile, it doesn't go away. If you ever need to talk, or rant and rave, or cry and scream, I'm here. Please don't forget that."

My eyes fill with tears as does hers as we stare at each other for a moment longer before we embrace.

"Jeez Alice," we hear Edward from behind. "I leave you alone with her for a minute and you're already making a move."

We look at them and their smiles falter.

"Awe Alice," Jasper says as he pulls her against his chest. "We've barely arrived and you already have our hostess in tears."

"You okay?" Edward asks. He holds out his hand, waiting for me to accept it without pushing. I ignore the hand and wrap my arm around his waist.

"I'm fine Edward. Your sister and I were just discussing The Notebook and well, you know how we girls get when it comes to that movie."

He's not buying it, I can see it in his eyes, but luckily he doesn't push.

"Yeah Edward," Alice giggles. "You know, when they kiss wildly in the rain. When they die together at the end?" she says dramatically, her arms wrapping around her own waist.

"Okay, okay," Jasper pipes up. "We're not going into the details of that movie again. We won't pry if you girls promise not to mention The Notebook for the rest of our stay."

"Deal," Alice squeals and pulls me into her side as we make our way to the pool.

"The Notebook," she whispers so only I can hear. "It works every time."

We giggle on the way to the pool together.

We only sit there for a short while before we're forced inside by gale force winds and pouring rain. Edward and Jasper closes the huge sliding doors to keep the cold at bay.

The next few hours are absolutely amazing.

In a short time I totally fall in love with Alice and Jasper. I learn that Alice is completing her Bachelor Degree in Fashion Design in Cape Town and will be heading to New York for a six month internship in April next year.

Jasper has a degree in Animal Science and specialized in Equine Science. He runs a small family owned stud farm in Durbanville on behalf of his uncle that immigrated to Texas. Both his parents died in a car accident as well but he was a young nine years old when it happened and he then moved in with his uncle and aunt.

Alice has been living there with him for just over a year. Jasper is three years older than Alice and they've been dating since high school.

Edward gets all embarrassed as Jasper recounts his first try at horse riding.

"Honestly Bella, you should have seen him. It took us about a half an hour to get him on the horse. Plus I gave him Daisy; I think from the name you can guess she's as meek as a lamb. Anyway, so we eventually get him on the horse and I lead him around the paddock and give him pointers so that he can get the feel of it. I let go of the reigns and he just about had a heart attack, screamed so loud that he gave Daisy the fright of her dear life. She bolted and Edward sort of just stayed behind and landed on his ass"

I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe and my stomach is aching.

"Yeah, thanks for that Jasper. Nice way of letting Bella know what a douche I am."

"Oh Edward," I laugh. "Don't be a baby. I think it's adorable. Maybe you'll try again, with me? I can teach you if you'd like?"

"You ride?" Jasper asks excitedly.

"Yip. Started taking lessons when I was five years old. I was on the Western Province Dressage and Cross Country team all five years of high school. I don't get to ride as much anymore though and I miss it. There used to be a farm just outside Yzerfontein where you could ride but they closed down. It's still for sale actually but even though the restaurant provides me with a comfortable life and I still have some money put away from my inheritance, the mortgage would still be too much for me."

"Why don't you guys come to the farm for Edward's next off days? You'll love it there. Carlisle and Esme can come as well and you can meet the parents so to speak."

I blush and look awkwardly at Edward.

"Jasper, stop it, you're making her uncomfortable," Alice chastises him.

He looks back to me and blushes profusely as well which makes me smile.

"Oh shit, sorry Bella, I didn't mean it that way. I just meant that they will obviously want to see Edward as well so we can make a weekend out of it. Look, it's an open invitation, let us know. You can ride to your hearts content. Besides our stud stallions and mares we have a few working horses as well. If you're as good as you say you are I can't wait to get you onto Zorro. He's a Friesian Stallion and not many can handle him. He's so full of himself I swear he needs the whole stable to himself to house his ego. We have an awesome cross country trail that takes about two hours to complete. Hey, maybe we can make a contest out of it. You, me and Carlisle seeing as we're the only ones that ride."

Alice gets up sighing.

"Now you've done it Bella," she jokes. "He'll never stop now."

She smiles at him indulgently and he winks her way.

My stomach drops to my feet when I hear the key pad at the front door being activated. I jump off the couch just in time to see Emmett and Rose walk in the front door. She throws an apologetic look over his shoulder from the back. Shit, I'm in for it now.

Jasper and Edward get up as well; walking with me to greet who they will soon find out is my brother.

"Edward?" Emmett says surprised as he looks past me.

I look from Emmett back to Edward who has a huge smile on his face.

"Wait," I say confused. "You guys know each other?"


	10. Chapter 10

**Hi All...having a lovely holiday...sorry for the wait.**

**I'm not able to read all the reviews at the moment but you guys know me, I'll respond as soon as I can.**

**Enjoy...**

"Emmett, man, this is a nice surprise," Edward says as he walks over to Emmett. "I don't know how I didn't make the connection sooner."

They do that manly one arm hug thing and Rose and I look at each other like we've landed in an episode of the Twilight Zone.

"Okay, can someone tell me what's going on here?" I ask confused.

"Edward and I were at the University of Cape Town together. Our rooms were next to each other in the dorms. We were neighbors for two years until I left."

I glance over at Rose who has visibly relaxed. She's all smiles as introductions are made all around.

"So Bella, what's for supper," Emmett asks as he searches the fridge for a Corona.

"I don't remember inviting you," I say sarcastically, winking Rose's way.

"But you're going to. I know you. There's no Corona in this fridge."

I sigh dramatically.

"You know me too well. We're going to braai on the indoor braai. Can't do it outside with the weather like this. Corona is in the fridge in the bar."

I look at my watch. "Which reminds me, maybe you guys should get the fire going so long while we take care of the salads?"

As soon as we're alone all three of us start giggling.

"Wow," Alice says. "Your brother looked like he was about to kill someone when he walked through the front door."

"Oh he was," Rose says, still giggling. "He saw your car up front when he drove past and came home asking if I knew who was visiting. I'm sorry Bella; you know I can't lie to him. Even if I try he sees right through me."

"Don't worry about it Rose. I know I asked you to give me time but I wouldn't have wanted you to lie to his face if he asked."

"Protective much?" Alice asked as we started preparing the salads.

"You have no idea," I said. "But I know he only means well. Especially after Jake."

As soon as the words leave my mouth I regret them. Now I'll have to explain.

"Who is Jake?" Alice asks.

Rose and I share a look and she nods. I think she knows I need to talk about it.

While making the salads I recount our history and what just happened to Alice. Rose also tells Alice that Emmett had his reservations about Jake from the start.

"What an asshole," Alice says angrily. "But you know what; his loss is our gain so screw him."

"That's sweet Alice, thank you. And I know you mean it. Now you know what I meant when I said your brother deserves so much more."

"Oh Bella, stop talking yourself down," Rose says sadly.

"She's right Bella. You have so much to give. You're healing right now and that's fine but I think all Edward wants to do is be there for you and help you through it. I know my brother; he doesn't mess around with people's feelings. He really is an honest and good guy. But I've also noticed that he's glanced this way a hundred times already from the other room and his eyes only look for you. Don't shut him out. Don't shut us out, please."

"I won't Alice. I don't think you'd let me even if I tried."

"You learn fast Bella," she laughs and it sounds like fairies tinkling in the air.

I see Emmett come our way and I give both Rose and Alice dirty looks as they grab their glasses and walk past him to join Edward and Jasper. Traitors. I look back at Emmett. At least he doesn't have that angry scowl on his face and I relax a bit.

"So sister of mine, Edward told me how you met."

I don't know what he wants me to say so I keep quiet.

"Why did you lie to me?"

"I'm sorry Emmett. I really am. You know I never lie to you. It's just that I know you are worried about this situation with Jake and I didn't want you to worry any more until I knew for myself whether I would see Edward again or not."

"Well, seems like you made up your mind."

"Yes, I can't explain it but he makes me not hurt so much. Being around him is good for me right now."

He takes a long sip of Corona.

"I'm fine with that Bella. Please, I don't want you to think you can't talk to me about things like this. Yes, I know sometimes I get a little overprotective but can you blame me? I'm your big brother."

I grab hold of him and hug him long and hard.

"I love you so much Emmett. Thank you for understanding."

"Listen, Edward's a great guy. In all the time we were at university I never saw him once take advantage of a girl. He wasn't the kind of guy to sleep around or use women. I always respected that about him. If he makes you feel better, then I'm fine with that. Just don't use him as a rebound Bella. He doesn't deserve it."

"I would never do that Emmett," I say, slightly taken aback that he would even say something like that to me. "You know me."

"I don't mean anything bad by it Bella. I'm just saying, sometimes when you're hurt the way you are you don't think straight and you could confuse certain feelings for something they're not, that's all. Just be careful."

"I will."

"Now, Edward also tells me that Jake made an appearance here yesterday."

"Yes."

"You want me to take care of him?"

I laugh. "Although that's an appealing thought, I think I need to handle this myself Grizzly."

"I'm trusting your judgment here Bella but that doesn't mean I like it. If he keeps on bothering you I can't promise that I won't intervene."

"Okay, agreed. But please just give it some time. I don't know what his story is. Do you think he's realized he's made a mistake?"

"Is that what you want?"

"I don't know."

"He's never been good enough for you Bella. He's always treated you with respect and I think he really did love you, but I always felt that he wasn't as committed to your relationship as you were. It's your life and I can't tell you what to do but I won't be able to sit around a table again with him, just so you know."

I know he'll never forgive Jake. The question is; if Jake wanted me back, would I be able to?

"You guys okay in here?" I hear Edward's concerned voice and I look past Emmett as he nears the kitchen.

"Yeah, all fine," Emmett says as he pulls me roughly in for a bear hug. "Just catching up with this one a bit."

"Emmett," I wheeze. "Need to breathe."

"Okay," he laughs as he lets me go. "Let me get back to Rose. By the way, we've been invited to Jasper's when Edward is off again. You going?"

I look to Edward as if I need him to answer for me. And he does.

"We'll be there Emmett. Apparently this one, Jasper and my dad are having a cross country competition."

Emmett laughs his booming laugh. "Well, good luck to Jasper and your father. No disrespect, but this one is an ace at cross country."

"Well then," Edward says as he looks over to me, his smile touching his eyes and making my knees go a little bit weak. "It should be an interesting day then. I can't wait for someone to kick Jasper's ass and bring him down to earth a bit."

"I'll try my best," I say dryly as they laugh and we go to join the rest.

Edward holds me back and I wait until Emmett is in the other room before I turn to face him. That tension is there again. That feeling that spreads through my body every time he touches me. From the look on his face I can see he feels it too.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asks, his hand still on my arm.

The first thing that I say is the first thought that jumps into my head.

"I want to kiss you really badly right now."

"Then do it," he whispers. "Do it because you want to."

I don't wait for a second invitation as I pull his head down towards me as I stand on my toes. I don't bother starting off slowly and he doesn't seem to mind as our tongues meet halfway and his arms wrap around my waist, pulling me up against his chest. My hands hold onto his arms as our kiss deepens and by the time we break it off we're both breathless.

We stand like that for a while, our foreheads touching, our eyes never straying from each other's.

"I guess we should get back before they come looking for us," I say eventually.

"I guess you're right. Alice doesn't have patience at all. She'll be coming in here any second."

We reluctantly let go but as we walk he holds on to my hand. Even though I know it shouldn't it warms my frozen heart.


	11. Chapter 11

**Okay, I really really hope you guys enjoy this chapter. I'm having an awesome holiday, just a pity I don't have enough access to internet to be able to post more.**

**Song – Coldplay – Fix You **

**I hope you guys enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it!**

The rest of the evening sees two families merge together seamlessly.

Questions are asked and stories are told. By the time Emmett and Rose leave Alice is totally wasted. Emmett's not too far behind.

Edward rolls his eyes and I giggle as I watch Jasper lovingly and patiently help her upstairs as she shouts countless "good nights" and "I love yous".

The weather has cleared and I've opened up the sliding doors leading outside again.

"You ready for bed?" Edward asks.

With the silence that fills the house after all the laughter I suddenly feel sad, lonely, melancholy.

I shake my head.

"No, you go on. I'll be up in a minute."

"I can stay with you."

"Thanks, but I'm fine."

"Okay," he concedes. "See you tomorrow."

"Good night Edward."

I refill my wine glass when he disappears up the stairs and I shift the speakers at the sliding door to point outside so I don't disturb my guests upstairs.

I sit down to the end of a song just before the next one begins.

And then I remember what CD is in the player and wish I had changed it. Coldplay's haunting lyrics fill the night air, reaching for the stars as I gaze up at them.

_When you try your best but you don't succeed_

_When you get what you want, but not what you need_

_When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep_

_Stuck in reverse_

_And the tears come streaming down your face_

_When you lose something you can't replace_

_When you love someone, but it goes to waste_

_Could it be worse_

That ache spreads through my chest and freezes out what little warmth Edward had given my heart.

I sit up straight because I'm battling to breathe. Oh Jake, why wasn't I enough?

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you_

_And high up above or down below_

_When you're too in love to let it go_

_But if you never try you'll never know _

_Just what you're worth_

"Bella," I hear Edward's voice from behind. I look around to see his face filled with the sadness that I feel inside.

_Lights will guide you home _

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you_

Everything is a blur as the tears fill my eyes. I can hardly see him though the haze of pain but I feel him pull me up against him and I bury my face in his chest, his arms crushing me to him.

_Tears stream down your face_

_When you lose something you cannot replace_

_Tears stream down your face_

_And I …_

_Tears stream down your face_

_I promise you I will learn from my mistakes_

_Tears stream down your face _

_And I …_

He pulls away slightly, cupping my face in his hands, his thumbs wiping my tears away. His voice joins Chris Martin's softly and I'm mesmerized by his lips, his eyes, his everything.

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you_

"Why won't it go away?" I beg him for an answer.

"Because you love him. Because you need to make peace with what happened before you can move on," he whispers, my face still in his hands.

"I don't want to love him. I don't want to lie in bed every night wondering why I'm not good enough. I can't take it anymore Edward."

"I wish I could take away your pain Bella, but all I can do is help you through it, if you'll let me."

I take a deep shaky breath as I keep staring into his breathtaking eyes.

"Make love to me Edward."

He starts shaking his head and opens his mouth to speak but I put my finger to his lips.

"Not because of Jake. Because of me. Because I need to feel like I'm worth it. Because I need to believe that someone wants me, that I'm good enough. Because even the simplest of touch from you makes me feel things deep inside that I've never felt before."

He lets his head hang back then, a frustrated moan escaping his lips. When he looks at me again his face has changed. His jaw is set and his eyes are no longer sad. They're filled with fiery emerald lust that makes me squeeze my thighs together. He wants me. He wants me as much as I want him right now, I can see it.

He let's go of my face and takes my hand, leading the way and putting the lights off as we go.

We enter the room and I stop in front of the bed, my back still to him. I hear him quietly shut the door. My breathing is heavy and even though I'm as nervous as hell, I can feel my body readying itself for what's coming.

I feel him behind me as he stands with his front to my back, his hands on my hips. He lowers his head and slowly kisses from my shoulder to just below my ear. When he takes it between his teeth and softly bites I can't help but moan loudly into the dark room, the only light to guide us the pale moonlight.

"Turn around," he orders huskily. I obey immediately.

His fingers find the bottom of my top and in one fluid move it's over my head. Even in the dark I can see his eyes go black as they fall on my breasts. I move my arms to cover myself but he pulls them back.

"Don't do that Bella. You're perfect," he breathes. "Are you okay?"

"I'm just nervous, I think. I've never been with anyone else except…"

"Just relax Bella. Let me take care of you."

I swallow and nod.

He pulls his shirt over his head and I get lost in the magnificence of his chest, his arms, his rock hard stomach. I reach out slowly and run my shaky fingers of both hands down the sides of his face, his neck, down his chest, carving a path to the waist of his shorts.

"You have no idea how good that feels," he breathes just before he wraps his hands around my ass and lifts me off the ground. He carries me around the bed to my side and slowly lets me down, covering me with his hotness.

His kisses leave a hot trail down my neck and when he takes my nipple into his mouth I cry out, arching towards him, needing him to not stop. His other hand moves between us, pushing my shorts down my hips which I lift to help him.

Our kisses are wild and frenzied and when I push his shorts down his legs and take him in my hand I gasp into his mouth. The silky hard hotness that is Edward is a lot bigger than I'm used to.

"Fuck, Bella, I want this to last forever but I need you so much right now," he whispers.

"I know. I feel the same. I need you inside of me Edward," I moan as my hands move over his body, touching him everywhere I can reach.

"Top drawer," I mumble as I suck lightly on his chest, licking and tasting as much as I can.

He leans over and pulls a condom out. Sitting back on his heels I raise myself on my elbows, watching in awe as he puts it on.

He leans over me, hovers, his sweet breath on my face.

"Bella, you need to tell me if you're really ready for this. I need to hear you say it."

"I'm ready Edward. I need you so much. Please…" I'm begging and it should sound pathetic but it sounds erotic instead.

His hand moves between my legs and I tense up as his fingers glide over me, dipping and feeling inside of me.

"Bella, God, you're so ready for me."

He lowers himself and I can feel him at my entrance. He slowly starts pushing into me, stretching me, filling me in a way that Jake never did.

I close my eyes as he sinks into me all the way, reaching untouched places.

"Eyes open Bella," he whispers as he starts moving slowly. "Look at me."

I open them and my heart constricts at how beautiful Edward is. It's too much yet not enough. I'm on fire yet my heart is frozen.

He hitches my leg over his hip, sinking deeper, making me cry out.

"You're so beautiful Bella," he says as he stares down at me, his movements picking up speed.

The friction inside is creating a slow burn that creeps through my body. We're both sweaty, our skin gliding against each other's' in the most delicious way.

His hand moves down between us and I gasp as his fingers expertly circle my clit, making my hips rise to meet him thrust for thrust, trying to get closer still.

"Edward…it's too much," I mumble as everything inside me pulls tight, a string waiting to snap.

"Come with me Bella," he breathes before his mouth meets mine.

He lightly bites my lower lip as his fingers push down slightly harder and he fills me to breaking point.

My orgasm derails my senses completely, the pleasure pulsating and spreading through my body. I bite my lip to stifle the scream that wants to come out, moaning into his shoulder as I feel him grow bigger still inside of me, my insides clenching him as he comes.

He rolls, pulling me above him and I lay my head on his chest, both of us trying to catch our breath, our hearts beating wildly.

After a few minutes he pushes me up slightly, his hands cupping my face.

"Sorry that didn't last very long," he says. "It's been a while and you're so damn hot."

I giggle.

"It was perfect Edward. You…you made me feel really wanted," I say honestly.

"You are wanted Bella. I've wanted you since the first time I saw you. You have no idea what you do to me. You turn me inside out."

I slide off and lay down beside him.

"Yeah? That's good, because you kinda turn me inside out too."


	12. Chapter 12

**I love you guys so much! I've read every review and PM, I promise I'll start responding on 7th January...**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter...loved writing it!**

I'm still awake long after Edward has fallen asleep.

Standing on my balcony with a sheet wrapped around my body I lean against the railing as I stare out at the ocean, the moon creating what seems like tiny stars in its path that dances across the darkness of the water.

What have I done?

I promised Edward to wait until I'm ready. And although my body is more than eager to be devoured by Edward on a regular basis, my heart is nowhere near being rid of Jake. Yet, I never felt with Jake how I felt with Edward. Besides the mind blowing orgasm, he looked at me like I was the only person on earth, like he wouldn't want to be anywhere else than with me. I can't remember Jake ever looking at me like that.

I also remember my promise to Emmett. Not to mess around with Edward. Is that what I'm doing? Using Edward as a rebound guy? No, I can't believe that of myself, I would never do something like that. Yet, what did Emmett say? About confusing one's feelings for something it's not?

I startle as warm arms wrap around me from behind.

"Can't sleep?"

"No."

He signs as his cheek leans on my head and I mold my back into his body.

"Are you having second thoughts about what happened?" he asks. I can hear the tension in his voice.

I turn around in his arms and wrap my arms around his neck, my fingers playing with his hair.

"I'm not regretting one single moment with you Edward. How you made me feel, I've never felt like that before. But I'm worried. About what's going on in my heart, my head. I promised you I'd wait until I was ready, until I knew for sure. I feel like I've broken that promise. I'm so confused Edward."

"Bella, I expected that. This is not an ideal situation for you. I just want you to let me in, to be what you need me to be. To be honest. I can handle honesty Bella. What I won't be able to handle is thinking at any moment there's more going on here than I think because you're leading me to believe so."

"But that is exactly what's confusing me. I don't want to lead you on but at the same time I want to be with you. I know I shouldn't be standing here semi naked with my arms around you but I don't want to be anywhere else. And I know I still have these feelings for Jake swirling around inside but you make me feel closer to whole again Edward. It's like you're picking the pieces of me off the floor one for one and putting me back together. How do I reconcile all of that? How do I know when I'm giving too much?"

"Just do what feels right Bella. Say what feels right. If something is conflicting you, talk to me about it and let's figure it out together. And don't be afraid to talk to me about your feelings for Jake. I've walked into this with my eyes wide open, I want to know you, what makes you laugh, what makes you sad…I want to share in it all."

And just like that all the confusion melts and I pull his head down, kissing him softly, letting my tongue taste his lips. How can I argue with him when he makes it all seem so simple? Maybe it is that simple…maybe I'm making it more complicated than it needs to be.

"Feel better Baby?" he asks.

I freeze. Did he just call me baby? He sees it, but he doesn't apologize.

"Too much?" he asks with a lopsided grin, the one I've come to like so much.

It takes all of a split second for the sound of that word coming out of his mouth to claw through the pieces of my broken heart and lodge itself deep within.

"No, it's not too much," I whisper. "It's perfect."

He pulls me to bed and when I want to unravel the sheet from my body he stops me.

"Bella," he chuckles. "If you drop that sheet I can't guarantee that you're going to get any sleep."

The edge to his voice sets the embers in my stomach alight again and just like that I'm so turned on I can hardly breathe. I want him so much right now, to feel what he makes me feel, to give him everything his heart desires. But right now, after the talk we just had, I don't think it's fair.

"I'll change then," I say as I walk over to the chair in the corner of the room. I grab his shirt, pull it over my head and pull the sheet out from under it.

"Fuck," he whispers as I turn around. "How the hell am I supposed to keep my hands off you when you look so good in that?"

"Do you want to sleep in your room?" I ask, unsure of what to do.

"Do you want me to?"

"No," I answer immediately and his smile is back.

"Then let's get to bed. I have a feeling the morning is going to be busy knowing Alice. She doesn't know any other way."

I laugh. "So I've noticed. She's really great you know."

"Yes, she is," he says as we get into bed and lie down facing each other, his hand on my hip. "I love her so much. I can't imagine not having her as my sister. She likes you too, which is kind of creepy considering she's never liked any of my girlfriends."

"Creepy?" I laugh.

"Well, no, not creepy, wrong word. It's actually quite nice. I love that she gets along with you so well. Relieves some of the strain I usually feel."

"I like her too. And Jasper. I'm happy they came."

"I'm happy you offered."

"I'm happy you're here," I counter.

"I'm happy you're here in bed with me," he says, his eyes on fire again. "Here where I can keep you safe."

"I want to kiss you," I say as I move closer.

"I want you to kiss me," he says, his arm folding around my waist and pulling me flush to his chest.

Our lips are inches away from each other.

"Taste me," he whispers and I have to fight myself not to attack him and take him right then and there.

I slowly lick along his lower lip and when he moans I feel the moistness growing between my legs.

"Open," I urge softly and when he does I dip my tongue into his mouth, our eyes still locked. I glide over his tongue, tasting, exploring.

And then I can't take it anymore. I close my mouth over his and he grips me to him, his thigh sliding between my legs. I move against him, desperate for the friction I need to come.

His hand moves down my back, gripping my ass and increasing the pressure of me against his leg.

He doesn't stop kissing me, doesn't stop the pressure and before I know it I'm so close I can almost taste it. I start slowing down but he doesn't let me.

"Don't stop Bella," he urges. "Come for me," he says before kissing me again.

"I can't," I whisper suddenly embarrassed even though I can't stop. "I've never done this before."

"Then we'll share your first," he says as his hand squeezes my ass, his finger slightly dipping between my cheeks.

And then I'm falling, pushing hard against his leg and staring straight into his eyes as electricity flows through my body. I shudder and shake and I unravel against this creature that has me caught in his snare as he moans and shudders against me too.


	13. Chapter 13

**So I'm officially back in the land of the living…I'm a workaholic so going on holiday for more than week kind of gets to me.**

**Nathalia – your reviews grip my heart, you make me want to write faster.**

**Leibeezer – you've been with me since the beginning and for that I can't thank you enough.**

**There's too many people to mention here, I love each and every review/pm I get, be it just to tell me how awesome my story is or constructive criticism, I appreciate them all.**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter…it's kind of the calm before the storm…**

Edward is still sleeping when I get up. I pull a short on, still wearing his shirt. I look at him with a goofy smile on my face for a few seconds before I head downstairs.

A splashing noise from outside draws my attention to the pool and I see Jasper's near perfect form cutting through the water as he does laps. As he turns he sees me and stops.

"I hope I didn't wake you," he apologizes.

"No, not at all. Please, keep going. How's Alice this morning?"

"She's awake but I think she might have a killer hangover because it's very unlike her to not be the first one up and about."

"I'll go check on her," I say and as I turn I hear him resume his swimming.

I mix up a quick Bloody Mary for her and go back upstairs. I knock softly on her door.

"Go away," I hear her grumbling. I giggle as I open the door.

Her eyes go from my face to the drink in my hand and the sparkle somewhat returns to her tired smile.

"You're a lifesaver," she groans as I hand her the drink. She pulls her face as the liquid runs down her throat.

"So disgusting," she comments. "But I suppose it is penance for my over indulgence last night. Come sit," she says as she pats the bed next to her.

I fall down on the bed next to her as she eyes me. I know she's going to figure it out sooner rather than later. Just as the thought crosses my mind I see it dawn on her.

"Oh my God," she squeals. "You slept with Edward last night."

"And what makes you say that?" I ask innocently.

"Come on Bella. You're wearing his shirt."

"Alice, I didn't sleep with your brother last night. Well, there wasn't much sleeping involved."

"You little vixen!" she laughs as she hugs me. "I'm so happy for you. And for Edward. Where is he by the way?"

"Still sleeping," I murmur as my mind flashes back to last night. His hands touching me, the feeling of him inside of me.

Alice's laugh cuts through my thoughts.

"You're totally still thinking about it," she giggles. "I can see it written all over your face. Why don't you go wake him up," she says as she nods knowingly. "I'm sure he'll appreciate the alarm call."

I shake my head and laugh as I get up.

"Alice, you're wicked."

"I know!" she calls after me as I close her bedroom door and head for my room.

I'm met with an empty bed and a running shower that makes my insides clench. I walk to the bathroom and stare at Edward's naked form under the running water for all of a second before I can't take it anymore. I pull his shirt over my head and just as I'm about to open the door he turns around.

His lust filled gaze makes me tremble.

He opens the door and pulls me gently inside and against him.

"I was hoping you'd join me," he whispers just before his mouth starts a slow assault on my neck. He pushes me against the cold tiles and I shiver as he moves from my neck to my breasts. His finger flicks over my nipple just as his mouth closes over my other and I moan as I close my eyes and give myself over to the sensation.

As Edward moves lower I tense up. He feels it. He looks up at me.

"Bella?"

"I…I'm not sure about this," I say hesitantly.

"Why?" he asks as he straightens up again.

"Well, I've never done it before. Jake…he wasn't interested in stuff like that."

"Oh Baby, you have no idea how good it feels sharing your firsts with you," he says as he kisses my cheek before moving down again. "Let me show you how good it can feel," he murmurs against my stomach.

I look down at Edward on his knees in front of me, worshipping me and I feel faint. His hands grip the insides of my thighs as he pushes them apart and there's no fight left in me.

"Fuck," I hiss as Edward's mouth closes over my clit, his tongue running soft circles around it as two of his fingers push into me slowly.

I lose track of exactly what he's doing to me because each lick, each touch, each gentle suction creates a myriad of sensations, each more intense than the one before.

"Look at me," he whispers as his fingers pump into me steadily.

My head drops forward, my hair a wet curtain hanging down to my breasts. I'm trying to keep my breathing in check but when I look into his eyes and his fingers pushes into me hard I whimper and all control is lost.

"You're so gorgeous Bella, you have no idea just how mysteriously beautiful you are."

His thumb finds my clit and pushes against it in the same rhythm his fingers are invading me, his gaze never leaving me.

"The way your body responds to me, how you come for me, it blows my mind. You've ruined me Bella; I'll never want anyone else after you."

With that he lowers his head again and sucks me deep into his mouth, his fingers curling slightly and I explode. I don't know anything…I don't know if the water is still running or if I'm still standing up straight…all I know is what Edward makes me feel, not just the pleasure but also in my heart. My orgasm chases my breath and catches the air I breathe.

He slowly crawls up my body and when he's standing in front of me licking his lips, the water cascading down our bodies my legs give way. He's just in time to grab my ass in those perfect hands of his and lift me up, my legs wrapping around his hips.

"Kiss me," he orders as I feel him at my entrance. "Taste yourself."

I don't wait for a second invitation. Our tongues collide in a musky fury as we kiss with all we have. The taste of me on his tongue is wildly erotic.

My hips are suddenly jerked down and he enters me in one swift movement, making me break the kiss and cry out loudly, my voice echoing in the bathroom.

"You're so tight Bella. I could stay wrapped up in you forever," he says as he drives into me, my back against the tiles, my arms and legs wrapped around him like sins.

"I'm lost in you already," he confesses, his voice a pained kind of pleasured torture and my heart breaks a little again.

"We're going too far Edward," I moan, yet I can't let go. "I'm going to hurt you."

He looks at me with such trust and sanctity that I want to retract my statement but I don't, because I know it's true. I'm the bad guy here, just like Jake was to me.

"You won't hurt me Bella," he says out of breath as he fastens his pace. "I told you, this is fate."

His mouth seals mine when I'm about to argue and he groans into my mouth as he pulls out of me and comes over my stomach. It's so unlike anything I've ever done before and I love it.

He gently puts me down but his arm stays around me, keeping me up.

I don't know why but tears suddenly fill my eyes and I drop my forehead to his chest.

"I don't want to hurt you. I wouldn't be able to live with myself," I whisper, my bottom lip trembling as the water runs down my face.

His finger lifts my chin and I gaze into his emerald eyes as he kisses me softly on first my one cheek and then the other.

"That's exactly why you won't hurt me Bella," he says simply. "Because you don't want to."

He pulls me to him and we stand like that for a long time, our hearts beating wildly.

Once again Edward makes it sound so simple…I'm starting to believe that maybe it can be.


	14. Chapter 14

**A certain someone said she wants to have a shower with my Edward...You'll have to stand in line behind me...haha.**

**Okay, let's see where this chapter takes us...**

The rest of the day feels like walking on clouds. Everything just seems so perfect.

I love spending time with Jasper and Alice, they really are amazing people and I find myself falling in love with them every minute that slips by.

Edward and I fall into a comfortable rhythm; we hardly leave each other's side for more than five minutes at a time. At first I think I'm being silly feeling this pull to be near him. But then he whispers he feels it too without me saying anything and I know I'm not imaging it.

My phone rings a little after five the afternoon and I run inside still wet from the pool.

"Bella," Rose greets. "Emmett wants to go down to the Boat Club tonight, they have Karaoke."

I laugh and she joins in.

"Yes, I know your brother can't sing for shit but he thought your guests might enjoy it."

"I'm sure they will. We'll be there. Let's say around eight?"

"Perfect. See you then."

I stand and gaze out to the pool for a few minutes watching the heartwarming scene in front of me. Edward and Jasper are wrestling in the pool all golden glistening muscles while Alice laughs from the side line, another Margarita in hand. I giggle thinking it's her fourth one and she should probably stop.

"Anyone up for a night out?" I ask as I walk out.

"Always!" Alice shouts.

"Rose called. There's Karaoke at the Boat Club tonight. It's nothing fancy, just locals I suppose and maybe some out of towners."

"Oh! I love signing!" Alice shouts and the guys groan.

"Alice, just give some of the other people a chance this time please," Jasper begs.

We laugh at that and I'm bombarded with stories from both Edward and Jasper how she just can't get enough of singing. Seems she's pretty good at it too. I'm suddenly glad I was in the choir for all of my school years and had private lessons for four of those years. At least I won't sound like a drowning cat.

After a quick chicken salad Edward and I throw together we head upstairs to get ready. I expect Edward to follow me into my room but he stops at his door and I turn around frowning.

"If I go in there with you now I don't know if we'll make it out again," he chuckles.

I nod, knowing exactly what he means because after watching him in board shorts without a shirt all day has had my stomach in delicious swirls.

"Okay," I say softly. "Come get me when you're done."

I shower quickly and go through my after shower beauty routine. I decide on a midnight blue lace boy shorts and bra set.

It takes me a few minutes to decide on a casual black and white horizontal striped tight fitting dress which I pair with my new red Converse I bought a few weeks ago. I look like a sailor, I think as I stare at myself in the mirror.

"A sexy sailor," I murmur to myself smiling.

"Very," I hear Edward's voice behind me.

I know I'm blushing when I turn around and I can't look him in the eye.

"You weren't supposed to hear me trying to give myself a pep talk," I say shyly.

"I'm glad I did. Because now I can add to the sexy comment," he says as he nears me slowly. He's wearing black jeans and what seems to be biker boots with a slim fitting white t-shirt. He looks yummy…chocolate chip cookie yummy.

"Sensual comes to mind," he says as he slowly makes his way around me. I can feel his eyes over every inch of my body. "Striking and salacious are others."

He's standing in front of me now and I look up at him.

"Can I ask you a favor?" he whispers.

"Anything," I answer breathlessly because, honestly, I'd do anything he asks of me right now.

His thumb moves up to my mouth and wipes at my lips softly.

"Take this off," he says , still wiping at my lips. "You are so beautiful you don't need it."

"God Edward," I say. "You take my breath away. With every word, every gesture…you have no idea."

His eyes sparkle at my admission and I know I'm blushing again.

"I love it when you tell me how you feel. I need it Bella, just like I need you," he says as he pulls me into his arms and the kiss he bestows on me is a gentle rush of emotion.

"I'll meet you downstairs," I say as he pulls away.

I quickly get rid of the reddish stain I had on my lips and replace it with a nude gloss. He's right, I think as I give myself a quick last glance. It does look better.

"Holy cow!" Alice crows as I come downstairs. "You guys are dressing in matching colors! It's so cute!"

"It wasn't intentional Alice," I laugh as she links her arm in mine.

"Are we all driving in one car?" I ask.

"I think let's drive both cars, that way if anyone wants to come home first, there's two vehicles," Jasper says.

"Good idea," I say as I grab my keys and toss them at Edward. He smirks at me and pulls me away from Alice, linking our fingers as we walk to the cars.

It's quite busy when we get there and I'm glad to see Rose and Emmett has secured us a table. As always with Karaoke night the bar and the pool tables are lit but the side of the area where Karaoke is done is darkened and the tables are set in a circle around the dance floor. It's quaint but fits our town.

"Glad you guys could make it," Emmett says as he hugs me and greets everyone. Rose is next. Rose and myself go to the bar to order our drinks and we chat to a few people we know.

"Bella."

Her voice slices through my heart, clean cut and clinical; no mess, no fuss. I turn slowly and take a sharp breath when I see her. She looks like she hasn't slept for days, tired black stains under her once sparkling brown eyes.

"Leah," I say softly, trying to keep my voice under control.

"Can I speak with you for a minute?" she asks carefully.

"I thought I told you to keep away from her," Rose says protectively as she turns back to us.

"It's fine Rose, I'll talk to her," I say.

"Bella…" Rose looks at me with concern.

"I'm fine," I say. "I'll be right there."

Rose hesitates but relents and I see her walking back to the table. I don't look their way again but rather focus on Leah.

"What's this about Leah? If you're worried about your job, relax. I won't let you go; I would never do that to your mother."

"It's not that, but thank you for saying it. Bella, Jacob left me yesterday. He said he made a mistake, that you would always be the one for him. I just thought you should know. I'm sorry I hurt you. I felt a real connection with Jake but obviously he was just using me for a good time. I know it doesn't mean much at all to you, but I just wanted to say it. To say that I'm sorry I fell in love with the wrong man."

Her eyes are filled with tears and I want to be angry at her so much right now but I can't. Seems Jake broke his promises to her as well.

"Leah, look, I don't know what to say. If you want to know if I hate you then the answer is no. I hate what Jake did to me and now I hate what he did to you. But that doesn't make us friends."

"It's more than I could have expected Bella. Thank you," she says softly and as she turns to leave the first tears run down her cheeks.

I plaster a smile on my face with difficulty and make my way back to the table.

"Where's my drink?" I say as I sit down next to Edward. I spot it and grab it, taking two big gulps of vodka that burns down my tight throat.

Everyone is looking at me expectantly, especially Emmett but I don't volunteer any information.

I came here to have a good evening and I'm damn well going to do just that.


	15. Chapter 15

**Nathalia thinks she'll beat me to the shower...I'll give her a head start.**

**Everyone basically feels the same about Jake...glad we're all on the same page.**

**Once again thanks to all the amazing reviews I get...I love them all.**

**Let's see how the rest of the night goes...the next few chapters are going to be a bit rocky...**

"So, Alice, what are you singing?" I ask to evade the stares all around.

She brightens up immediately and I smile a genuine smile this time.

"I was thinking maybe Lady Gaga, Bad Romance?"

"Perfect!" I say.

"Let's go fill in our cards," she says as she gets up.

"Hey!" Emmett booms. "What about us?"

"You can go when we get back Grizzly," I say and I ruffle his hair as I walk past him.

Alice chooses Bad Romance and I make my choice.

Back at the table I'm surprised to see all three men standing up and going over to the cards table. Rose is the only one that never sings although she has the voice of an angel.

Alice is really really good and Jasper has me on the dance floor as she belts out the lyrics to Bad Romance. Emmett, Rose and Edward are laughing at the table as Jasper and I take out all the moves and throw them on the floor. He's a really good dancer.

I'm tired when we get back to the table and Edward kisses me softly as his hand grips my thigh.

"This dress is going to give me a heart attack," he whispers close to my ear.

"Good," I whisper back. "That's the effect I was going for. If you're really good I'll show you what's underneath when we get home."

My name gets called after a few other people sing.

I'm nervous as hell. I don't know why. I love Karaoke. Maybe I'm worried Edward won't like it. Maybe it won't be enough. I realize that what Jake did to me has changed me in subtle ways.

Maybe I should have chosen something a little more low key but as I'm standing on stage and the music starts, the beat runs through my feet and send bolts of electricity through my body. I love this song.

Rose is already on her feet whistling like a man before I even start singing. She knows I'm good at this.

_I'll be your light, your match, your burning sun,__  
><em>_I'll be the bright and black that's making you run.__  
><em>_And I feel alright, and we'll feel alright,__  
><em>_'Cause we'll work it out, yeah we'll work it out.__  
><em>_I'll be doin' this, if you ever doubt,__  
><em>_'til the love runs out, 'til the love runs out.__  
><em>

_I'll be your ghost, your game, your stadium.__  
><em>_I'll be your fifty thousand clapping like one.__  
><em>_And I feel alright, and I feel alright,__  
><em>_'Cause I worked it out, yeah I worked it out.__  
><em>_I'll be doin' this, if you ever doubt,__  
><em>_'til the love runs out, 'til the love runs out._

_I got my mind made up and I can't let go.__  
><em>_I'm killing every second 'til it saves my soul.__  
><em>_I'll be running, I'll be running,__  
><em>_'til the love runs out, 'til the love runs out.__  
><em>_And we'll start a fire, and we'll shut it down,__  
><em>_'til the love runs out, 'til the love runs out._

I notice a few locals I know dancing in front of the stage and Emmett is making a complete fool of himself at the back jumping up and down like a groupie. I don't pay too much attention to it because Edward is on the dance floor right next to him and man, can he move. He watches me all the time and once I lock eyes with him it's difficult to look away but I'm a crowd pleaser so I force myself to focus on the song.

_There's a maniac out in front of me.__  
><em>_Got an angel on my shoulder, and Mephistopheles.__  
><em>_My momma raised me good, momma raised me right.__  
><em>_Momma said "do what you want, say prayers at night",__  
><em>_And I'm saying them, cause I'm so devout.__  
><em>_'Til the love runs out, 'til the love runs out, yeah._

_I got my mind made up and I can't let go.__  
><em>_I'm killing every second 'til it saves my soul.__  
><em>_I'll be running, I'll be running,__  
><em>_'til the love runs out, 'til the love runs out.__  
><em>_And we'll start a fire, and we'll shut it down,__  
><em>_'til the love runs out, 'til the love runs out._

_Ooh, we all want the same thing.__  
><em>_Ooh, we all run for something.__  
><em>_Oh for God, for fate,__  
><em>_For love, for hate,__  
><em>_For gold, and rust,__  
><em>_For diamonds, and dust._

_I'll be our light, your match, your burning sun,__  
><em>_I'll be the bright and black that's making you run.__  
><em>_I got my mind made up and I can't let go.__  
><em>_I'm killing every second 'til it saves my soul.__  
><em>_I'll be running, I'll be running,__  
><em>_'til the love runs out, 'til the love runs out.__  
><em>_And we'll start a fire, and we'll shut it down,__  
><em>_'til the love runs out, 'til the love runs out._

Edward and Emmett are much closer to the stage now and I walk down the stairs towards them.

Emmett laughs as I grab Edward's ass and pull him flush to me as I close off the song, his sweet vodka breath on my face.

_I'll be your light, your match, your burning sun,__  
><em>_I'll be the bright and black that's making you run.__  
><em>_And I feel alright, and we'll feel alright,__  
><em>_'Cause we'll work it out, yeah we'll work it out.__  
><em>_And we'll start a fire, and we'll shut it down,__  
><em>_'til the love runs out, 'til the love runs out.__  
><em>_'Til the love runs out._

As I sing the last note he pulls me even closer and his mouth meets mine in a sensual mix of sweat and tongues.

"Okay Bella!" the DJ shouts over the mic and everyone laughs. I pull away and give him the finger, handing the mic back.

"Thanks a lot Jared," I laugh.

"Always a pleasure Bella," he jokes back.

It's quite a while later that Emmett brings tears to our ears with his rendition of Aerosmith's Janie's Got a Gun. We are howling with laughter but as always, Emmett doesn't care a rat's ass. He enjoys himself and I love him for it.

We're caught up in our own bubble of enjoyment when a voice breaks through my haze of happiness.

_Say something, I'm giving up on you  
>I'll be the one, if you want me to<br>Anywhere I would've followed you  
>Say something, I'm giving up on you<em>

Jake.

Emmett looks murderous and Rose has that look of pity on her face I hate so much. I look up and he's looking right at me with those deep brown eyes I used to love so much.

_And I am feeling so small_  
><em>It was over my head<em>  
><em>I know nothing at all<em>

_And I will stumble and fall_  
><em>I'm still learning to love<em>  
><em>Just starting to crawl<em>

"Bella?" Edward's concerned voice whispers at my ear.

I look at him for a few seconds before looking back at Jake. I don't say anything. I can't. Not right now.

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_  
><em>I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you<em>  
><em>Anywhere I would've followed you<em>  
><em>Say something, I'm giving up on you<em>

The rest of the song he sing louder, like it means something to him, like he really misses me. Does he? Do I still miss him? Did he really just make a mistake?

_And I will swallow my pride  
>You're the one that I love<br>And I'm saying goodbye_

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_  
><em>And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you<em>  
><em>And anywhere I would've followed you (Oh-oh-oh-oh)<em>  
><em>Say something, I'm giving up on you<em>

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_  
><em>Say something...<em>

As he finishes the song I get up from the table.

"Bella…" Edward pleads as he grabs my hand.

"Edward, please, just give me some room," I whisper as I look back at him, my eyes filled with tears.

He let's go slowly and as I run out I hear Rose and Alice's voices shout after me but I don't turn back. I need to get out of here.

As I unlock my car a warm familiar hand turns me around.

Jake.


	16. Chapter 16

**RL is freaking met out today and I haven't got much time so I'll just let you get to it…xoxo**

"Bella," he says my name like he loves the taste of it in his mouth and I close my eyes, trying to remember how good we were together but failing miserably.

"I fucked up," I hear him say. "Badly. I'm so sorry. I was stupid. You're all I need Bella, all I want. Please say you can forgive me, say you still love me."

I back up against my car shaking my head, tears streaming down my face.

"You hurt me Jake. So much. I can't forget that."

"I can make you forget Bella if you just give me a chance."

Before I can respond he steps forward and grabs my arms in his hands.

"Jake, what are you doing…let go…you're hurting…" But I can't finish my sentence as his mouth crushes down on mine.

I panic, I can't breathe. These are not the arms I want to be in; this is not the mouth I want on mine. I try as hard as I can to push him away but it's like fighting a brick wall. Jake is all hard muscle, always has been.

Just as I feel about to pass out Jacob is ripped from me and I cry loudly as the grip he had on my arms is gone, the pain pulsating to my shoulders like a dull ache.

I look up just in time to see Jasper and Edward pull Emmett away from Jake, barely hanging on to my Grizzly brother to keep him away. Alice and Rose are at my side in a flash.

"Emmett, you need to calm down!" Rose shouts at him. "You'll kill him if you touch him now."

"So fucking what!" he shouts. "I should kill him! Bastard!" He pulls against Jasper and Edward again but they hold him fast.

Jake lets out a sarcastic laugh and in an instant Edward let's go of Emmett and has Jacob pinned against my car where I had been standing.

"We don't know each other Jacob," Edward says, his voice lethal and his grip on Jacob unrelenting as he struggles to get free. "But I do know all about you. If you think for one second we're stopping Emmett out of pity for you then you are sorely mistaken. We just don't want to see our friend end up in jail because he killed a piece of shit like you."

Edward glances my way.

"And as far as Bella's concerned, if you ever touch her against her will again I will end you myself, you got that?"

Jake has no choice but to nod as Edward's arm shifts up, choking him.

"Good. Now stay away from her Jacob. I'm warning you. If she wants to see you, she'll call you."

Edward loosens his grip and walks over to me.

"Seemed she was pretty interested in that kiss I gave her," Jacob sneers.

Jasper has all hell to keep Emmett at bay and as Edward turns to go finish what he started I grip his arm. He looks at me and I shake my head slowly before walking over to Jake.

"You think I enjoyed that? Being forced to kiss you?" I ask confused.

Jacob's face softens and he looks like the Jake I used to know.

"Bella, please, just give me a chance. I love you so much."

"You don't love me Jake," I say sadly, tears again running paths down my cheeks. "Love doesn't hurt like this. Love doesn't leave a hole in your chest and no air to breathe. You took everything from me Jake. Everything. My self-worth, my heart, my soul…you took it all. What more do you want from me?"

"You," he whispers sadly. "I only want you Bella."

"You can't have me anymore Jake. You let me go. You made that choice. You need to face what you've done and move on."

"I can't…not without you," he pleads.

"Find a way Jake. I did."

"Yeah," he says sarcastically. "Quite fast as well."

I shake my head in disbelief.

"I can't believe you just said that to me, making me out to be the one that was wrong. I don't know you anymore Jake. Maybe I never did."

I turn to walk away but his hand grabs mine from behind, softly, gently, like he used to touch me.

"Please." He only says the one word.

I look up at Edward, blocking everyone else but him. I can still taste myself on his lips; still feel him moving against me, inside of me, over me. I know where I'm supposed to be right now and it isn't with Jake.

"Let me go Jake," I say and I think he knows I'm not just talking about his hand. "Please let me go."

I'm crying so much I can't see straight and just when I think he's not going to listen he lets me slip through his fingers for a second time, this time because I asked. I walk past everyone, not caring anymore what happens when I leave.

"No, give her some space. She'll go home when she's ready," I hear Rose and I assume she's saying it to Edward or Alice or both.

Emmett knows better than to try and reason with me now. Besides, Jasper has him in a death grip that is surprisingly strong. Emmett can get out of just about anything. I make a mental note to tease him about it in the near future.

I walk down the stairs from the Boat Club on the beach and take my converse off. I start running. Hard and fast. The almost two mile stretch of perfect white sand flies past me as I push myself to my limit. I want to be home. I want to be home where I'm safe and hidden from the hurt it causes me on the outside.

I put my shoes on again and take the rest of the mile or so at a brisk walk home. On any other night I'd stop to watch the ocean ebb and flow in the harbor, I'd stop at Dassie Rock and watch the rock rabbits feasting on the green grass growing between the boulders in the moonlight. But not tonight. Tonight everything means nothing and the nothing I feel inside means everything.

I punch in the entrance code and leave the door open because my guests don't have it. Nothing ever happens around here anyway.

I'm hot and bothered and pissed off and hurt and all I want to do is lose myself in some or other form of pain killer. But there are no pills to take this pain away.

I strip my dress and kick off my shoes and dive into my pool, the cool water taking away some of the dirtiness lingering on my lips after Jacob's kiss. And then I swim, I swim as fast as I ran, lap for lap until I'm out of breath and the tears on my face is mingling with the water in the pool. I think if I stay here long enough it will overflow.

I take one last dive from the deep end staying under until I reach the stairs and when I break the surface I'm met by the only figure I think I can stand right now.

Edward.


	17. Chapter 17

**RL still sucks.**

**I see every review and every pm…promise to start responding again next week, just didn't want to keep you hanging too long…**

"Are we alone?" I ask.

He nods somberly.

"Get in," I say quietly.

He strips quickly down to his Calvin Klein's and I just about faint at the sight as he makes his way lazily into the pool.

"I'm sorry I ran," I whisper when he's in front of me.

"It's okay Bella. Sometimes we need time to ourselves, there's nothing wrong with that."

"But Alice…"

"She understands. Trust me. She's just worried about you. I managed to get her and Jasper to stay with Emmett and Rose because Emmett didn't look anywhere near controlled and I was worried Jacob would come back and all hell would break loose."

I look away, suddenly embarrassed when I remember Jacob's lips on me.

"You saw him kiss me," I state. It's not a question.

"Yes," he answers and when I look at him he looks beaten and angry and sad all at once.

"I hate that he touched me," I whisper into the night air, turning to gaze at the ocean below.

"I hate that he kissed me. I feel so dirty." I start sobbing again. "I can't get the feel of his lips out of my mind. I thought I would have wanted him to kiss me, to tell me everything was okay, but…"

Edward pulls me closer and into his arms and I cry for what seems like an eternity. I'm vaguely aware of quiet voices inside the house at one stage but I don't pay attention and I assume Alice and Jasper went upstairs.

"I'm right here Bella," Edward whispers pained. "Tell me what you need."

I must be a slobbering mess as I look up at him but he only looks at me with the same gaze that he always does, that intense one that twists my insides, like I'm the most beautiful woman in the world.

"Kiss me," I plead. "Please, I need to feel you Tonight…the memory…take it away."

He groans as he lowers his head and even though I feel the urge behind it, his kiss is tender and soft, his lips whispering against mine like a prayer.

"I won't let him touch you again Bella. I can't. It killed me to see his lips on yours."

He softly glides his fingers over my lips as he speaks.

"It took all I had not to kill him tonight."

"Edward, what you did tonight…thank you. Besides my brother and Rose no one has ever stood up for me like that."

He smiles sadly.

"That's what you do when you love someone."

His words sink in slowly, hitching a ride with the blood in my veins and spreading all of my insides.

I let go of him, backing away slowly, shaking my head.

"No," I whisper. "You can't love me Edward."

"I don't think that's up to me anymore Bella. I think I've loved you since I first saw you."

He reaches for me but I climb up and out of the pool.

"You have to stop," I say harshly. "I'm going to hurt you. Can't you see how fucked up I am? How much baggage I'm lugging behind me?"

"Bella," he whispers. "I can deal with anything you throw at me because of that love. And because I know you love me too."

I stare at him in horror. He thinks I love him too. Do I? I don't allow myself to think about it. I've done exactly what I vowed I wouldn't do. I've swallowed him whole…and now I'm going to have to spit him out…and I'm going to break him.

"I don't love you Edward. You're an amazing guy and we've had sex a couple of times but that's it. This is exactly why I didn't want to go down this road. This can't go further. Don't you see? I'll end up hurting you much more in the future."

His eyes seem glazy and filled with tears as he listens to my words but I can't stop now. I have to end this before it gets worse. I have to hurt him now so that he can move on and meet someone who can make him happy…someone worthy of his love.

"When you leave tomorrow…I don't think we should see each other again. I'm wrong for you Edward. You deserve so much more."

"You are my more Bella, can't you see that? You're standing there lying to yourself just as much as you're lying to me," he shouts angrily as he gets out of the pool.

"Why are you doing this?"

I don't answer. I just look away. If I look at him now I'll want him to hold me, to tell me he loves me, to believe so much that I can be enough for him.

"You can't choose who to fall in love with, but you can choose to ignore it. If you think we shouldn't see each other again, I won't pressure you."

He grabs a towel off the underroof rack and walks over to the sliding door. I don't look at him as I sit on the patio sofa.

"Good night Bella. Whatever happens, know that I love you. And know that will never change." His voice sounds anciently sad and the pieces of my heart that he had mended rip apart again, the pain seeping through my body.

I look back just in time to see him disappear upstairs and then my tears start again. Only this time they're not for Jacob. Every single salty drop belongs to Edward.

I startle when a towel is wrapped around me from behind and I look up to see Jasper smiling down at me.

"Need some company?" he asks in that calm manner that I've come to love so much.

"Alice won't mind?" I ask.

"Nope," he says chuckling. "She sent me down here."

"Oh…you heard."

"Well, seeing as though our balcony is just above the pool and the door was open we didn't have much of a choice but to hear the Edward's tirade. I'm having a beer, want something?"

"Vodka, thanks."

"Mix?"

"None, just bring the bottle."

He eyes me for a few seconds.

"Okay," he agrees. "But only because I think you might actually need it right now."

"Thanks Jazz," I say as he turns but then he freezes and turns back.

"What's wrong?" I ask worriedly.

"Nothing," he smiles sadly. "My mom used to call me Jazz. No one has called me that since she died."

"Oh God, I'm sorry. I won't do it again."

"No," he says smiling a bit more brighter. "No, don't stop. I like it."

"Okay," I whisper.

He turns to walk away again.

"Jazz?"

"Yeah?"

"Forget the Vodka. I'll have a beer with you. Corona."

He nods and while he's gone I pull my dress over my wet underwear that has so far been concealed by the towel he gave me.

We sit for a while not talking, taking sips of beer.

"You can talk to me Bella," he says genuinely. "I'm a good listener."

I believe him. Since the first moment I met him I trusted him with all my heart.

"I don't know what's in my head Jazz. No, actually, I do know, but I can't allow it. Edward loves me. We hardly know each other but he's so sure. And even though I never thought it possible for it to happen so fast, I think I love him too. But I can't be with him. I'm damaged goods. He deserves someone better than me."

"Don't you think that's his choice?"

"He's not thinking straight. I have to be tough here otherwise I'll end up hurting him further down the line and it'll be so much worse."

"Why do you think you'll hurt him?"

"Because I'm not good enough Jazz. I gave my life to Jake and it wasn't enough. I'll never be enough."

"Oh Bella. You don't see yourself very clearly do you? You're an amazing woman. Alice has never approved of any woman Edward has ever introduced to her but with you…after you spoke on the phone for the first time she said she's just met her best friend…an no one bets against Alice. You've crept into my heart as well, not just because Alice loves you already, but because I can see what an honest and good person you are. You have so much love to give Bella. Don't keep it to yourself."

I laugh sarcastically.

"Honest? I'm not honest Jazz. I lied to him. I promised him I'd wait until I was ready but I didn't."

"I think you're lying to yourself. I think you were ready…you are ready."

"If that's the case, I still lied to him. Tonight. I lied because I had to. Because he wouldn't let me go any other way."

Tears are streaming down my face again and Jasper moves closer, taking my hands in his.

"Let him love you Bella," he whispers. "Let him show you how wonderful love can be."

He gets up and bends down, kisses my cheek and straightens up again.

"Goodnight Bella," he says as he starts walking away.

"Goodnight Jazz."

I sit and stare into the darkness for a view more minutes before I lock up and go to bed. I pause at Edward's door, wanting so badly to go inside and lay in his arms one last time, kiss his perfect lips one last time…make love to him one last time.

I can almost feel him…taste him.

I walk slowly to my bedroom and close my door softly.

"Why are you doing this?" I whisper to myself. "Why are you letting him go?"

Because you're not good enough, my heart's voice floats through my mind.

I stare at myself in the mirror and I hate what I see.

An empty shell of the woman I used to be, a woman that will never be good enough for anyone. I'll never know what it feels like to love with no fear. I'll never know what it feels like to know I'm enough, that someone needs me because they can't live without me. I'll never know unconditional love.

I strip and get into bed naked, not having the energy to do anything else.

I cry myself to sleep, Edward's emerald eyes watching me in my dreams.


	18. Chapter 18

**Leibeezer is so kicking my ass.**

**Nathalia – you make me laugh…open an account already so I can reply to you directly!**

**Abm550 – I'll share a Corona with you.**

**I am also blessed to have one of my favourite authors reading my first fanfic currently which has me seeing stars!**

**So the general consensus is that everyone is kinda pissed at Bella. Don't be so hard on her, she just got her ass handed to her on a plate a few days prior...although in word terms it feels like a lifetime ago!**

**Hope you love me a little more at the end of this…**

I wake up groggily with a knocking at my bedroom door. My eyes feel swollen and raw from crying.

"Bella?"

"I'll be right out Alice." 

I jump up and brush my teeth, splash water on my face and pull a tank top and shorts on. I jog downstairs just as Alice comes in from outside. I glance at the clock, it's a little after six.

"Why are you leaving so early?" I ask confused.

"I'm so sorry Bella," Alice says as she hugs me. "The foreman at the farm called. One of the mares has gone into labor. Jasper never misses a birth. I'll call you later. Thank you so much for everything.

She pulls me along as she walks outside.

"Where's Edward?" I ask when I see only Jasper at the car.

"He didn't say goodbye?" she asks disapprovingly. "He left at five this morning."

My stomach drops and I feel faint.

He's gone.

I didn't get to say goodbye.

"Bella," Alice says softly. "I don't want to interfere but Edward is in love with you. He knows it just as he knows the sky is blue and the grass is green. He came to me briefly last night when Jasper was with you. You think you're not good enough for him, but Bella, you are. My brother has dated before but he's never been serious. He's distraught. He said he wants to give you space, that you'll know when it's time. But Bella, don't make him wait too long. You know what's in your heart. Now all you need to learn is your worth."

By the time she's finished talking I'm a sniveling mess again.

Jasper hugs me long and hard and all too soon I'm watching their car disappear around the corner.

I walk back inside and slam the door harder than I should. I lean against it with my back because my legs feel like jelly. Looking at my big empty, quiet house, I've never felt this lonely in all my life.

I walk back upstairs and crawl back into bed.

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I don't know how long I'm awake and how long I sleep.

I don't know how many times the moon rises or the sun sets. I'm starving yet not for food. I'm thirsty yet not for water.

Only one thing can take away this agony…and he's gone.

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Rose and Emmett come and see me but I don't speak. I hear Rose tell Emmett she thinks I'm having a delayed reaction to the break up with Jake. If only it was that.

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When they come again I hear Emmett shouting at Rose that I've had a nervous breakdown and they need to get me to a hospital. Rose tells him to shut up…that she'll take care of me.

She brings me food and shouts at me for not eating. I start flushing it down the toilet before she comes again. She wants me to shower but I refuse, yelling at her to leave me alone.

I deserve this. I told Edward to leave. He's hurting. I shouldn't get off so easy.

I close my eyes when she leaves and let sleep swallow me into darkness where I belong.

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It's dark when I wake hearing someone punching the code to the front door. I don't know what time it is and I don't care. I wish Emmett and Rose would leave me be.

I open my eyes when my bedroom door opens. My dead heart slowly stirs from its slumber.

Edward.

He's here.

He came back.

The look on his face is one of shock and utter defeat as he stares at me for a few seconds before walking over to the bed.

His fingers run through my hair but don't get far. I can't remember when last I've brushed my hair.

"Oh Bella…what have you done to yourself?" he asks. But he's not asking me. I think he's talking to a higher being, to someone or something that I can't see.

I look away. I can't look at him.

"Bella, please, look at me," he begs.

And then I do. Because I can't deny him. I can't be the cause of more pain, to him or myself. I can't stand it anymore…I'm dying on the outside just as I've been dying on the inside.

"Baby," he whispers. "If I run you a bath can you take one for me?" he asks. It sounds like he's talking to a preschooler, I guess I deserve it.

I nod slowly then. How can I say no?

I close my eyes again and I must fall asleep because he gently shakes my shoulder.

"Come on Bella," he says as he effortlessly lifts me into his arms.

He places me down in front of the bath.

"Can you undress yourself?"

I shake my head. I can't do anything because I'm not worth anything.

"Do you want me to help you?"

I nod, still not finding my voice, not looking for it.

I stare at the painting on the bathroom wall…the one that Rose made…the one of the waves rolling onto the shore. I focus my energy on the third wave. The one that seems to come out of nowhere and disappear in the background…like me. Was she thinking of me when she painted this?

"Okay Bella, here we go," Edward says as he gently helps me in the bath.

I lie down immediately, not able to sit up.

"Do you want me to wash your hair," he asks, watching me with such great sorrow I feel more naked than I've ever felt in my life.

Once again I nod. Where's my voice?

His fingers are magic as they move across my scalp. I think he's trying to exorcise my demons…should I tell him it's a waste of time?

"Okay," he says when he's finished. "Why don't you relax a bit? I'll be in the room if you need me."

I'm still staring at the third wave. It seems to move if I stare long enough. Moving behind the first two more majestic waves…the one's I'll never be.

I hear his voice floating in from the room. Quietly, like he doesn't want me to hear him but I hear him anyway.

He talks to Emmett first, letting him know he's here with me. Then he calls Alice and tells her the same.

After a while he comes in again.

"Need any more help?"

I shake my head.

"I'll be downstairs getting something to eat. I'm starving."

He leaves me then and panic rises within my heart, squeezing all the air from my lungs.

What if he leaves again? What if he realizes I'm not good enough like I've been telling him all along?

I wash myself fast with the little energy I have left and get out quickly.

After dressing with effort I look in the mirror and gasp.

I have dark circles under my eyes and I'm paler than I ever remember being. I've lost a lot of weight…a lot. My tank top almost looks like a t-shirt on me.

I can see why Edward was looking at me like that. There was a time when I thought I was beautiful…now I look like a haggard young woman…empty.

I hold onto my yellow wood banister as I slowly walk downstairs. My legs feel funny, like they're not my own yet they're carrying me.

Edward looks up as he puts a salad on the dining room table. There are two place settings, one with a beer and one with an Energade. I assume the Energade is for me and I sit down.

"Can you eat something Bella?"

I'm getting tired of nodding but I do it anyway.

He dishes me a small portion and I watch him as he digs in while I manage a few lettuce leaves and two pieces of cucumber. I manage to finish the Energade though and he seems pleased.

I look at the clock; it's one in the morning. He came from the island in the dead of night.

"Are you tired?" he asks when we're finished.

I don't nod again but he must see it in my eyes. Even though I think I've been sleeping a lot I've been plagued with nightmares. Of never seeing Edward again. Of living my life in a nightmare of forgotten dreams.

"Let's get you upstairs," he says and he helps me up, his arm around my waist all the way, as patient as can be.

I get into bed and when he makes to move I grab his arm, pleading with my eyes.

"Do you want me to stay Bella?" From the tone in his voice I don't think he means just now, I think he means forever.

I search the depths of my soul to find my voice. I need to answer this question. I need to answer the unspoken meaning.

"Yes," I hear my hoarse voice break through the silence.

"Okay," he whispers. "I'll stay." And again the weight of the silent meaning is there.

He kicks of his shoes and lifts his shirt over his head. Even through my passionless mind I feel a small flame flicker deep inside my stomach.

He lies down next to me and I crawl over to him. He opens his arms and I nestle next to him, trying to climb inside of him. We're lying facing each other and I bury my face in his chest as my tears overwhelm me. But these tears feel different; they're tears of relief, not sorrow.

He strings his fingers through my now knotless hair.

"It's okay Bella," he says softly. "I'm here. I'll never leave you again."

With his words echoing in my mind I fall asleep peacefully and at ease.


	19. Chapter 19

**Love you guys so much for loving me a little more…I think you're going to love me a hell of a lot more at the end of this.**

**Thanks for all the reviews. I'm a bit snowed under at the moment so apologies for not singling out my minions as usual. EVERY SINGLE person that reads my story means so much to me. I love getting reviews so thanks to everyone again.**

**Okay, let me not keep you.**

**Have an awesome weekend! (Oh, song is Unpack your Heart by Phillip Phillips…love it, get it, listen to it!)**

I wake up feeling more refreshed than I've felt in a long time. The sun is streaming through my windows and I'm hot as hell.

Edward isn't next to me and my fears grip me again. Was I dreaming? Please God, no. Please don't be so cruel. I know I deserve it but please don't do this to me.

I hurry out of bed, falling down as my foot tangles with the blanket hanging off the bed.

I go to get up but a guitar sounding from the patio through my open French doors keeps me grounded.

And then I hear an angel's voice. My angel…and I lay back down, my cheek on the cool marble tiles of my bedroom.

_Meet me where the sunlight ends_

_Meet me where the truth never bends_

_Bring all that you're scared to defend_

_And lay it down when you walk through my door_

_Throw all of it out on the floor_

_Your sorrow, your beauty, your war_

_I want it all, I want it all_

_Bring your secrets bring your scars_

_Bring your glory, all you are_

_Bring your daylight, bring your dark_

_Share your silence_

_And unpack your heart_

I realize there's still so much to learn about Edward. I didn't even know he played. But now that I think about it I do remember seeing a guitar in the passage on the island. I haven't touched my guitar in months. It's been standing next to the TV gathering dust.

_Show me something the rest never see_

_Give me all that you hope to receive_

_Your deepest regret dies with me_

_The days that you stumble and fall_

_The days when you grind to a crawl_

_The treasure that hides behind your walls_

_I want it all, yeah I want it all_

_Bring your secrets bring your scars_

_Bring your glory, all you are_

_Bring your daylight, bring your dark_

_Share your silence_

_And unpack your heart_

I hurry downstairs, my legs feeling much stronger than they did before.

I walk to the open sliding doors and see Edward cradling my guitar in his strong tanned arms. I don't speak. I lean against the wall listening, marveling at his hypnotizing voice.

_Oh, I'm on your side_

_So shed your shadow _

_And watch it rise_

_Oh, I'm on your side_

_So shed your shadow_

_And watch it rise_

_Into your darkness_

_I'll shine a light_

_Bring your secrets bring your scars_

_Bring your glory, all you are_

_Bring your daylight, bring your dark_

_Share your silence_

_And unpack your heart_

_Bring your honor, bring your shame_

_All your madness, I will tame_

_Won't you lay down, down your guard_

_Share your silence_

_And unpack your heart_

I wait for his fingers to strum the last notes on the guitar before I speak.

"Did you write that?"

He turns slowly, as if he knew I was there all along.

"Sorry," he says with that cute lopsided grin. "Did I wake you?"

"No, I was awake. And I'm glad I was. That was beautiful Edward."

"Thank you," he says. "And yes, I did write it…for you."

"When?" I ask confused. How could he write an entire song in just a few days' time?

He sees the confusion on my face and pats the sofa next to him.

"Sit with me?"

I walk over and take a seat.

"Bella, how long do you think it's been since I left?" he asks earnestly.

"Ummm, a few days…two or three?" It's not a statement but a question.

"Bella, it's been two weeks," he discloses.

"What?"

He nods, waiting for me to make sense of what he's saying.

"Oh my God," I whisper. "How can that be? The restaurant…Emmett…Rose…"

I make to get up but he holds me back.

"Calm down Baby," he says softly. "Rose has taken care of the restaurant. Emmett knows I'm here, I said I'd call him later."

I sit back, trying to make sense of it all. Flashes of images come rushing in…Emmett's worried face…Rose's tirades…my phone ringing off the hook until eventually the battery died.

"Bella, what happened?" Edward asks, his voice laced with the apprehension written all over his godlike face.

"I don't know. I'm not sure…I don't remember."

"I think you might have had a nervous breakdown. This thing with Jake…I think…"

"No!" I shout immediately. "It wasn't Jake."

He stares at me for a few moments.

"Then what was it Bella? Talk to me, please. I'm losing my mind here."

I take a deep breath before speaking.

"I sent you away Edward. That's what happened. I hurt you. I told you things I shouldn't have because I wanted to protect you from me," I say as tears stream down my face.

"I lied to you. I told you I didn't love you. Truth is, I do love you. So much it hurts when you're gone. I thought I'd never see you again."

I can hear my voice growing anxious as I lean forward.

"I know I'm not good enough for you and I might never be, but don't give up on me Edward. I can't be without you. Not again. I can't…"

I don't get further because he leans forward and pulls me to him, his mouth finding mine in what I can only describe as the most exquisite kiss I've ever experienced. I realize how we fit, how we already know just what the other needs as our kiss deepens and surrounds us and in that instant I swallow him again…with the intention of never letting him go.

"Say it again," he murmurs as he buries his face in my neck.

"I love you," I say. "I love you so much it breaks me to think of you not being with me. I love you so much it feels like it's too much for my heart to bear but I can't help it."

He lifts his head, a single tear running down his sculptured cheek again.

"As I love you," he says simply.

We sit not talking for a while, holding onto each other, savoring the moment of togetherness.

Eventually he straightens up.

His hands run down my shoulders, over my ribs.

"I was so scared," he admits. "When I saw you. God, you've lost so much weight, your eyes…I can't bear to ever see you like that again."

"I'm sorry…I didn't realize…"

"Don't apologize…I should have never left."

"You didn't know Edward. I didn't give you much of a choice, did I?"

He shakes his head dejectedly.

"How about you make me breakfast?" I ask because honestly, I'm starving.

He smiles at me, the smile that reaches his eyes.

"You know, besides hearing you say you love me, that must be the best thing I've heard in my entire life."

He insists on making breakfast without help. I sit at the kitchen counter, watching him, feeling things between us falling back into that familiar pattern that we've had from the start.

He feeds me bacon and eggs and toast and fried tomatoes until I can't possibly eat anymore.

"Bella," he asks carefully when we've finished cleaning. "Is it okay if I call Emmett and Rose to come over? They're really worried about you."

I hate myself for doing that to them.

"Of course. Please, call them now."

"I hate that I've had everyone worried," I admit.

"Baby, trust me, everyone is just happy that you're okay. That's all that matters to all of us. They just want you to be happy."

"I am," I say softly as I grab hold of his hand. "When you're here, I'm happy."

He smiles and kisses me softly on my lips before dialing Emmett's number.

"They're on their way," he says as he puts his mobile down on the counter.

A knot forms in my stomach at the question I have to ask.

"When are you leaving?"

He sees the panic on my face because he walks back over to me and brushes my cheek in that way I love so much.

"I'm not leaving Bella."

I look at him in confusion.

"I called the Parks this morning. They're sending a replacement. I've cited a family emergency."

"Edward…I don't want you to get into trouble with your job." I know how much it means to him.

He chuckles.

"No worries. I'm a dedicated marine ranger Bella and I've put my work ahead of everything else since I started with them. Apparently there's an intern itching to get out there so all I have to do is take him out there tomorrow morning, get him settled and then take my much overdue leave of two months."

Relief floods my system at his words. I close my eyes for a few moments and relax.

"You're doing this all for me?" I ask as I open my eyes again.

"Bella, I told you. I'm not leaving you again. I meant it. I know trust isn't exactly high up on your list right now, but I'll do everything in my power, even if it takes the rest of my life, to prove to you that love can make you feel like you can fly, because when I'm with you, that's exactly how you make me feel."

His hands are on my hips and he starts pulling me closer as his head starts dropping to mine, his eyes on my lips…I love these moments where our love needs us to be as close as we can.

Tires screech to a halt outside and the spell is broken. Edward drops his forehead to mine and chuckles. Me on the other hand…that knot is back.

I know exactly who that is.


	20. Chapter 20

**Firstly, to Guest (Alberta) – I'm glad I'm not the only one that has been through hell these past few days. You have no idea how much it means to me that you took the time to review when going through all of that…your daughter must be extremely upset with her Daddy right now! I'm glad my story gave you some time out. Sorry I'm responding here but I can't PM you if you're not logged in.**

**Leibeezer hopes everything is smooth sailing from here…she's sick of Jacob (so am I )**

**Nathalia wanted to physically attack Bella (me too)**

**Again, thanks to everyone for the support…it makes it a pleasure for me to write.**

**Let's see what happens next…**

Edward opens the door just in time for Emmett to barrel through and I run into his huge embrace. His hands tangle with my hair and pulls at it almost painfully.

"Fuck, Bella, you scared me." He lets go and roughly runs his hands over my arms before grabbing my face in between them. "Don't ever do that to me again."

"I'm sorry Emmett. I didn't know. I didn't know I was out of it for so long. I never wanted to hurt you…to hurt anyone."

"I've got you back," he says then more softly and the grip on my face relaxes. "That's all that matters."

"Okay, enough, let me at her," I hear Rose. Emmett let's go just because he knows she'll wrestle him for me.

She hugs me harder, so hard it hurts but I take it because I've missed her so damn much.

"Thank you," I whisper into her blonde hair.

"For what?"

"For trying to keep me going when I couldn't."

"It's okay Bella. Everything is going to be okay. As long as we have you back, we can deal with the rest as a family."

And just like that it seems I am forgiven.

We spend a few hours together around the pool. Rose gives me the heads up at the restaurant and Emmett, like the old woman he is, tells me all about the scandals of our small town.

I don't let go of Edward. I can't. I follow him all over. He lets me, not complaining.

He and Emmett run down to the shop and Rose sees my panic the moment the car leaves.

"He's not going anywhere Bella," she says smiling.

"I know," I say defeated. "I know but I can't explain how scared I am Rose. That I'll never be what he needs me to be. That he'll never need me as much as I need him."

"Bella!" she says sternly and loudly and I look at her in surprise.

"This shit has to stop. You're worth so much more than you believe. He wants you just the way you are. No pretending, no fancy frills, just you. Can't you see that?"

I look away but she walks over to me and grabs my chin in her hand, forcing me to look back at her.

"There used to a time when you believed in yourself. When you used to say 'fuck the world, I am the world'. You need to dig deep and find that Bella again. Fuck Jacob Black. He never deserved you. You need to start realizing that what happened isn't your fault. You were more than enough for him. In fact, you were too much for him. Let go Bella. Let go and give yourself to your soul mate."

"My soul mate," I say, testing the words on my tongue.

She nods, smiling.

"That's what he is Bella. I know because since the first time I saw you together he's had that same look in his eyes that Emmett still has every time he looks at me. Grab it with both hands Bella. Both hands…and never let go," she finishes with tears shining in her eyes.

"Thank you Rose," I whisper. "For loving me so much. For always being my reason."

She shrugs, managing a bashful smile and I laugh at that. Bashful Rose? No way!

"I don't know any other way to love," she says when I stop laughing. "Neither do you, you just have to remember."

I tell her about Edward and my conversation and she's ecstatic. It rubs off.

By the time they get back we're in the pool with the volleyball net up and I'm losing two to seven.

I feel human again. Not just because of Edward but because I'm remembering that I'm loved by so many people. I can't be that bad a person then, can I?

Edward's phone rings and he calls out to me.

"Please take this call from Alice," he begs. "She won't stop."

I laugh and get out quickly, drying my hand and grabbing the pone.

"Alice," I say indulgently.

"Bella!" she screeches and I have to hold the phone away from my ear. Edward flinches; I guess he knows the feeling. "I've been so worried. Jasper had to hide the car keys away after I spoke to Edward last night."

She's no fuss and normal and I love her.

"Soooooo," she drags out, not giving me chance to respond. "Edward tells me this morning he's taken a leave of absence and I don't know if you know but tomorrow's Friday so Jasper and I were talking and we'd like you guys to come for the weekend. Oh, and of course Rose and Emmett too. Mom and Dad are going to be here as well. I know it's short notice but they're dying to meet you and I won't rest until I've seen you with my own two eyes."

"I don't know Alice," I say uncertainly. Meeting Edward's parents already? "It's too soon…"

"Bullshit," she laughs. "It's perfect. You need it Bella. You need to get away and I know you're dying to ride. Please say yes, I'm literally on my knees here."

"She's not kidding!" I hear Jasper shout in the background and I laugh.

"Well, in that case, how can I say no?"

She squeals so loud they hear it on the patio and they laugh.

"Okay, so don't leave too late otherwise we miss a whole day. By the way, you, my dad and Jasper have a date early tomorrow morning on the cross country track. Oh six hundred hours."

"Alice," I whine. "You already organized it before I said yes?"

"Did you forget Bella? I thought Jasper told you I'm psychic? I knew you'd say yes."

We say goodbye and I walk back to the table.

"I hope you guys have nothing planned," I say. "Alice wants us to head up to the farm tomorrow for the weekend."

"I know," Rose says.

"You know?" 

"Yes. Alice called me just before we came."

I shake my head smiling. There's no need to argue then is there?

Emmett and Rose end up staying for dinner that she and Edward prepare while Emmett and I spend some quality time together.

When they leave it's a little after ten and I'm exhausted. I guess not eating or moving for two weeks will do that to you.

"Ready for bed?" Edward asks as he starts locking up.

"You have no idea," I yawn.

"Well, go up so long. I'll just finish up down here."

I walk up the first three steps before turning around, unsure and scared.

"You won't leave…will you?" I hate how insecure I sound.

He stops in his tracks and looks up at me.

"I told you I'll never leave again Bella. I'll prove it to you in time. For now, just believe in what we have."

I nod, smiling and head upstairs. I'm asleep before he comes in.


	21. Chapter 21

**Nathalia says Bella should start living her life and leave behind the heartache.**

**Leibeezer loves me again…I think?**

**Alberta – glad to know things are looking up on your side. I'm a good shoulder to cry on…**

**To everyone that reviews, thank you. I know I say this every time but you really don't have an idea what it means to me, and I think for every writer out there. Without you guys, our stories would be a life with empty pages.**

**I hope you guys enjoy this chapter…I really enjoyed writing it.**

**I can't wait to read the reviews on this!**

I'm awoken with soft kisses on my bare shoulder and that flame burns a little hotter in the pit of my stomach.

"Baby," Edward whispers. "Garrett just called me from the harbor. I'm going to take him over quickly. I'll try not to take too long."

I sit up abruptly. He sees my worry.

"I tell you what," he says. "Why don't you follow us with your boat? That way Garrett doesn't have to come back again."

He knows what I need and he gives it to me without thinking twice.

"Thank you," I say thankful and jump up. I glance outside to be met with a cloudy but wind free morning.

I run into the bathroom, brush my teeth, my hair and wash my face as I hear Edward call Garrett and tell him we'll be there shortly.

I pull my grey sweat pants on and Edward helps me with my jacket.

He zips up my front and that spark passes between us as his fingers graze my chest. He feels it too because we look up to each other at exactly the same time, his breath hitching.

He slowly lowers his head, his lips stopping inches before meeting mine.

"Kiss me," he commands, his green eyes dark and stormy fire pools.

I don't hesitate and I don't waste time. My tongue immediately forces entrance to his mouth and glides over his hot marble smooth one.

Fire and ice…heaven and hell…it all collides as his hand cradles my face.

When he pulls away I moan loudly and pout, which makes him throw his head back and laugh.

"I know Baby," he chuckles, sounding as frustrated as I feel. "But I need to do this one thing and then I'm all yours."

I nod and he kisses my forehead.

"Let's go," he says as he pulls me along with him.

Garrett is a sweet brown haired darling. He's eager and bright eyes and I can see Edward feels good leaving him in charge.

I pack what little Edward has in his bedroom and bathroom as they take a quick walk on the island. We helped Garrett carry his gear and supplies when we got here.

I sit impatiently and listen to Edward as he goes through all the details with Garrett.

By the time we get back to the boat I can't wait to get my hands on Edward's perfect naked body, feeling my fingers glide over his sweaty skin as I take him in.

"Move over," Edward says as I take place to man the boat.

"Oh no!" I laugh. "This is my baby, I'll do it. Get comfortable."

He shakes his head smiling and does as instructed.

When we get to the harbor he's impressed.

"Smooth sailing Miss Swan."

"Always Mr. Cullen."

As we talk into the house we attack each other. Edward kicks the door closed behind him. We don't get further than a few steps from the front door before we're on the floor, clothes flying in all directions.

"This isn't how I wanted to do this Bella," he moans but doesn't attempt to push me away either as I climb on top of him.

"I don't care Edward. We have time for moonlight and roses. Right now, all I want to feel is you inside of me."

I grab my sweat pants next to him and take out the condom I put in there before we left this morning.

I help him put it on, loving his silky hardness under my fingers.

He grips my face in his hands, our mouths so close but not touching as I guide him into me. We both groan at the sensation and I watch him in awe as his eyes roll back, his mouth open, his breath swallow.

His hands move to my hips and he starts moving me…so slowly it's sinful.

"Edward," I beg. "Please…"

The friction inside of me is driving me to the edge. He reaches places inside of me that has never been reached before. Only he can make me feel this way.

I sit up, leaning slightly back and swivel my hips over him, creating an angle that literally takes my breath away. I fight hard to get it back.

His hand reaches out and when his fingers spread out on my stomach and his thumb presses against my clit, that ember ignites and spreads through me like a wild fire.

I lose track of everything except all that is Edward. My body is burning deliciously as I call his name, gripping his hand between us and riding out the fiery storm.

I'm just in time to look down and see the look on his face as he comes…and nothing has ever been more beautiful to me than that.

Somewhere inside of me hope sprouts…that I can be what he needs…that I might just be enough…how could I not be when I can make him feel like this.

He pulls me down on him and I lie breathless, content and happy. His hands glide over my back, my ass, my arms. Skin on skin. If I could stay like this forever, I would.

I try to think about a time before I met Edward when loves was good…when love was enough. But I can't. This, this right here, nothing has ever filled my heart so completely.

We both startle as the front door opens. Emmett walks in and stops dead in his tracks.

"Oh fuck," Edward whispers.

"Emmett, what the fuck," Rose says as she walks into him from behind. She shoves him playfully out of her way but when she spots us she freezes…and then she bursts out laughing.

My brother is still staring at us but I'm not sure if he's actually seeing us. His eyes are glazed over. He looks like he's in shock.

"Emmett," I beg, so embarrassed I can't feel my body just quite yet. "Do you mind?"

He snaps out of his mindless stare and turns around quickly. Rose does too but she's still laughing.

"Please God," I hear Emmett whisper, his head turned toward the sky. "Please erase this memory from my mind."

Edward and I dress as fast as we can. We keep eyeing each other the entire time. He doesn't seem as worried as I am, although his jaw is set, like he's waiting for Emmett to explode.

When we're dressed Rose still hasn't stopped laughing.

"Okay," I say softly.

Emmett turns around slowly, his glare falling on Edward. Oh shit…he has that grizzly look on his face.

"You," he says as he points at Edward. "Outside…now."

"Oh for goodness sake Emmett," Rose says, finally calming to a giggle. "Relax."

"Emmett," I warn, taking a step forward. "Don't do this."

"No Bella," Edward says. "It's fine. Why don't you go pack so long? Don't worry about my stuff; I have enough on the farm. Let Rose help you."

Emmett turns around but doesn't move, waiting for some indication that Edward is following him. His shoulders are visibly shaking and it's scaring me.

"Are you crazy," I whisper. "He'll kill you."

"Calm down Bella. Emmett needs to talk to me and that's what we're going to do. But if he's looking for an apology, he's not getting one. I won't apologize for loving you."

His voice is soft and I don't think Emmett was meant to hear him but I think he does. I see him stiffen even more and when he hears Edward walking towards him he leads, walking out the front door.

Shit, I think as I look over to Rose who still has a megawatt smile on her face. This is going to get ugly.


	22. Chapter 22

**Loved the reviews so far…**

**I'm not going to single out anyone this morning…I'm snowed under and putting this up quickly before I start with work.**

**But remember just because I don't mention you it doesn't mean I'm not enjoying hearing from you. I'll get to it in the next chapter.**

**I know you're dying to see what happens so here we go…**

"Rose," I whine as she bursts out laughing again when the door is closed. "A little help?"

"Oh Bella, put a sock in it," she says as she starts pulling me towards the stairs. "You know Emmett, just let him say his say and then it's finished."

She shoves me up the stairs but I'm edgy.

I pack everything I need, including my riding gear I haven't used for so long. I hold my jodhpurs to my face and inhale deeply. I swear even after all this time I can still faintly smell horse on it and it calms me a little bit.

We head back downstairs to find Emmett and Edward having a beer in the kitchen. They seem okay but they're on opposite sides of the counter, which suits me just fine.

"Everything okay Grizzly?" I ask as I wrap my arms around him.

"I guess," he huffs. "But please, let's not ever mention this again. I did not see you naked…and I did not see you naked on top of a man."

He says it like he's trying to convince himself it's the truth and Rose starts laughing again.

"This isn't funny, okay!" he shouts at her as I walk over to Edward.

She pulls him against her and kisses him softly.

"I know," she says softly, calming him instantly like only she can. "But you can let this go. You can be happy for them because Edward loves her. Because he's the guy that we've been waiting for to capture her heart."

And then I see it.

That look Rose was talking about. Emmett gives her one that is filled with that unconditional love I thought was unattainable.

I look up at Edward next to me and he looks down at me as he pulls me close. He has that same look in his eyes.

And all of a sudden everything falls into place inside of me…and then I know for sure. He loves me with everything he has to give…he has to if he's looking at me the same way Emmett is looking at Rose…because my brother will never love anyone as much as he loves her.

Emmett insists we drive in his Jeep because it has more space. I don't argue. Even though Rose tells Edward to sit up front he kindly declines and he holds me close the entire trip.

We turn off the road onto a dirt path at Edward's instruction and as soon as we clear a small hill my breath hitches.

Edward looks at me briefly with a huge smile on his face before he looks out of the window again.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" he asks.

"Breathtaking," is my answer.

As far as the eye can see blue grass paddocks stretch over the earth. Mayflower Rose trees line the path down to the main house which is Old Cape Dutch style, as white as can be.

Grape vines adorn the wooden trellis down the sides of the walls.

I scan my surroundings again and watch the horses in the nearby paddocks as we drive. I feel that familiar itch to get in the saddle…or bareback…whichever.

As we pull up in front of the house a familiar squeal draws my attention back to the present.

We laugh as Alice literally bounces down the stairs. Jasper watches from the front door with a huge smile on his face.

She pulls my door open and me out and into her arms before I can protest…not that I want to.

"Bella," she says, her voice filled with relief. "I thought I'd lost my best friend without even getting to know her."

I can hear the tears in her voice which brings mine on as well.

"Not a chance," I whisper as I hold her tight.

We stand like that holding each other for a long time until I hear Edward's voice.

"Mom, Dad."

I straighten up and both Alice and I wipe our tears, laughing at each other.

I look over to Edward who is embraced by both parents at the same time.

He pulls away and I get a good look at them. Wow, now I know where Edward and Alice get their timeless beauty from.

"I want you to meet Bella," he says to them as Alice pulls me closer.

"Mrs. Cullen," I say as I extend my hand, smiling.

She surprises me by swatting it away and embracing me as only a mother can. I bury my face in her hair and inhale deeply. I sigh as I realize she uses the same perfume as my mom used to…a smell I thought I'd forgotten but now fills all my senses.

"Bella," she says smiling as she holds me at arms' length, her hands gently on my forearms.

"You are more beautiful than both my children described."

I know I'm blushing because my cheeks heat up at her comment.

"And none of this Mrs. and Mr. Cullen business. It's Esme and Carlisle." 

"Esme," Carlisle chastises. He must see my embarrassment. "Let the poor girl go now so I can grope her."

"Dad!" Edward and Alice shout together.

"Oh hush," he says laughing. "Come here Angel."

Parents, I think as he hugs me close. How I've missed this.

"Now you tell me the moment my son over there gives you any problems," he says with a wicked gleam in his eyes. "I'm not too old to kick a few asses."

"Not to worry Mr. C," Emmett pipes up. "I have it all under control."

We laugh and further introductions are made all around.

I keep glancing to the paddocks and Jasper notices.

"Want a quick tour?" he asks, but he doesn't wait for an answer. He grabs my hand and pulls me behind him. I go willingly.

"Edward," he shouts over his shoulder. "Be a sweetie and show everyone where they're sleeping. Mom and Dad are in the blue room."

"Yeah," Edward answers sarcastically. "Like I have a choice. Just bring her back in one piece."

"I'll try my best," he jokes and I laugh at the look on Edward's face as Jasper keeps pulling me with him.

"Leave them be Edward," I hear Alice behind us. "She'll come back just fine."

Jasper takes me around the stables and I marvel at the high tech set up they have.

The brood mares are a beauty to behold. I stop at each one, loving how they nuzzle my hand with their soft lips as I lay my head on their necks and inhale the most intoxicating smell I know besides Edward.

A wild whinny catches my attention from outside.

"That must be Big Blue," Jasper says.

I look at him questioningly as the ruckus outside continues.

"Been trying to break that damn horse for over a month with no luck. But forget about that, let me show you Zorro," he says excitedly but I pull in the direction of the commotion.

"No, I want to see Blue."

"Okay, Blue first," he concedes. "Let's go. Sounds like Paul has his hands full again."

We round the corner just in time to see a russet skinned young man hitting the ground full on. Ouch, that must hurt like hell.

"Fuck!" he shouts as he gets up. He tries to catch the majestic stallion but doesn't succeed.

He gives up, shaking his head and wiping the sweat from his brow.

"Paul," Jasper greets and he straightens up immediately. Guess there's no arguing about who runs this place.

Paul's worn jeans sit tight on his legs and his brown shirt is exactly the same color as his eyes. He's a looker, that's for sure.

"This is Bella, Edward's girlfriend." 

I smile at Jasper for the introduction and Paul walks over and shakes my hand solidly in his dirty one.

"Bella," he smiles tiredly. "Good to meet you. I was beginning to think Edward was gay."

Jasper bursts out laughing at that and I punch him on the shoulder.

"Not funny Jazz," I giggle. I look back over at Paul.

"Nice to meet you too," I say. "And trust me, Edward is definitely not gay."

"Good to know," Paul jokes back.

"So, what seems to be the problem with Blue," I ask as I climb through the wooden lunging ring.

"Bella," Jasper warns before Paul can answer. "I promised Edward to bring you back in one piece. I'd really feel better if you were next to me on this side."

"I don't know," Paul says, ignoring Jasper. "He just doesn't want to break." He sounds frustrated.

I look over at Blue as he stands on guard to one side, watching us, ready to bolt.

I can see where he gets his name from. Sweat covering his black coat makes him shine almost blue in the sun. He must be the most exquisite Friesian I've ever seen. His body is all muscle and his big hooves have a smattering of long hair hanging over them.

I look back up and make eye contact, his fringe slightly hanging over one eye in a cocky kind of way.

His stare is a proud one, a defiant one.

I keep eye contact as I slowly start walking over.

"Oh shit," I hear Jasper behind me.

"No, don't move Jazz," I whisper loudly, not looking at him.

I stop a few feet away from Blue, reaching out my hand, waiting for him to make the next move.

It feels like an eternity standing like that, eye to eye. I'm just about to give up when he neighs loudly, shaking his head a stomping his hoof.

"Bella," Jasper warns, worry evident in his voice but I ignore him.

This is something I can do. This is the only place inside me that I have never doubted.

And so I take another step closer.


	23. Chapter 23

**Nathalia was laughing at Emmett as much as I was laughing when I wrote it. Woman, please log in so I can respond to you directly! (Oh, my name is Cindy, by the way)**

**Leibeezer is just glad Bella's come around again.**

**I think I've replied to all the reviews…if not, be free to pm me and virtually kick my ass.**

**I'm so snowed under...please excuse any gremlins, although I think I got them all.**

**Let's see where we go from here. I think some mothering from Esme is in order…don't you?**

"You won't hurt me will you?" I whisper so only Blue can hear me. "Maybe that's part of the problem here," I keep talking as he eyes me.

His fierce glare has turned skeptical.

"They want to break you, but that's never going to happen, is it? Maybe they should accept you rather than trying to change you. I can relate Blue, trust me. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Now I have someone that loves me for me, just as I am. Let me be that for you."

He stares at me for a few seconds…and then it happens. He takes a small step forward and reaches his neck forward as far as it can go. His satin soft nose pushes into the palm of my hand. I don't move yet.

"That's it Blue," I whisper. "Look at me. Really look at me and know that I will never hurt you. Trust me."

I know he doesn't understand a word I'm saying but something in my voice must break through his fear because he takes another step forward and lays his neck over my shoulder, his long elegant face warm against my back.

"Will you look at that," I hear Paul say to Jasper as I rub big circles on Blue's neck.

"Pegasus," I whisper so as not to startle him.

"What's that?" Jasper asks.

"His name shouldn't be Blue, it should be Pegasus."

"Well, seeing as though you're the only one that can get through to him, I guess you have seniority on picking his name."

As if he agrees, Pegasus pulls his strong neck high up in the air, throws a glance at Jasper and walks away from me as if he's become bored with the current events.

"Need help getting the saddle off?" I ask Paul.

"Nope," he says. "Taking it off is the easy part. He'll stay here tonight. I'll try again in the morning."

Somehow, I know he'll fail. He's pushing too hard.

I climb through to Jasper and he visibly relaxes.

"Okay, that's more than my heart can take for one day Bella," he says as he wraps his arm around my shoulders. "Let's get you back to Edward before you decide to swim with the crocodiles."

"You have crocodiles?" I ask excitedly.

He laughs a hearty laugh as he shakes his head.

"No, thank God for that."

I nudge him in the ribs playfully and we end up playing a game of touch all the way to the main house.

Later the evening as we're sitting in the lounge Jasper is recounting what happened.

"Bella, do you realize what progress you've made?" Alice says as she claps her hands.

I toy with Edward's fingers, hating the attention.

"I mean, Blue…oops, Pegasus, hasn't responded to anyone…not even Jasper."

"Good going Baby," Edward says proudly.

"I always thought she was some kind of horse whisperer freak," Emmett pipes up and Rose smacks him on his arm.

"Ow," he says. "I was only joking."

"Well Bella," Carlisle says as he gets up and pours himself another glass of Merlot. "Don't think this makes any difference to tomorrow's challenge. I have my eyes on the winning line already."

Jasper laughs loudly. "Yeah old man," he says smiling. "And you see me crossing that winning line first."

"To be fair," Edward says. "Bella has never done this course before; shouldn't she get like a head start or something?"

"Edward," Rose says with her head tilted slightly to the side. "You obviously have much to learn about Bella. Doesn't matter whether she's done the course or not, I bet you she's over that finish line first."

I smile a huge smile her way. She knows this is the one safe place in my life where I can push my limits…where I can fly.

"If you don't mind, I think I'll get to bed," I say as I get up. I'm bushed.

I know my body is still recuperating from the punishment it endured.

"I'll show you up," Esme says before Edward can get up.

I hug everyone quickly.

"See you later," I whisper in Edward's neck.

"Okay Baby."

I managed a few bites of pasta at least earlier tonight before I felt my stomach would explode. Alice wasn't happy but Jasper kept her at bay.

I follow Esme down the passage and into the second door on the right.

"Here you go," she says.

The room is simple yet elegant with a bathroom attached. The four poster California king bed graces the wall next to the window with billowing mosquito nets. The patio doors are open, allowing a much welcomed breeze to flow through the room.

"Sit with me a few minutes?" Esme asks as she sits and pats the bed next to her.

I follow the scent of her perfume, already as addicted to it as I was when my mom wore it.

"I don't want you to be upset with them," she starts. "But both my children spoke to me about what happened in the last few weeks."

I lower my eyes, self-conscious.

"Oh Bella," she says motherly. "Don't be embarrassed. You'll learn quickly enough that we are a very close family. We don't have secrets and we support each other one hundred percent. And I want you to know that I now count you, Emmett and Rose as family too."

My eyes fill with tears.

"I'm sorry I caused everyone such worry," I whisper, my voice trembling.

"Oh Honey, don't apologize. I know what you went through and I know how hard it is to find yourself again after such heartache. I'm just glad Edward was there to help you. I went through something very similar before I met Carlisle and he helped me through it all as well. The Cullen men, well, they're all pretty special."

I nod as I wipe my tears.

"You love my son," she states simply.

I look up at her and answer honestly.

"Yes. I do…so much. Like I can't breathe if he's not with me. I just don't feel so good about myself right now. Jake broke me more than I realized. I found Edward by chance. He believes it was fate. I tried to let him go, to give him more than me, but I couldn't Esme. Does that make me selfish? I don't understand these feelings. How can I feel so much so fast? How can Edward?"

She takes one of my hands in both of hers.

"Bella, one thing you need to understand about the Cullens is that they love hard and fast. The first time I met Carlisle he told me he was going to marry me some day. I thought he was crazy but yet, here I am today, with the man I love a little more every morning I open my eyes. When Alice met Jasper in high school, she came home that very same day saying she'd met her future husband. I tried to get her to see reason while her father couldn't wait to meet him and welcome him to the family. He's been a part of us ever since. The same goes for Edward. He told me on the phone he's met the woman of his dreams…but that she was broken. He told me about this Jake guy, what he did to you. He was so sure that you loved him too but that you just couldn't believe that you were worthy of his love. Alice called me after the first time she spoke to you on the phone telling me she's just met her best friend."

Tears are streaming down my face and Esme's eyes are glazed as one tear escapes them, reminding me so much of Edward.

"What I'm trying to say is, not everything in life makes sense. We don't always know how we fall in love, or when, or why…but does that really matter? Isn't the most important thing that we are loved without reservation? Isn't our happiness what counts?"

I nod, because I know what she's saying is true.

"If you believe in what I'm saying Bella, then just let go. Let go of the pain and the heartache and the feelings of unworthiness. You'll never forget them, but you will learn to accept love again, to be happy. And something I always want you to remember is that I will always be here for you. Whatever you need, know you can always come to me."

I find my voice after a few seconds.

"You use the same perfume as my mom used to. You feel like home. You make me feel like I belong."

She sobs and pulls me close to her.

"Oh Honey. I'll never be able to replace your mom, but know that I won't stop being a mom to you."

We cry together for a while, me in her soft yet strong embrace. I cry because I miss my mother. Because I can smell her. Because I know somehow, wherever she is, she sent a prayer my way…and the prayer's name is Esme.

When she leaves I'm physically and emotionally exhausted and I fall down on the bed still fully dressed.


	24. Chapter 24

**Leibeezer, I said I didn't know if I would be able to update but I pushed hard so here you go.**

**Nathalia…haha…no, I won't push you to open an account…although it would be much easier to communicate.**

**I'm glad everyone loves Esme as much as me.**

**Have a great weekend…see you Monday!**

I wake up with a start, alert as can be.

I sit up and look down at a peacefully sleeping Edward. A light from outside throws shadows across his perfect face.

I can't shake the nagging feeling that something woke me up…and then I hear it. A lonely cry from outside and I instantly know who it is.

I slowly get off the bed and freeze as Edward stirs. But he stays fast asleep and I take my riding boots and leave the room quietly. Edward must have taken them off for me when he came to bed. I sit on the patio step outside and pull my boots on quickly before jogging to the lunging ring.

The full moon affords me enough light to find my way in the darkness of the farm.

I slow down as I near Pegasus and he blows through his nose impatiently when he spots me, as if he's been waiting for me.

I don't hesitate this time as I clamber through to meet him, neither does he. I run my hand over his smooth midnight coat and again marvel at his beauty. Not even Hercules could have dreamed of a creature as glorious as this.

After a few minutes of affection I spot the hackamore hanging on the side of the ring. The saddle is there too but I don't focus on that. He trusts me. I'm not here to break him.

I walk over and bring back the bit-less bridle. I watch him carefully for any signs of apprehension but he remains calm.

I slip the bridle over his head. I'm surprised when he bows his neck to me, making it easier.

"What do you say we try this bareback?" I ask, my hand running through his rough mane. He snorts but looks at me enchantingly…as if he's daring me to try.

I knot my fingers in his mane and with a strong push in my legs I mount him. He remains still and I relax upon him, just sitting…allowing him to get used to the feel of my body.

When I gently press my heels into his sides he lifts his head in an angelic arc and foregoing the required walk he jumps straight into a casual trot. I close my eyes and feel him…it's even more wonderful than I remember, this feeling of unity between rider and horse, of the immense power between my legs.

I push him into a canter and immediately adjust myself to his rhythm and we move as one. It's a splendid feeling.

I rein him in and dismount. I open the gate. There is no hesitation or fear as I mount Pegasus again. Maybe there should be…this is crazy…he's technically a wild horse. I try and will myself to get off and stop this madness but I feel that wicked smile cross my face and I know the devil has won.

Pegasus' ears are pricked forward and his body quivers beneath me as he leaves his cell…step by step…the cell that has been stifling his spirit.

He's impatient…I can feel it. So am I.

I grab hold of his mane again before slacking the reins and leaning forward I put pressure into his sides again with my heels.

He rears back for a split second, reveling in his freedom…and then he bolts. I'm close to losing my balance for a few seconds but I recover quickly.

I don't know the farm and I don't know where we're going but it doesn't matter.

His gallop is fast yet even beneath me, giving me peace of mind. I laugh out loud as we make a midnight run to nowhere, the wind blowing my hair out behind me. We feel the same…free…broken away from the chains that was holding us. This is all we've ever wanted, for someone to love us just the way we are.

Pegasus seems to know his way around because when I look ahead again it seems he's working his way back to the ring. I decide against it at the last moment and I steer him past it and toward a lone empty stable closer to the main house.

I'm glad to see it's prepared when I peer inside, clean hay covering the ground.

I pull on the reins and he follows me without hesitation.

Freeing him from the hackamore I kiss his forehead, staring into his eyes again.

"What do you say we teach them a lesson or two tomorrow? Think you can clear some jumps for me?"

He snorts against my hand and I giggle.

"I'll take that as a yes."

I close the stable door behind me, blowing him a kiss as I steer my tired body over the lawn to our open doors.

Edward is still fast asleep as I take off my riding boots.

I strip off everything except my shirt and snuggle behind him.

I fall asleep with the smell of sweat and horse and unconditional trust.

"Baby, you need to wake up. It's four thirty."

"Hhmmmm," I moan. "Just a few more minutes."

"Bella, Baby," I hear Edward's soft voice. I feel his hand working through my hair.

"Are you really going to forfeit against Dad and Jasper? You'll never hear the end of it. If you're not at the starting line at six, you're out."

Even though I'm tired as hell I feel the bubbles of excitement in my veins.

I open my eyes, smiling sleepily at Edward.

"You'll never guess what happened last night," I say excitedly as I get up and scratch in my bag for my toiletries.

"What?" he asks, smiling benevolently. "What were you up to while I was sleeping?"

"I met the most amazing man. He stole my heart you know."

His face is one of confusion.

"Wait a minute," he says as he follows me into the bathroom.

I open the water and jump right in, adjusting the temperature slightly.

"You reeked of horse when I woke up this morning. You didn't when I got into bed. Bella, what have you been up to?"

I can't get the goofy grin off my face.

"I told you," I say as I rinse the shampoo off my hair. "I was swept off my feet last night."

He stares at me as I finish in the shower. He hands me a towel when I close the taps and I walk over to the basin. I brush my teeth and hair before I move to the bedroom. Edward eyes me skeptically as I moisturize and start dressing.

As I pull my jodhpurs up a light bulb flickers over his head.

"No," he says angrily. "You didn't."

"Yes, I did," I say as I put my sports bra on and pull my Metallica shirt over my head. I glance over at him and when I see his glare I stop and stare right back at him.

"Bella," he says apprehensively. "That horse isn't broken in yet. You don't know my Dad and Jasper on that course. They're ruthless. It's all about winning and they don't slow down for anything. I can't let you go out there on a horse that isn't properly trained."

I can see the terror in his eyes but I can't let this go. Pegasus made me feel more complete than I've felt in a long time. Edward doesn't ride, he can't understand this feeling.

"Edward," I say softly as I wrap my arms around his waist. "Look at me."

He sighs and looks down.

"Do you trust me?"

He doesn't answer.

"Edward, I need you to trust me on this. There isn't time to explain now but I need you to know that I know what I'm doing and I fully intend to cross that finish line first. If you think Carlisle and Jasper are competitive when it comes to horse riding, you haven't seen anything yet. I spent a great deal of last night with Pegasus. I know we can do this."

He keeps staring at me with that terrified expression.

"Edward, please, you talk to me about trust...now I'm asking you to trust me…to believe in me."

His gaze softens somewhat.

"I trust you with my life Bella," he whispers. "But it terrifies me thinking of you getting hurt."

"I promise I'll try not to get hurt Edward, but this is a cross country course, one of many things can go wrong at any time for either one of us. But I want you to know there is no way I would be doing this if I had any reservations."

I glance at the clock. I have forty five minutes to be at the starting line.

He sees my anxiety and releases me.

"Be safe," he says simply.

"I will," I answer.


	25. Chapter 25

**One of the Guest reviewers thinks Bella is nuts but that she just might do it. **

**I think Nathalia is having a good laugh at Edward's expense but I think she might be a bit worried about Bella too.**

**Let me just say this…I started taking professional lessons when I was 7 and I've been riding ever since. I've done a course like this bareback, well, it was actually quite a few of us, just for the fun of it. I think we were about twelve and only three made it back without hitting the ground at some or other point…was fun though, a memory I like to carry with me.**

**Okay, enough of my personal crap…let's see what Bella does…**

I jog down the passage to the kitchen.

Seems this is a family thing because everyone is up.

I greet in passing and grab an apple on my way out.

"Bella!" Rose shouts after me and I peek around the door at her.

"Knock 'em dead. I'll see you at the finish line."

I run over to her and kiss her quickly and loudly as Esme, Alice and Emmett laughs.

"She's got that crazy look on her face," I hear Emmett as I run out and I laugh.

I'm greeted by Paul as I head toward the stable.

"Hi Paul," I greet impatiently.

"Jasper had me ready a horse for you." 

"That won't be necessary," I shout as I enter the lone stable.

Pegasus greets me with a friendly snort and goes straight for the apple I offer him.

"No way," I hear Paul behind me. "There's no way in hell Jasper is going to let you take him out on the course."

"Then I'll forfeit," I say as Pegasus lowers his head for the bridle. "I won't do it on any other horse."

He backs down when I lead Pegasus out and mount.

"Fuck Bella, you can't do this without a saddle. You'll kill yourself."

"Watch me," I say with a grin as I head in the direction of the starting line.

Carlisle and Jasper spot me before the others. Everyone else is standing around with a cup of coffee in hand.

Jasper starts shaking his head as I pull up next to Carlisle. I ignore him.

"Good going Kid," Carlisle whispers with a wink and my self-confidence grows even more.

I glance over at the rest. They've spotted me by now. Esme has a twinkle in her eyes, smiling at me proudly. Rose and Alice seem not worried at all as they keep on chatting and sipping their coffee. Emmett looks bored as he yawns, like all he wants to do is get back into bed.

Edward approaches me, anger etched on his face.

"Really Bella?" he almost shouts and Pegasus moves a few steps back, irritated by the intrusion and his tone of voice.

"Bareback? Are you insane? Get off," he commands.

There's a deathly silence in the early morning air as we glare at each other.

"No," I say softly.

"Excuse me?" he says as he takes another step forward.

Pegasus seems to see it as a challenge and takes a step forward too, forcing Edward to retreat.

"I said no, Edward," say more loudly than I intend.

"What are you trying to prove?" he asks. His voice is pleading and angry and scared all rolled into one.

"Nothing," I hit back, angry now too. "I'm doing this because I know I can. And because I need it."

My eyes are begging him to let this go; to not make a scene.

"Edward," Emmett pipes up out of his semi coma, still looking as bored as hell. "Let her go."

Edward turns on Emmett then, fury evident in his stance.

Emmett sees it and hands Rose his coffee, straightening up and walking closer to Edward.

Oh shit.

"Let her go?" Edward seethes. "And what? Have her hurt? Break her neck?"

Emmett is in Edward's face so fast I hardly have time to register it. I expect someone to step in but no one does, although Rose has moved closer to Emmett at the back.

"Don't you think for one second that I'd let my sister do something stupid!" he shouts. "If she says she's okay, then she's okay."

Rose puts her hand on his shoulder and he visibly relaxes. He closes his eyes for a few seconds, taking deep breaths. When he opens them again he seems less murderous.

"Trust goes both ways Edward. She knows her limits and she pushes them frequently, but when it comes to riding, she's never pushed too far. Now I'm asking you for the last time to step down and let her do what she knows best."

They glare at each other in the silence of the rising sun, neither backing down.

"He's right son," Carlisle speaks and Edward looks over at him pained and defeated.

I hate myself for doing this to him…but I can't back down…I'm doing this for myself…because this is one thing I know I'm good enough at.

Edward's gaze shifts to mine and the anger has left his stormy green eyes.

He walks over slowly and eyes Pegasus with fear as he reaches out. To my surprise, Pegasus drops his head towards Edward.

"You keep her safe," he whispers. "Bring her back to me."

I watch him interact with Pegasus even though his terror is obvious. I couldn't love him more right now even if I tried.

He looks up at me then with that look that Rose spoke of.

"See you at the finish line," he says.

"I'll be the first one there," I say cockily, breaking the ice because he gives me that lop sided grin I love so much.

Jasper and Carlisle laugh at that and the seriousness melts away as we start joking with each other.

"Let's get this show on the road," Alice shouts as she claps her hands.

We line up as much as we can next to each other, our horses ready to go.

Carlisle looks stately on a beautiful Palomino gelding while Jasper seems confident and ready to go on Zorro who is slightly smaller than Pegasus in size.

"May the best man win," Jasper says smiling.

"That would be me," Carlisle answers.

"Stop it you two!" I hear Esme from behind but she's giggling as well. "Must we go through this every time?"

Jeez, I can see what Edward meant with the competitiveness.

"Um, you forgot to include woman in your sentence. May the best man _or woman_ win?"

"Sweetie," Jasper laughs. "You're not even in this race."

"Is that how we're going to play it?" I ask laughing back. "Okay, well, let's get going then."

Pegasus' muscles twitch beneath me. He can't wait either.

When Alice shouts go and drops her hands he pulls back for a split second like last night…and then he lets rip.

The course is well marked and after we cross a low river bed I'm more confident than I've been in a long time.

Pegasus and I fit somehow…just like me and Edward.

I'm still behind when we reach a deep ditch and I lean back as Pegasus carefully chooses his footing downhill. As soon as we hit the slope on the other side I tighten my grip in his mane and lean forward, clinging to him with my legs. Having a saddle would have definitely made that part a bit easier.

At the top I see a long stretch of clear ground before us. Carlisle is quite a bit behind Jasper and I take the gap. Pegasus lets loose and his lightning fast gallop takes us past Carlisle as we head into a dense forest. I pull on the reins, forcing him into a casual trot as we navigate the trees, following the markings.

Before I know it we're clear of the wooded area and I spot Jasper up ahead as I spur Pegasus on once more.

My nerves bit at my insides when I spot a tree stump we have to jump but I worry for nothing. Pegasus clears it with the grace and guts of a seasoned show jumper.

"Way to go Boy," I shout as we land on the other side.

Two more jumps around sharp corners have me just behind Jasper.

He glances over his shoulder, seeming a bit surprised when he spots me. I think he was expecting Carlisle who is not too far behind me at this point.

"How goes little Sis?" he shouts into the wind.

"Never better!" I shout breathless.

In all honesty, my ass is killing me and my things are in agony. I haven't ridden for so long and the current state of my body is not helping.

My fingers throb as they old onto the reins and I start feeling faint.

"You can do this," I tell myself after we clear a good couple more jumps and sprint through a shallow river. "Almost there."

Jasper is still leading and I can hear Carlisle right behind me as we take the final stretch home. I can see everyone at the finish line but my eyes are blurry and I fight against the darkness trying to pull me down.

I lean forward, tired as well.

"This is it Pegasus," I say. "There are no second chances here. Let's do this."

I dig deep within myself as I feel him respond and his gallop becomes that much faster…almost impossibly so.

Jasper and I are neck on neck but while he's laughing I can hardly breathe.

Almost at the end Pegasus pulls out all the stops as he passes Jasper and Zorro and thunders across the finish line first.

I pull him back into a trot, my head lying on his mane. I know I have to cool him down but I don't know how long I can hold on.

"Bella," I hear Edward and without me steering him Pegasus rounds and moves toward him.

"You did it Baby! You won!" I can hear the pride in his voice.

I want to smile but I can't. I can't feel my body.

"Bella?" I hear Edward's voice turn anxious.

It's the last thing I hear before I give in to the darkness.


	26. Chapter 26

**Nathalia is not very happy with Bella at the moment.**

**Candadiantwilight summed it up in two words that says it all: OH NO – haha, agree with you there!**

**Leibeezer worries that Edward won't let Bella ride Pegasus again.**

**But Abm550 summed it up perfectly – What would Bella be without 'high octane drama' in her life – mwa…love you for that one!**

**Me, I'm just worried that I had to cut this chapter where I did…I think some are going to be very upset with me. It was just going to go too long so I'm really sorry about that…but at least it will give you something to think about…**

I wake to a throbbing ache keeping my body hostage.

I hope my eyes slowly to darkness.

Edward is lying next to me, still fully dressed. Although he's asleep there's deep frown marring his handsome face. It strikes a nerve because I know I've put it there.

I reach out my fingers even though it hurts something fierce, managing to touch his hand.

He jolts awake and as he looks at me I see how relief floods his system.

"Bella," he breathes.

"Hi," I manage with a small smile. My voice is croaky and hardly there.

He jumps up and runs to open the bedroom door.

"Dad!" he yells and I hear another door open almost instantly and fast approaching footsteps.

"She's awake," I hear him say as Carlisle hurries into the room.

"Bella," Carlisle says softly as he sits down next to me. "You gave us quite a scare young lady. Mind if I take your vitals?"

I shake my head and he proceeds to check and push and prod me all over.

"What's wrong with me?" I ask anxiously.

He smiles as he holds my hand.

"You're fine Bella. Your body is still recuperating from a two week shut down. I think today was just a little too much a little too fast. Nothing to worry about."

A current of excitement runs through my body for a second and I look at him, my smile as wide as it can go.

"I won," I say.

"That you did," he chuckles. "Quite a show you put on today and bareback no less on an almost wild horse. I'm very proud of you."

Edward groans and I look over at him.

"Stop it with the encouragement Dad," he says to Carlisle who waves him off.

"Why does it hurt so much," I groan as I try to sit up.

"With you being so weak, I think it was just over exertion and a case of not having ridden for so long."

He picks up three bottles of pills on the bedside table.

"Some vitamins that I want you to take every morning without fail," he says sternly.

"Yes sir," I reply.

"And this is just some painkillers. It'll take the edge off."

"Thank you Carlisle."

"Only a pleasure Bella. Do you want to see anyone right now?"

"No, please tell them I'm okay and I'll see them in the morning. I'm really tired. I think I'll just grab some pain killers and go to sleep again."

"Okay, I'll do that. Good night Bella."

"Good night Carlisle."

He squeezes Edward's shoulder as he passes him and closes the door behind him.

Edward doesn't move.

"Edward? Talk to me, please."

He runs his hand through his hair in frustration. I know how that hair feels through my fingers, I want to touch it.

"Fuck Bella," he says. "I don't know how I feel right now. I'm so pissed at you. But what you did today was also so damn amazing."

I smile at that.

"Do you still love me?" I ask innocently.

He immediately comes over and sits next to me.

"Don't ever ask me that again," he says seriously. "I'll never stop loving you."

"Never?" I ask playfully and his mood seems to brighten a little.

"Never."

"Even when I'm old and wrinkly?" I ask, scrunching up my nose and he laughs softly.

"Not even then."

"I'm sorry about today," I admit. "I didn't realize I was this fragile. I was feeling fine. I would never have done the course if I felt I couldn't."

"I'm just glad I was there to catch your fall. I was so scared. Pegasus just about lost it when you fell off. Took Paul and Jasper both to get him into one of the paddocks."

"Is he okay?" I ask worriedly, making to get up, but Edward pushes me back down.

"He's fine Bella. I was there earlier on. I think he'll be better when he sees you tomorrow though. Just please, no riding again. Carlisle said he might take you out a little tomorrow afternoon if you're feeling up to it, but nothing strenuous. We just can't risk it right now."

I know he's right but my heart breaks a little. We only have the weekend.

He reads my mind.

"Pegasus isn't going anywhere Baby. And we can come back any time you want."

I nod sadly.

"We can always stay a day or two longer," he offers.

"No, I can't," I sigh. "I have to get back to the real world. The restaurant needs taking care of and I trust Rose entirely but it's my baby, you know."

He nods. "I understand. Then we'll do that."

I stretch lazily and my muscles ache worse.

"Ow," I groan, laughing.

I realize then that I'm in my pajamas.

"Did you undress me in my sleep?" I ask with a naughty smirk.

"As much as I love you naked, I rather enjoy you naked and responsive," he says as he starts undressing. "So no, I asked Rose and Alice to do it."

"What time is it?"

He looks at his watch. "Almost nine o'clock."

"Jeez, I was out that long?" I ask as I take two pain killers out of the bottle.

"You were comatose. Like in totally gone. It freaked me out. I've been having my dad check on you every hour. He assured me you were okay but indulged me nonetheless."

He gets into bed next to me and pulls me closer. I lay my head on his chest, his arm wrapped securely around my waist.

"By the way, you're going to have to deal with a very put out Jasper tomorrow. He's not a very good loser."

I giggle before a yawn overtakes me.

Edward kisses my head gently.

"Sleep now Baby," he whispers into my hair. "Dream of Pegasus with wings…taking you to the skies."

And I do just that.

.

.

.

I wake up hot and bothered. Most of the aches are gone, replaced by a familiar ache between my legs.

I sit up and check my mobile; it's two in the morning.

I look over at Edward, fast asleep and I sigh in frustration.

I get up and drink some water before standing at the open patio doors for a while, the cool breeze playing with my hair and giving my hot skin some relief.

Back in bed I roll around for a while until I can't take it anymore. My body is on fire…for Edward.

He's lying on his back, his arm half flung over his eyes and forehead.

I strip before slowly climbing onto him. His body is hot beneath me. I lean over and pull his arm from his face.

He stirs slightly and I lean over, my mouth touching his, my tongue licking along the seams.

His eyes are still closed but slowly he starts responding and as his tongue touches mine his hands grip my ass deliciously and he presses into me from below, the fabric of his pants grazing me right where I need it and I moan into his mouth.

"Fuck," I whisper as he forces me hips to swivel against him. He's already rock hard and ready for me.

"Bella," he whispers at my ear. "We shouldn't be doing this." But he sounds like he's trying to convince himself more than me.

"I have a suggestion," I say as I kiss down his chest, his defined abs and pull his pants down his legs.

"And what's that?" he asks, breathless already.

I hover over him, holding him in my hand, stroking him slowly.

"I suggest," I say as I lick him from top to bottom in one slow motion. "That we forget about what happened yesterday for just a little while so I can do this..." I suck him into my mouth and release him again, watching his eyes go black.

"Bella," he groans, "You're killing me…"

"Then let me watch you die," I whisper as I take him in as far as I can go. He tastes exquisite…oriental…sugar and spice and everything nice.


	27. Chapter 27

**Abm550 – You crack me up…you seriously made my day.**

**Nathalia – Sorry for making you wait…I almost posted this chapter yesterday…**

**Stupidlamb2010 thinks Bella is feeling a helluva lot better…I agree!**

**I'm not sure but I think we're heading into the final stretch…saying that, I really have no idea at this moment how many more chapters we're looking at but I think I just have to tie up some loose ends and that's it…**

_Previously…_

"_Bella," he groans, "You're killing me…"_

"_Then let me watch you die," I whisper as I take him in as far as I can go. He tastes exquisite…oriental…sugar and spice and everything nice._

Edward's one hand moves to my hair and his fingers tangle in it as I continue my onslaught.

"Bella, God…"

He sounds like he's praying, begging for something but he's not sure what. It spurs me on and before I know it he seems to get even harder in my mouth.

Suddenly he flips us and I'm caught under his sculptured body. I want to move but his hand grips my hip, forcing me to stop.

"Please," he pleads. "Just give me a minute." He's breathless and wanting, just like me.

I still under him, his forearms next to my face, his hands in my hair.

"I love you Edward," I say before softly kissing him.

"I'll never get tired of hearing you say that," he whispers against my lips.

"Then I'll never get tired of saying it," I whisper back.

We kiss slowly and sensually for what seems like an eternity. He whispers against my lips, saying things that pull at my heart, that creep into my soul. He's perfect to me. In such a short time, I already realize that no one will ever fill me up inside like Edward does.

He sits up on his knees between my legs and I bend to the side, grabbing a condom from my bag on the night stand.

I hand it over and watch him watching me as he puts it on.

"God," I whisper, looking down at his working hands. "I can't wait to have you bareback."

"I'm clean Bella," he says honestly. "I have regular tests and I haven't been with anyone since my last test except you."

"I'm not worried about you Edward," I say as he leans forward, hovering over me in that protective way I can't get enough of.

"I'm worried about me. I'm on birth control and always was with Jacob. We never used condoms and since finding out about his affair, I'm really worried. What if it wasn't the only one…and I don't know who Leah has been with."

He nods. "Point taken," he says. "Why don't we head down to the clinic in Darling on Monday after you spend some time at the restaurant? Let's put your mind at ease."

I nod.

"And then," he whispers before licking my lower lip. "Then I can fuck you anyway I want…whenever I want…wherever I want."

I tilt my hips up as I moan.

"I love it when you talk like that," I breathe.

He leans forward, enters me inch by sinful inch and stares at me like he never has…Emmett's look at Rose has nothing on this one.

"Just remember one thing Bella," he says softly as I push my fingers through his unruly hair, the velvetiness of it not lost on me.

"No matter how many times I use the word fuck when we're like this," he says as he starts pushing forward, my body stretching with a delightful ache to accommodate him. "Just remember that I'm always making love to you. That I'll never love anyone ever again as much as I love you. You're my beginning and end Bella, my high and my low. I'll never want to be with anyone, in any way, as much as I want you every single fucking second of every day."

As silence falls over us I lift my legs over his hips, opening up a little more and he pushes so far into me I can taste him on the inside.

We make love…really make love. We can't stop telling each other how much we love each other…how right we are together…how this was meant to be.

And maybe a few days ago I had a hard time believing that I could fall for someone so hard and fast and completely…but now…here with Edward like this…I don't doubt what we have for a second.

What Jake did to me, it was meant to happen that way, because after all the years I was with Jake, he never made me feel this loved, this complete.

I had to hurt first to find this ecstasy. It's just how it had to be.

A strange but intense feeling hits me from inside like a freight train. I feel on track and derailed at the same time…like I'm being pieced together but coming loose at the seams all at once.

I grip Edward's perfect ass in my hands and push him harder and faster because I have to, my body is giving me no choice in the matter.

He's reared up again and we can't break eye contact. I stare straight into his eyes as my entire body starts trembling viciously…and then I explode from the inside out, wave after wave of pleasure washes over me every time he pushes back in and hits that spot I never knew existed.

"Fuck," he whispers hoarsely. "You are the most beautiful creature I've ever seen in my life."

And then he loses it with me.

I'm a bit disorientated but I'm vaguely aware of him pulling out of me and getting rid of the condom before I'm in his arms again.

My heart is beating fast…too fast...but I've never felt this satisfied in my life.

"Baby," he asks worriedly. "Are you okay? Should I call my dad?"

I shake my head lazily.

"No," I say softly. "I've never felt this good in all my life."

He chuckles as he pulls me closer, my head once again on his chest and I'm starting to think this must be my favorite place on earth, right here, in his arms.

"Okay Baby. I love you," he whispers.

"Not more than me," I hit back softly.

I think he says something after that but I can't remember. I fall into a safe; peaceful sleep wrapped up in the man I now know was made for me.

.

.

.

I'm just out of the shower when Edward stirs and I look around as I pull my shirt over my head to see him watching me with his signature lop sided grin.

"Morning Baby," he yawns. "What time is it?"

"A little after six."

"Bella," he moans as he pushes the pillow onto his face. "It's too early," he mumbles.

I laugh and jump onto the bed next to him and I pull the pillow from his face.

"Poor Baby," I smile down at him. "I'm sorry for waking you but you forget I was comatose for something like 13 hours. Plus the work out I had last night sort of shocked my tired body back into the present. I haven't felt this good in years."

"Glad I had something to do with that," he smirks.

"Edward," I say as I shake my head smiling. "You have everything to do with that. Besides the fact that you love me so unconditionally, I can't begin to explain what happened last night. I've never had an orgasm like that before. You know," I say shyly. "From the inside."

His smile is a million miles wide as he pushes a stray lock of hair behind my ear.

"Another first we're sharing," he says.

"Another first," I reply. "I never want to have another first with anyone but you Edward, never."

"That's good to know," he says as he sits up and strokes my cheek. "Because if I think of another man seeing you as I saw you last night, I feel like killing someone."

I lean over giggling and kiss him softly.

"I'm going to jump in the shower," he says as I pull back. "Meet you downstairs?"

"Yeah," I say. "We're leaving early tomorrow morning so let's make the most of today."

"Agreed," he grins as he disappears into the bathroom and I head downstairs.


	28. Chapter 28

**I'm a bit strapped for time today so I'll just get to it...I'll chat in next chapter.**

**xoxo**

When I get to the kitchen I seem I'm not the only one awake.

"Bella," Rose says as she gets up from the counter and grabs me to her in that painful way I love so much.

"I'm okay Rose," I promise.

"I know," she says as she let's go. "Carlisle spoke to us all last night. But you scared the shit out of me and Emmett. Stop fucking doing that Bella. I feel like I've aged fifty years in the last couple of weeks.

"I didn't know Rose," I say. "You know I would never have risked myself like that."

"I know," she says, sighing as she sits down. "It's just, it's been hard on us Bella, and we love you so much. Your brother would lose it if something happened to you."

Before I can answer Alice pipes up and I remember her being there when I came in.

"As do we Bella," she says as she walks over to us. "I know we can't ever love you as much as Emmett and Rose do, but we love you nonetheless. You're family now," she says with tears in her eyes. "All of you are, and family is what we Cullens live for."

She pulls both Rose and I into a hug and we stand like that for a while.

They go back to drinking coffee as I stand toying with a Granny Smith in my hand.

Eventually Alice sighs dramatically and looks over at me.

"Go Bella."

"Where?" I ask as if I have no clue what she's talking about yet I'm itching to get out there.

"You know exactly where."

I smile broadly at them before heading for the door. As I open it, I hear Alice behind me.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"No riding. Please."

"Okay," I say. I remember my promise to Edward. I'll have to wait for Carlisle's go ahead first.

I scan the paddocks and spot him quickly. How can I not? As majestic as he is, he's like a rose that grew from the concrete.

He spots me too as I start running towards the gate and he neighs loudly as he moves from a slow walk to a trot. We meet each other there.

I swear he's looking at me in disapproval and I laugh at him. I hold out the apple and he immediately changes his attitude, going for it with vigor.

"Simple minded, are we?" I ask sarcastically.

He lifts his head as he chews the last piece and that look is back.

"Faker," I laugh at him. "You know you love me."

He snorts and I smile as I grab the halter from the pole and open the gate. He lowers his head and I slip it over, securing it below his throat.

We take a leisurely stroll side by side and I realize quite a bit later that Edward must be finished already. I feel horrible that we've had so little time together and I'm just about to take Pegasus back when I hear a gentle voice behind me.

"You're itching to get on that horse, aren't you?"

I turn around and see Carlisle and Esme walking up to me, hand in hand. The love they have for each other shines brighter than the rising sun.

I chuckle. "Yes," I admit. "I am."

I hug Esme first and then Carlisle, who doesn't let go totally, placing his fingers on my pulse and keeping an eye on his watch.

Esme smiles at me indulgently, asking me silently to accept his worries.

"Better than last night," he says as he let's go. "Did you take your vitamins?"

I nod.

"Eat yet?"

Shit, I forgot that part. I shake my head.

"Well," he says. "How about you put that beast back where he belongs and we get something to eat before I decide your fate?"

Esme laughs and nudges him from the side. "Don't tease her," she admonishes.

"Okay, okay," he laughs. "I couldn't help it. But seriously, let's get up to the main house. I'm starving."

They walk with me to the paddock and Pegasus looks upset when I close the gate behind me.

"I'll be back soon," I whisper, kissing him on his nose.

"You do realize that's a semi wild horse, don't you Bella?" Esme asks as we walk back.

"Not wild Esme, just misunderstood. I can relate, I feel like that a lot of time."

She smiles that smile that only a mother can and pulls me into her other side as we walk.

We have a lovely chat on the way back. They ask questions about the restaurant which I answer enthusiastically and I learn a bit more about them as well. Talking about the restaurant makes me realize how much I miss it.

As we enter the big farm house kitchen, we start laughing at the scene before us.

Emmett's face is covered in egg and Alice is on his back, trying to tickle him but her short arms just won't reach.

Edward, Jasper and Rose are in fits of laughter.

"Someone care to fill us in?" Esme asks laughing.

Alice and Emmett stop their squabble instantly when they hear her voice and Alice let's go, Emmett holding onto her arms until her feet touch the ground.

"She started it!" Emmett accuses, pointing at Edward's pixie sister.

"Did not," she pouts, folding her arms across her chest which has everyone laughing again.

"Did too!" Emmett shouts indignantly. "You can't just come in and take over someone's cooking," he sulks. "You just can't."

"But you were going to burn the bacon!" she shouts.

"Was not."

"Was too."

"Was not."

"Was…"

"Enough!" Carlisle shouts in mock anger, yet he still has a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.

Everyone stills at once and the laughter subsides.

"Alice, are you poking your nose in where it doesn't belong again?" Carlisle asks.

"But Dad," she whines like a teenager and Jasper puts his hand over his mouth to stifle a laugh.

"No buts young lady," he says. "Was Emmett preparing breakfast for us?"

"Yes," she says softly.

"And what is the rule in this family?" he asks bored, as if they've had this conversation a million times.

"Don't always think you know best and give others a chance to do things in the way that they do them and just maybe you'll learn something you didn't know."

She recites it like a six year old reciting a poem and Jasper is close to breaking point.

"There we go Sweetheart," Carlisle says as he sits down at the head of the table. "Now Emmett," he says as he looks over to my hulk of a brother still covered in egg. "How's that breakfast coming along? I'm starving!"

"Yes Sir!" Emmett shouts as he salutes Carlisle. He sticks his tongue out at Alice in childishness before he continues cooking.

And then Jasper can't hold it anymore. His hearty laugh fills the kitchen and adjacent dining room to the ceiling.

Alice gives him a wicked glare, one of promised punishment to come…and then no one can contain it anymore and we all break into laughter.

Before long Alice starts smiling and before we know it my grizzly brother has picked her up off her feet and hugged the shit out of her before putting her down and they're cooking breakfast together.

Edward and Jasper join us at the table as we watch them.

It's like we've known each other all our lives. This group of people I see is no longer two families, but one…and it makes me that much more happy.

I finally look over at a smiling Jasper as he watches Alice with adoration.

"So Jazz," I say casually, leaning towards him. "How does it feel that you were beaten by someone that wasn't in the race to begin with?"

His smile disappears and his gaze fixes on me. Silence has replaced the happy chatter from a few seconds ago.

"You just had to throw that in there, didn't you?" Edward asks as he shakes his head. He too is looking at Jasper.

We're all waiting, but Jasper doesn't say anything. After about half a minute of waiting he gets up and rounds the table, holding his hand out to me.

I take it and he pulls me up.

"Congratulations," he says softly. "And welcome to the family."

He pulls me in for a hug and I can't help the goofy smile that spreads on my face and the happy tears that escape my eyes.

"Thank you," I whisper into his chest.

He lets go and gives me a meaningful look before walking to join Alice in the kitchen, who also has tears in her eyes.

As I sit down he talks again.

"Oh Bella?"

I look around and he has an evil grin on his gorgeous face.

"Don't think that's happening again. There will be a rematch."

"Oh dear God," Carlisle pipes up and it's laughs all around again.

Can live get any better than this?


	29. Chapter 29

**Hi All,**

**I still don't have a lot of time but let me just quickly thank everyone for the reviews, pm's and then to every single person who is following and favoring my story, you guys mean the world to me.**

**Nathalia loved the interaction with the family. I'm glad; I was a bit worried you guys would see it as a non-essential chapter.**

**Leibeezer loved that Alice was put in her place…haha…me too. That doesn't happen very often, does it?**

**Okay, get to it…I'm snowed under on my side.**

**Have a lovely weekend!**

We have a lovely breakfast. Various conversations are made and stories are told. We all meet each other half way, giving and taking. Offering and begging information at the same time.

I lean back at one stage with Edward's arm around my back, watching the heartwarming scene before me. Especially Emmett and Rose who seems to drink in the family vibe. I realize that being without parents has been just as hard on them as it has on me.

Before long Edward leans forward and whispers in my ear.

"You feel it too?" he asks.

I know he's feeling what I'm feeling; we're so in tune with each other it astonishes me.

"Yes," I mouth to him, not wanting to take my eyes off the love all around.

"Me too Baby. Me too."

The emotion in his voice makes me have no choice but to look at him then.

We don't have to say anything else. What we have to say to each other doesn't need words.

We go for a proper tour of the farm after breakfast. Jasper has Paul hitch the trailer to the tractor and we slowly make our way through.

Besides the equine aspect there are vineyards that take your breath away over the hills and yonder that I didn't see before. He speaks excitedly about the organic aspect of farming and how everything we see is free of chemicals and pesticides.

I love his passion and so does everyone else, drinking in his every word.

Alice never stops staring at him with unbridled love and respect and I can't help but feel butterflies in my stomach every time he notices is and quietly acknowledges it. A simple look…a simple touch shows the devoted love they have for each other. It's addictive.

We decide to have a braai the evening and the ladies decide to make the salads early afternoon so we can join the guys outside later.

I just finish washing my hands when Carlisle comes in with a not so happy looking Edward.

"So," he says as I dry my hands. "You want to take that relaxing ride we were discussing?"

I look from him to Edward who has a very troubled expression on his face.

"Only if Edward joins us."

He shakes his head.

"No way Bella. You know how I feel."

"Please Edward. Just a walk, I promise. And you can ride with me."

He seems in two minds and I pounce, walking over and wrapping my arms around his waist.

"I promise to not let you fall," I say sweetly as I look up at him.

Carlisle bursts out laughing.

"You have a very dangerous woman in your arms there Edward," he chuckles. "How can you say no to that?"

"How indeed," Edward asks, still staring at me, a small smile on his lips.

"I'll tell you what," Carlisle says. "Why don't we all go? Does Emmett and Rose ride?"

"Just a little."

"That's enough. I'll go talk to Paul, get the calmer horses for everyone else and we'll just take a leisurely ride okay?"

"I'd like that every much," I say smiling.

We both look at Edward, waiting for his answer.

He sighs and runs his hand through that hair I can't wait to touch.

"Yeah, I guess it's okay if I'm riding with Bella."

I jump up and down with happiness and they laugh.

Carlisle walks out to go and talk to Paul and I pull Edward behind me, up the stairs because I need to kiss him so badly right now. I know how scared he is, yet he's putting all his faith in me to keep him safe.

Once we're inside the room I shut the door and push him down on the bed, straddling him. He doesn't protest and I weave my fingers through his hair as I claim his mouth.

Edward takes my face in his hands and tilts my head back slightly, angling my neck towards him as his mouth nips softly at my pulse.

"I want you so bad right now," I say as I grind against him.

"Then take me," he breathes against my neck. "I'm yours."

"Edward," I say as I get up and slowly undress. "You have no idea what it does to me when you say things like that. To know how much you love me, it's something else."

He gets up and undresses too, slowly, keeping pace with me. "I can't help it," he says. "I can't help but tell you how I feel."

We're naked, facing each other; I'm battling to breath by just looking at him. Perfection.

His hands reach out and wrap around my ass as he lifts me and I wrap my legs around him. He kisses me senseless as he pushes me up against the wall and my hands move to his shoulders for leverage.

"Do you want me to fuck you against this wall?" he asks, his voice husky and sexy and I moan.

"Yes." I want it so badly.

"Hold on Baby," he says as he lifts me and slowly lets me down over him, filling me as only he can.

He's not gentle as he drives into me, my back pinned against the wall as he pushes me closer and closer to the edge.

It's not long before everything inside me pulls tight and my orgasm takes over my every sense.

"That's it Baby," Edward breathes as he watches me come. "Fuck, I love watching you come."

His pace fastens and his one hand comes up and grips my breast as he comes inside of me.

Inside of me. I can feel it.

Fuck.

No condom.

My whole body tenses and he immediately stills, looking at me with concern.

"Bella, are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

I shake my head but push at him slightly. He's confused and seems wounded as he puts me down on unsteady legs.

"Baby, talk to me, you're scaring me," he pleads.

"No condom Edward."

He stares at me for a few seconds and lets out a sigh of relief.

"Thank God. I thought I'd hurt you."

"Edward, you know I have to go for a test. This was totally irresponsible of us."

He pulls me with him and I fall down on the bed with him, facing him.

"Baby," he says before kissing me softly. "I know you have concerns and I agree that this was stupid of us, but honestly, it's not like we ignored the obvious on purpose. We just got carried away. You're going for a test tomorrow so let's not get too carried away by dwelling on it right now. Okay?"

I look at him for strength and I find it there, in his eyes, laid bare for me to see, to take, to use.

I nod.

"Okay. Yes, you're right. There's nothing we can do about it now."

"Agreed. Now, before my dad walks in here and catches us naked, I guess we should get dressed and head back down for that ride you promised me."

I laugh at that. "I thought I just gave you a ride?" I say sarcastically as I get up and he swats my ass.

"Cheeky," he jokes and I blow him a kiss before heading into the bathroom.

Down at the stables I adjust Roses' stirrups once she's on. She's looking at me with a wicked grin.

"You look thoroughly fucked Bella," she says.

"Rose, quiet," I say, shaking my head.

"She does, doesn't she?" Alice says behind me and they laugh. "Glad to know my brother can rise to the occasion."

They almost fall off their horses as they laugh, Rose leaning over and giving Alice a high five.

I groan.

"Guys, please, keep it down," I beg.

"What's so funny," Emmett asks as he steers closer to us on a lovely big Friesian mare called Shadow.

"Nothing," I say, glaring at Rose and Alice who are still laughing as I walk over to Pegasus.

Everyone else is already mounted and I look over at Esme who looks positively regal on yet another Palomino next to Carlisle.

I mount with ease, again bareback, and look down at Edward.

I hold out my hand.

"Come on Edward," I encourage. "Just a little jump and you're up."

He looks petrified and my heart breaks for him. Pegasus turns his neck and also looks at Edward and I swear he's trying to encourage him as well as he nods his head up and down a few times.

"You can do this Edward. I've got you," I whisper so only he can hear.

He stares at me for another few seconds before he sighs, making up his mind and grabbing hold of my forearm, he agilely mounts behind me. Pegasus hasn't moved, which I'm grateful for as Edward adjusts himself behind me, wrapping his one arm around my waist.

"Now don't go falling off again Edward," Jasper laughs as he takes the lead.

"Shut it," Edward says strained behind me and I rest my arm over his around my waist, holding onto his hand and steering Pegasus around to follow the rest.

He leans forward and whispers in my ear.

"Don't let me go Baby," he says and I can hear the unease in his voice.

"I'll never let you go Edward."

He kisses my neck and lays his chin on my shoulder as we turn into one of the vineyards.

He must have heard the meaning behind my words because his arm is squeezing me just a little tighter than before.

.


	30. Chapter 30

**Wow, just finished this chapter and eager to post so I won't keep you.**

**I'm still quite busy but I'm also glad I'm managing to push this story regardless.**

**Wall sex…Edward…yes, I've been thinking about it myself all weekend.**

**I'll thank everyone in the next chapter.**

**Xoxo **

We take a leisurely ride through the vineyards. We all laugh and joke and chat and by the time we're heading back I can feel Edward has totally relaxed behind me.

I lean back with my head on his shoulder.

"Did you know that Friesian's originated in Friesland in the Netherlands?" I ask Edward.

"No. Tell me more."

"It's believed that ancestors of the Friesian's were used as ware horses in the early and high middle ages. Because of their size it wasn't difficult for them to carry a knight in heavy armor. It's sad to think that on more than one occasion, the breed nearly became extinct. They're very popular now though, used in harness and under saddle. They're even used in dressage."

"How come you know so much about horses," Edward asks.

I shrug. "I've just always been interested. I didn't just want to ride when I was younger; I wanted to know everything I possibly could. I remember my dad buying me every book he could get his hands on at that time. I still have them all."

I think he hears the sadness in my voice because he holds me too him a little tighter.

"You miss them," he states.

"Every day. It's a bit easier after so long but it doesn't go away."

"I love you."

"I love you too Edward."

Back at the stables Paul takes charge to tend to the horses and everyone walks back up to the main house while Edward hangs back with me.

"I'll feed him Bella, if you can just get him into the paddock," Paul shouts over his shoulder.

"No problem," I answer.

"Do you want to lead him?" I ask as I hold the reins out to Edward.

"Okay," he says without hesitating and grabs them from me and I smile to myself as I watch him walk up close to Pegasus.

The black giant seems to be in a playful mood as he pushes his face into Edward's as they walk.

"Cut that out," he laughs as he gently pushes back at him.

"Made a new friend?" I ask.

"Yeah, it seems so doesn't it?"

In the paddock I show Edward how to untie the chin strap and slide the bridle from Pegasus' face.

I close the paddock gate and as I turn Edward is right there in front of me, his arms moving around me and clasping the gate. I'm trapped willingly against his chest.

"Thank you Bella. You calmed a fear inside of me today."

I smile up at him.

"I want to do that for you Edward…calm every fear you have. Because that's what you do for me every day."

He leans down slowly as I move my face up to meet him. Our lips meet in a soft, loving and gentle kiss and I want to cry with how much emotion there is between us.

A wild neigh from behind has us turning and find Pegasus looking at us indignantly.

Edward laughs. "Guess he's jealous."

"Horses can't be jealous Edward," I huff as we start walking away, hand in hand.

"That one is, I guarantee it. Did you see the look he gave me?"

I'm still laughing and teasing him when we get to the main house.

A freshly showered Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper are starting the fire.

"The women gave us first option seeing as though we have to do the fire," Carlisle says. "They're showering now."

"You go up quickly Edward," I say as I sit down next to Emmett. "I'll go when you're done."

"What?" he says, his turn for teasing now, a twinkle in his eye. "You're not joining me?"

"Edward!" Emmett shouts. "Please, I don't need any more visions in my head."

"Sorry Emmett," he says but we're all laughing.

"More visions?" Jasper asks inquisitively as Edward goes inside.

"Oh yes, you don't know," I say.

"Bella," Emmett warns. "We promised never to speak of it again."

"Oooh, now we're totally curious. Please, do tell," Jasper says.

"I'm sorry Grizzly," I say as I look over at my brother. "But this is one of those stories that need telling. Besides, if you think about it, it is quite funny."

"I'll go check on Rose," he says as he gets up. "I really can't listen to this."

He leaves and I proceed to tell Jasper and Carlisle about what happened. When Alice comes down they are in fits of laughter and then she wants to know as well.

Emmett, Rose, Esme and Edward all come out together and then Esme wants to know. Emmett groans but before I can tell her Rose animatedly retells the story. Her point of view gives me an outsiders' perspective, which has me in stiches with everyone else. I laugh almost the entire time I'm in the shower. I love being happy. These people do that to me.

The evening is a spirited one. It's like we all know we're going our separate paths tomorrow and trying to make the best of it.

The young crowd is drinking quite a lot and about half an hour after dinner Carlisle and Esme say their good nights.

"I can't stomach much of Alice when she's had one too many," Esme whispers in my ear. "Too loud."

I giggle and hug her good night.

As soon as they're up the stairs Jasper comes walking out with a bottle of tequila and Rose follows him with lemon slices and salt.

"Okay guys, the parents have been put to bed, let the fun begin."

I groan and drop my head on Edward's shoulder.

"What's wrong Baby?" he asks worriedly.

"Tequila. My worst nightmare."

"Why?"

Before I can say anything Rose pipes up.

"She gets kind of stupid," Rose laughs. "But in a good way. Don't let her con you into not making her drink a few."

Edward leans over and whispers in my ear. "Stupid hey? That could get interesting."

"You have no idea," I moan.

We all take a shot and Alice insists in us telling our most embarrassing moments.

"You all know mine already," Edward says. "Jasper made sure of that."

"Okay, you're out," Alice says. "Rose?"

"Oh God," I whisper.

"So, one night Bella and I got really drunk at the club and decided to dance on the bar counter. A few of our friends joined us and we were all like Coyote Ugly and stuff when my foot slipped on the bar counter and if Emmett wasn't standing there, I would have totally fallen flat on my face."

"Gosh, that is embarrassing," Alice laughs. "Emmett, your turn."

"Oh, that's easy. There's was this stray dog that kept on turning our bin around in the middle of the night to scratch for food. It was a pain to clean the next morning. So I heard him in the middle of the night and grabbed my shot gun. He spotted me when I opened the back door and I ran after him to the front lawn and fired a shot into the air to scare him away. What I forgot was that I was totally naked and with the shooting all the neighbors came running out to see what the commotion was all about. Yeah, never quite lived that one down."

"Neither did the neighbors," I snort, remembering his embarrassment and how all the ladies in their street teased him about it mercilessly for weeks.

Another round of tequila and it's my turn.

"She's boring," Emmett says. "She doesn't have embarrassing moments…oh…except for the one she already blabbed out earlier."

"There must be something," Alice laughs. "Bella?"

I shake my head. "I think I'll just pass this one," I say softly.

Thank goodness Alice gets the hint because she moves on to her and Jasper and everyone's attention shifts to them. Well, everyone except Edward.

"I'm here if you need to talk Bella," Edward says softly. He can see I'm a bit uncomfortable.

"I'm fine Edward. I just need to deal." It comes out a bit more harshly than I want it to.

I sit for another few minutes listening to stories that I wish were mine.

"That's me guys," I say as I get up. "Sorry, I guess I'm not totally up to scratch yet," I try and joke.

"You okay?" Emmett asks as he eyes me.

"I'm fine, just tired. See you guys in the morning."

I hug everyone and kiss Edward lightly on the cheek before I go to our bedroom.

I'm in my underwear looking for one of Edward's t-shirts when I hear the door open and close behind me.

"Bella," I hear Edwards' voice.

I turn around.

"I told you I'm fine Edward."

"Well I'm not buying it. I want to know what's wrong. Please."


	31. Chapter 31

**Still a bit busy but just to everyone that has followed/favorited my story...again, I can't tell you how much it means to me.**

**Leibeezer, Nathalia, Abm550 - you guys rock!**

**Okay, more next time...I just managed to get this out...**

**Just a quick note, I'm battling to keep head above water here. I mentioned at the start of this story that updates could possibly only be once a week. Although I doubt it will come to that, there might be a day or two inbetween. I'll try my best to not let that happen. Just know that this story is my priority and I will keep pushing for daily updates.**

I'm irritated as I look at him. I don't want to talk about this. Why does he always push so damn hard. I know the answer. Because he loves me. Right now I wish he loved me just a little less, because I don't know how to explain this.

"What do you want me to say Edward? That most of my embarrassing moments were with Jake? Should I tell you about how I slipped and got a bruised cheek while trying to blow him in the shower?"

"Stop it," Edward's voice softly wafts to me on the cool breeze coming in from the patio doors.

"Or how I kissed his nose instead of his mouth the first night we went out?"

"Bella, please…"

"Oh, wait, how about the time he was undressing me…"

I don't get further than that because Edward has me pinned against the wall, both of our breathing labored.

"I don't want to know those things Bella," he says angrily.

"Well then what do you want to know? Tell me so I can tell you."

He shoves away from me and I fold my arms around my stomach, watching his back and the way his hand moves through his hair.

"Or maybe I can tell you how embarrassed I was when you opened the door and found me soaking wet on your doorstep on the island," I say softly.

He doesn't turn around, but his face turns sideways slightly. I know he's paying attention.

"Or how embarrassed I was when you found me having a panic attack on the floor in your passage."

I move closer and tentatively touch his back softly with my fingers. I can feel his muscles flex under them.

I walk around, not taking my hand off him, my fingers gliding over his shoulder to his chest.

"Or how embarrassed I was when you found me sobbing in your kitchen."

He's looking at me now, his eyes sad and lustful and angry, so many emotions rolled into those green irises.

"Maybe I can tell you about how embarrassed I was the first time you saw me naked. About how I felt I wasn't good enough."

I move back from him a few steps, taking time to undo the front clasp to my bra before slowly taking it off and dropping it on the floor.

The sadness isn't in his eyes anymore, all lust, with a hint of anger.

"Thing is Edward," I whisper as I close the gap between us again. "Those aren't moments that I want to share with anyone else…and they're certainly not funny. I want to make new memories with you Edward, not tell funny stories about me and someone else. One day I'll be able to sit around that table and you and I will have stories to tell that are ours, which belong to us. Then I'll tell them with as much laughter and vigor as everyone else."

He stares at me for a few long seconds and then his mouth crashes down on mine. It's heated and needy and it makes my head spin. Every time Edward kisses me it's brand new and lip tingling and I don't think I'll ever get enough of it.

He walks me backwards until I feel the bed behind me legs and I lie down. He's still fully dressed as he lies down next to me.

I watch him as he leans over and takes my already hard nipple in his mouth, his hand stroking the insides of my thighs.

"Edward, fuck, that's good," I whisper.

As his fingers move up and find my entrance his breath hitches and he looks up at me.

"You're always so ready for me Bella," he says, as if it's the best thing since chocolate milkshake. As if he's in awe of my body's ability to know when he's close.

"I can't help it," I whisper, tears pricking at my eyes. "I'll always be like this Edward. I'll never get enough of you."

He leans forward but his lips stop inches from mine, his mouth open and I can taste his breath and I want more.

I stick my tongue out and we meet halfway, our lips still not touching, our tongues tasting and dancing slowly and erotically.

His hand moves down slightly and I feel his thumb enter me and I groan as my mouth closes over his, desperate for more contact.

His middle finger moves behind, finding another entrance to my body, circling, sizing and just when I think I can't take the teasing anymore he slips into me slightly. I just about come already as my body shudders against him.

His thumb and middle finger is somehow rubbing in exactly the same places but on opposite sides of a wall that is crumbling from the pleasure.

"You like that?" he asks, his eyes never leaving my face, looking, staring, loving what he sees.

All I can do is nod because I'm so close and I can't find my voice.

"You going to come for me Baby?" he asks in that husky voice I love so much.

I nod again, holding onto his forearm as his fingers work a dark magic that should be illegal.

"I can feel it," he whispers and kisses me softly on the corner of my mouth. "You're so close Baby. I want to see you come so badly."

His words coupled with a few more forceful thrusts from his fingers has me bowing off the bed, my nails digging into his back and my hand squeezing his arm as I fight with every fiber inside of me not to scream out. I can hardly breathe.

I'm fully aware that Carlisle and Esme is very close to us and I can hear the gang's voices coming in the open patio door.

"Everything I've ever wanted," he whispers as he gets up and undresses quickly. I want him inside of me so badly. Will it ever cease? This never-ending need for him?

He settles between my legs and a part of me remembers a condom. I tense slightly and he feels it.

"Baby," he whispers as he lines up to fill me. "The damage is done, if there is any, which I very much doubt."

And then I can't help but grip him to me and wrap my leg over his gorgeous ass as he sinks into me. Like a silky hardness I want for the rest of my life.

"Now that we're concentrating," Edward smiles down at me as he moves slowly. "Let me tell you how mind blowing you feel like this. Nothing comes close to how you make me feel Bella. Nothing ever will. Fuck, I love you so much," he groans just before his mouth closes over mine.

And he shows me that love until I feel like I'll die from the pleasure that is radiating from inside, from every place he touches me on my skin, from my lips that are bruised and swollen from his kisses.

And when we're finished we still can't break away. He's pulled me over him and I'm lying on his chest, straddling him as he draws patterns on my back lazily.

"Oh God!" a voice comes from the patio door and we both look over to see Alice staring at us shell shocked.

"Alice, for God's sake, get out!" Edward says as he throws a pillow her way.

"Ali, what's wrong?" we hear Jasper's voice outside and Edward covers me with a blanket lying next to us, but no one comes in.

"I just saw my brother and Bella naked Jasper. God, I feel like I need bleach to wash my eyes. Okay, Bella has a hot body but my brother…naked…really?"

"Hey!" Edward shouts indignantly and I can't help but start laughing.

"Sorry Edward!" she shouts. "You have a rocking body yourself but you are my brother so it's still pretty gross!"

"See! What did I tell you?" we hear Emmett. "You guys thought it was funny but it's not. You'll never un-see those images Alice, never."

The graveness in his voice has everyone, including Edward and I in stitches of laughter.

I wrap the blanket around me and get up to close the patio doors and curtains before turning around and dropping it.

"So…where were we…" I say as I clamber onto Edward again, taking without hesitation.


	32. Chapter 32

**Wow, took me a while to get this one done but at least I still made it for today, even though it's a bit late.**

**Leibeezer laughed just as much as me in the last chapter.**

**I feel like I'm missing some reviews…Nathalia…Abm550? You guys still with me? Hope so…**

**Once again, everyone that is following this story, you are in my heart and I thank you so much.**

**Without much more, here we go…**

"I don't know how to thank you enough Rose, really," I say as we wrap up the last few weeks of my life I wasn't at the restaurant.

Goodbyes this morning on the farm were sad but not too bad. We know we'll all be seeing each other again soon.

Edward is at home keeping himself busy until we go for my test this afternoon. The test that is biting my insides and keeping me from relaxing.

"It's a pleasure Bella," she says. "I actually enjoyed it. But let me go, Emmett wants to go through to Saldanha to check another boat he wants to buy."

I roll my eyes.

"How many more Rose?"

"Oh, you know him. I let him be. He enjoys it and it keeps him busy."

I nod and we say goodbye.

I'm just about to get stuck into some filing when a soft knock on my door has me look up.

"Do you have a moment?" Leah asks wearily.

Do I? I'm not sure but she looks so lost that I can't show her away.

"Come in, close the door."

She does as told and sits in front of me.

"Oh Leah," I say sadly as I see the young girl in front of me that seems to have aged overnight.

"I can't say sorry enough Bella. I hate what I did to you. At the time he made me believe that things between you were over, that he was making a decision that both of you had wanted to make for a long time."

Jake, I think. Why did you do this?

"Leah, he played us both. Me for longer than you, but that doesn't mean it hurts any less. I'm really sorry for what you're going through. But I can't say that I'm sorry for what happened. If Jake didn't do what he did, I would have never met Edward. Meeting your soulmate sort of makes everything seem a little brighter, your problems a little smaller."

"I heard things are pretty serious between you two. I'm so happy for you Bella. That something good came from this."

"And something good will come for you as well Leah. You just have to have faith. Don't allow yourself to go down the road I went. If Edward hadn't found me, I'm pretty sure I would have either been dead or in a mental institution right now. You'll find that love you're looking for. I know it hurts so much right now and I know every time you see him it opens the wounds again, but just push through. Lean on your family, your friends, that's what they're there for Leah. Don't shut them out."

She's crying now and I can't help but walk around and pull her up into a hug. She cries for a long time and I let her. How can I be angry with her? She's dying inside right now like I did. Thing is, I had someone breathe life into me again…she has no one.

"Look Leah," I say as we straighten up. "I'm here for you. Don't feel like you can't talk to me. Maybe a week ago I would have felt different, but I can't cling to the pain of the past. I've moved on and I want to help you to do the same."

"I can't believe you're being so good to me Bella. You have no idea what it means."

"That's the thing Leah. I _do_ know what it means…and that's why I'm going it."

A hard knock followed by the door opening has me looking into those green eyes I've missed so much the few hours I've been here.

"Hey Baby," Edward greets and kisses me softly.

"Missed you," I say.

"Not more than me."

"Oh Edward, I don't think I've ever properly introduced you to Leah. Leah, this is Edward."

Edward shoots me a questioning look before putting that million dollar smile on his face and shaking Leah's hand.

"Leah, good to meet you."

"And you Edward. I have to get back, it's kind of busy inside."

"No problem," I say. As she's about to close the door I speak again. "Leah, I meant what I said."

She nods with a small smile on her beautiful russet skin and closes the door.

Edward takes the gap now that we're alone and lifts me onto my desk, kissing me until I see stars.

"I've missed you today," he says as he holds me to him. "It's been too long."

"I know the feeling," I say. "Now that I have you here I'm not sure how I got through these few hours without you. Shall we?"

He pouts and pulls back reluctantly and I laugh.

Our drive to Darling is quick and I tell Edward about Leah and my conversation. He can't believe I'm so understanding but I think when we're finished discussing it he understands. The test is pretty quick too. They're immediately sent to the lab next to the doctors rooms and as Darling is such a small town and not busy, we're told to come back in about two hours.

We have a late lunch at Bistro 7 although my nerves are in tethers.

I pick at my chicken salad as Edward devours his steak.

"How can you not be nervous right now?" I ask in frustration as I put my fork down on my plate and take a huge gulp of mineral water.

He shrugs.

"I don't know," he mumbles around food in his mouth. "I don't like to worry before it's necessary."

"Wish I had that attitude," I huff and pick up my fork again, pushing cucumber around in my plate.

He sighs and stills my hand with his.

"Baby, whatever happens, we're in this together. That's all that matters."

"I guess," I say.

"Now," he says as he winks at me. "You better eat your food. Because if that test is what I think it is, you're going to need all your energy tonight because I don't plan on leaving you alone for one second."

My insides melt and my temperature rises at his words. How can he get me so worked up with words? I can feel my face is flushed.

He leans forward, tangling his legs with mine under the table.

"I love it when you do that," he whispers as he strokes my cheek lovingly. "It amazes me every day how you respond to me, how I affect you. It lets me know without words just how much you love me."

I smile shyly and stab a cucumber with my fork, popping it into my mouth.

"That's my girl," he says and sits back to finish his own food.

Back at the doctors' rooms I'm on edge again and Edward puts his hand on my jumping leg as the doctor sits down. He's been my doctor since I can remember so this is a bit embarrassing for me.

"So Isabella," he says, smiling as he opens my file. "Should I drag this out for you or just put you out of your misery?"

Edward chuckles.

"Just shoot me now Doc," I groan. "Let's forget about the theatrics."

He chuckles along with Edward.

"My Dear, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. You are totally in the clear. I do suggest a follow up again in three months' time, but really, stop the panic now."

I'm dazed for a few seconds before I jump up and round the table, giving Doctor Banner a huge hug.

"Thank you Doc," I whisper into his shoulder.

"No problem my child. Now, if there isn't anything else I can do for you, I believe I have a very sick little patient in the next waiting room with a very high fever."

"Please, go ahead. Thank you."

He hugs me again as he walks out. "You look so much like your father Isabella. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him."

I nod solemnly. Doctor Banner and Charlie were best friends.

"Me neither Doc," I say sadly. "Me neither."

I let Edward drive again because it seems he prefers it that way, although I kind of miss pushing my girl to her limits. I make a note of driving next time.

I watch him all the way, how his hand caresses the gear lever…how the muscles in his legs move under his pants when he changes gears…his authoritative hands on the steering wheel.

He glances at me now and again and I'm sure it's written all over my face…the fact that I'm thinking about what he said earlier in the restaurant.

"Want to go for a swim?" he asks when we get home. "I'm just about dying from this heat."

"Yeah, sure," I say casually as I start undressing and dropping clothes behind me as I walk to the pool.

By the time I get there I'm naked and the cool water eases some of the heat on my skin as I dive in. The heat in the pit of my stomach is a different story.

As I come up after an underwater lap I bump into Edward. He's waiting and from the looks of things, he's naked too.

"Baby," he whispers into my neck as he grazes his teeth along my ear. "All the things I could do to you."

"Then do it," I moan as I shove my fingers into his wet tangled hair. "Anyway you want me, I'm yours."

As Edward's mouth closes over mine and his hands wrap around my thighs and pull me to him, I hear the front door open.


	33. Chapter 33

**Leibeezer doesn't want Jake seeing Bella naked…I agree 100%!**

**Nathalia – welcome back! Thought I'd lost you there for a minute.**

**Guest: ...if it's Jacob...he needs to get knocked the f*** out... - I am still laughing about that! Thanks for putting a smile on my dial.**

**m0t0b33 – wonders how many people are still going to interrupt them, I'm kind of enjoying the humor in it but I think this is the last…lol**

**Kaycy wonders who is going to need brain bleach…love it!**

**Okay, everyone has been mixed here about whether this should be Jake interrupting or not. Most of everyone is saying it better not be him, one person kind of hoped it would be him. **

**I've changed the beginning of this chapter five times between it being Jake and it being Emmett and Rose…you'll have to read to see my decision…**

**I'm sorry to those who I told it would be different, but sometimes when you write something just feels that it should be as it is and if you try it differently it seems forced.**

**So, I think after this is just one chapter and then the epilogue...I think...**

"I really need to change the code on that damn front door," I sigh as Edward chuckles.

"Bella!"

Shit. Jacob.

"Don't come out here Jake, I'll be right there."

"Okay," he answers perplexed but I see him turning around at the kitchen counter and heading back to the front door.

Both Edward and I jump out and grab towels from the rack. We dry quickly and Edward starts dressing.

"Fuck, I only have my underwear," I giggle. "My clothes are lying on the floor inside."

"I'll get them," Edward says strained, his face wearing a scowl. Even angry he's the most gorgeous man I've ever laid my eyes on.

He pulls his pants on and walks inside a few steps, not looking towards Jake as he picks up my jeans and t-shirt and brings them back.

I dress quickly and take Edward's hand in mine. His grip is firm and strong as he holds me close.

We walk in and Jake is standing with his back to us at the front door.

"Jake, what are you doing here?"

He turns around and I gasp when I see he's been crying. I look for telltale signs that he's been drinking but there's none.

After everything he's done to me, it still breaks me to see him hurting.

I take a few steps forward but Edward's hand in mine holds me back. I turn around and look Edward in the eye with a heavy heart. I hope he understands this.

"I need to do this Edward," I whisper. "I need to see him. I have to put all this behind me and I can't do that without saying what I need to say."

"I can't let you go Bella," he whispers back sadly. "I can't let him near you after the last time."

"He won't do that again Edward. I know Jake and the Jake standing behind me is not here to make trouble. Let me deal with this, please."

He stares at me a while longer before he sighs and nods.

"I'm just going to change quickly and head down to Emmett and Rose. Call me when you're ready and I'll come get you."

"Okay," I whisper.

I watch Edward throw Jacob a glare of death before he heads upstairs.

"You want something to drink Jake?" I ask softly, moving closer to him.

"Yeah, sure," he says. "Whatever you're having."

I grab two glasses and a bottle of Jack and we head out to the pool, sitting down facing each other.

I pour us both a bit and hand him his glass.

We watch each other as we both down the amber liquid and put our glasses down. I refill them.

"So, you and Edward," he says. But it's not nasty; it's a tired voice that fills the orange sunset stained sky. I can see a star here and there trying it's best to shine through.

"Yes."

"Is it serious?"

"Yes, it is. It's for keeps Jake."

He looks up at the sky as well, as if he's trying to keep the tears from coming out but it comes out anyway.

"Oh Jake," I say as I move closer to him, taking both his hands in mine. "Even if Edward wasn't here, I don't think I would be able to get past what you did."

I footsteps behind me and see Edward at the sliding door. He's watching my hands in Jacob's and his expression is one of agony and sadness.

"I'll see you later," he says simply. He doesn't wait for an answer and it's not long before I hear my car pull away.

"He's good to you," Jacob says. "I don't think I would have been able to leave you here with another man under these circumstances."

"It's called trust Jake. Edward trusts me implicitly and the feeling is mutual. We have nothing to hide from each other."

"There was a time when you trusted me too."

"Yes, I trusted you with my life Jake. But then you broke me, really bad. If Edward hadn't found me, I don't know what would have happened. He fixed me Jake. He's all I want."

"I'm so sorry Bella," he says, leaning over, his forehead on our hands, sobbing and I let him get it out.

When he straightens up again after a while I lean over and wipe the last stray tear from his cheek.

"I never meant to hurt you. I don't know what happened but I realized last night that I can't fight this anymore. I'm no good for you Bella. You deserve so much more. All I want is to be in your life, for you to forgive me. I want to be your friend Bella. That's all I ask."

"Oh Jake," I say sadly as I get up and pull him into a hug, my body molding to his familiar curves. "I've forgiven you already."

I lean back and look at him. "How can I not when this whole situation has given me someone so amazing?"

He nods, tears threatening again but they don't come.

"I'll always be here Bella. If you ever need anything, no matter what, you call me."

"Thanks Jake. I'll remember that."

We say our goodbyes at the front door and as I shut it behind me I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

I needed to see him; I needed to talk to him.

A surge of relief coupled with my yearning for Edward has me sprinting upstairs and jumping into a quick shower. I pull on my black jeans and a tank top.

I have to call Edward. No, wait, I don't have to. But Emmett's going to kill me. I only ever take the bike out when I know he's not in town. I shrug to myself as I take my Doc's out of the closet and pull them on. Emmett will just have to live with it.

I smile to myself when I realize Edward doesn't even know I have a bike. It's never come up.

I put the garage light on and pull the cover from my black as night Honda Fireblade 900. I mount her and smile wide as she purrs to life beneath me. I grab my helmet and then I'm gone, taking her as fast as I can. I take a detour because I don't get to ride her that much before pulling up on the lawn in front of Emmett's house.

Just as I suspected he comes racing out the front door, Edward in tow.

"Bella, for God's sake. What did I tell you about riding that thing?"

"Oh Emmett," Rose shouts from behind. "Leave her alone. She's not a baby anymore."

"Is that what you're going to say when she has an accident?" he asks as he turns on her.

But as usual he cannot resist the charm that is Rose and one touch of her hand on his arm has him lose the fight.

"Whatever," he mumbles. "Maybe you can talk some sense into her," he says to Edward as him and Rose walk back inside.

"Why don't I know that you have a bike?" Edward asks smirking as he comes down the porch stairs.

"It never came up. Besides, as you can see, some people have an aversion to speed."

He walks up to me and takes my face in his hands as I'm still sitting on the bike, kissing me with unbridled lust and passion. If I could fuck him on this bike right now I would.

"You have no idea what it does to me seeing you on this bike," he whispers hoarsely as he softly bites that spot just below my ear.

"Oh, I think I'm getting the picture," I moan back.

He looks at me then, still holding my face.

"You okay?"

I nod.

"Yes, I am. I needed to talk to him Edward. I needed him to know that it's over for good. That you and I are in it for the long haul. He understands, he knows he fucked up. He wants to be friends. I can't deny him that. I'm not saying I want to invite him over for dinner anytime soon, but I did love him once and I still care for him, crazy as that may sound. I don't want to have to hide every time I see him somewhere."

"I understand Baby. Still, you have no idea how worried I've been since I left."

"No faith in me Mr. Cullen?" I jab at him, smiling.

"Oh, all the faith in the world Ms. Swan. It's him I don't trust."

"He's good Edward. He won't try anything again. I know Jake, you need to trust me on this."

"And so I shall," he says before kissing me again.

"Hey!" I hear Emmett behind us and Rose is laughing. "Take it somewhere else."

I look at Edward. "Wanna ride?"

"Serious?" he asks, like a kid in a candy store.

"Go for it," I say as I get off. He gets on and starts her and I swear I'm just about to come with the vision of Edward on my bike.

I jump on behind him and pull my helmet on.

"Detour?" he asks.

"Always," I laugh and we're off.


End file.
